So Butch

Oct. 18th, 2017 02:00 pm
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I was exhausted again all day, but not quite as bad. I think it's a vitamin deficiency because I'm constantly forgetting to take my supplements.

I posted one of my pics to the group, and Derek asked if I was the top or the bottom. Even though he's commented on vids of me topping, so...but Warren chimed in that we should invite him, because 2 tops are better than one. I sat there stunned for a minute, red pouring over everything. I consulted JJD first, because I hate saying the wrong thing. But more often than not, I say nothing, and then I wake up with rage knots later. So I mentioned that the last time I'd invited him to share a guy, he fucked him while I waited to hear back. He didn't respond, of course. And even though we're still listed as Friends, I can't see any of his Friends Only posts, so maybe he added me to a Restricted list or something.

I messaged Casey in the early afternoon to confirm we'd be getting together. It's harder than you'd think to schedule two(+) tricks a day. Casey had initially said 5 over the weekend, but then changed it to 7-7:30 during then day, and finally messaged when I was almost home that he could come over at 5. He's cute in his photos, he's drop dead fucking gorgeous in person. It was really really fucking hot in my room, but he let me eat his ass, then fucked me in the main positions and came inside me. I really need to get new towels. It's literally embarrassing to offer someone a towel after and then scrounge for it or give them the shoddy blue ones I bought online.

Tim asked when he could come over, and I said any time was fine. He was still getting ready an hour later, so I headed over to Baras to try to find some shorts to use for my costume. I managed to find some - greenish brown instead of green, but they'll work. More exciting, I found two really soft blankets for Lady Miss Friday. My car has had a warning message for the past few days about tire pressure, and I was going to have Tim do it, but I'm a Big Boy and I can do these things on my own. They've actually way simplified the process - there's no caps to keep track of, no measuring tool - the machine automatically fills to 32dpi or whatever the measurement is.

I got home just a couple seconds before Tim. Pupple is in much better spirits, though that could just be the meds. Tim should be catching a break soon, and then he's going to be able to set up his laptop and learn to edit. Yay.

He was only over for about 2 hours, but Pupple wanted to go for a walk, and that's a good time to end things. Since my ass is doing much better these days, I was really tempted to get into my toy chest, but I'm going to err on the side of caution for once and give it a bit longer.


Oct. 17th, 2017 02:55 pm
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I woke up to a message from Julian. He'd sent it at 1:30 my time, so like...3:30 or so his time. Weird coincidence, really. We chatted later in the day on FB, and then on the phone. He's still a mess. Hasn't had a job in over a year. Was just in a car accident that, in spite of not being his fault, had landed him in trouble legally. He never took care of the stop sign ticket from years ago here and CA had suspended his license, so AR should never have given him one to begin with. In searching his vehicle after the accident, they found an empty beer can in the trunk, and now he has to attend MADD classes, among other things. I don't know what the laws are in AR, but apparently at his hearing, he also mouthed off to the Judge. Poor Julian.

I had my meeting with Dave and Lynelle. Briefly told them about the week I'd had, not that there's anything to be done about it. Andy sent me Snapchats of him jerking in the morning, asked to come over in the afternoon. Sure. But I didn't hear back. I also tried to get Joey to come over to help with my costume. Not completely selfish, as he's on a 36 hour hold from FHA and could probably use a distraction. Distractions happen to be my specialty. They usually involve sex, but I do have other tools at my disposal.

I was incredibly hungry and tired when I got home, though I chalked it up to the hangover and going to bed late. Andy texted me that he was on his way because his previous job went long. Kind of wished I hadn't just eaten 3 tofu sammiches, but I got cleaned up, splashed some water on my face, and replaced the fan in my room. I'd taken it back largely out of spite, but it turns out I do need it.

Andy was fun, but he really wanted me to cum, and I really didn't want to. And he tried to make me in spite of that. Apparently I came for him the last two times we fucked, so he's already ahead of a lot of people. I wanted to get another video, but I worry that it makes him uncomfortable and he's only doing it to keep me happy and fucking.

I meant to have at least one other trick over, but I was so tired. I mostly just killed time and drank water until it was time to go to bed. I managed to fend off the worst of the knot in my chest this time and get to sleep at a decent hour.
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Woke up late for work and hungover, but still made it in on time. I was largely surprised at the outpouring of support over Hover. Todd was actually a notable exception, scoffing that I was at all upset over a rat. I am so glad I'm 35 at this point, instead of...almost any age younger really, because I just learned he's a victim and as upsetting as I found that statement, it doesn't deserve the nuclear option.

When I finally got home, I cleaned up Hover's cage. Tim had doubted I'd be able to, since I'd left the wreckage of Mousey's cage for weeks, and said he'd clean it if I hadn't done it in a week. Ultimately, I'm quite capable of these things.

Nick got promoted at work, so invited me to celebratory drinks at Betty's at 6. I almost didn't make it, but one of the Gaymers gave me a keychain for Overwatch, so I stopped by on the way back. It was an hour after the start time and they were already gone. On the plus side, I saw Tiger and got to meet his new pup, Tucker, along with another dog by the name of Martin. Both were rescues from the hurricanes, which is just so amazing and wonderful to me. I kind of wanted to lay down under the table with them, instead of just sitting with them for a while. I saw Clinton on my way out, got him and his friends laughing, then made my way home again.

Ryan posted that he was internally screaming. Haha, but I wanted to make sure he was okay. He was, didn't mean to make me worry, and wants to come over on Thursday for dick and music. Works for me.

Even though I was super tired, I went to sleep a little after 10 and was surprised to get a call from Tim. He knows not to call me, and knows not to call me that late anyway, so I knew it was an emergency. Pupple was obviously in pain, not going for walks, couldn't stand to be picked up, etc. so he was taking him to the vet. Of course that's fine. I pay for extensive insurance every month just for this, and they can call me tomorrow for whatever balance is there. I'm not even middle class, but I'm not so poor that I can't afford to take care of my dog, and that's a great feeling.


Oct. 15th, 2017 10:52 am
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Slept horribly *again,* though this time I did manage to doze for a bit later in the morning. Played some video games - Arc the Lad is a very very simplistic game, so I don't feel remotely bad about using cheat codes. Warren asked about the group thing that didn't happen the night before, and asked me to text him with the various vids I'm trying not to spam the groups with. He couldn't even make small talk first, so he can wait for the posts to the groups. He also seemed under the impression that I had never stopped hoing while I was with him, so I had to set that record straight.

I never did make it out to The Hole - I felt and smelled like a bum - but I did decide to join Bryan at Gossip, which then got moved to Uptown because Gossip was charging a cover. I got there first, ordered a drink from Jared, who I didn't even know worked there because I never go there. The music was very very ecletic. Like, they played On + off" by Maggie Rogers, and then Fighter, and then some really really circuity song. Bryan and Tyler joined a bit later. Tyler is cute, fun, but got *really* drunk and was trying to make a 3 way happen. Bryan looked uncomfortable, so I tapped out of the night.

I stopped at the store, figuring it would be a good night to treat myself to a different dinner. Picked up mushrooms, tortillas, and horseradish hummus. Just something different. The walk home was even nice, even though I'd forgotten to bring bags. Got home, started cooking up the mushrooms and "meatballs" and noticed that I was still smelling occasional wafts of the stench I had figured was me earlier, even though I'd showered.

A terrible thought occurred to me. I walked over to Hover's table, moved his egg carton but didn't feel a body. I was relieved for a half a second, and then I saw his tail in his cage, body half way into his other carton. I texted Tim. He called me, noting that it was "quite late" but he would still come up to bury him. It was not quite 8:30. I stamped down sobs, then called him back after a bit. I was capable of burying him, I just don't have any tools or know how to do it or almost anything. For something I've known was coming for quite some time I was really very poorly prepared. Good job Squeak. He insisted he wanted to come up. I'm loathe to let anyone do anything for me ever, and particularly things that I emotionally "can't" do. I'm a Big Boy. I'm not a slave to my bleeding heart. But I still let him.

As it turns out, he also didn't have tools to really dig with, but he made do with various boat working tools. I picked up Hover from his spot and wrapped his small, stiff, bloated body in paper towels, and managed to not completely collapse crying while Tim buried him and placed rocks and flowers over the top.

I did a much better than I did with Mousey, but then, I wasn't at fault for this one. I gave him the best life he could possibly have had. Given that, I wasn't expecting to have any tears at all, much less to fight them for hours.

He stayed after for a long time, but I was mostly drinking by then. I kicked him out a little after midnight and crashed.
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Woke up at 2 am, which sucks. There were ants and baby roaches in my kitchen, which is weird. Especially weird given that my kitchen is quite clean. I wondered if it had something to do with Bryan coming over.

I was useless for most of the day, exhausted but unable to sleep. Someone resurrected the picture of me and Splashy, and I looked at the two Shares. One of them was Julian. He's engaged now, which is great for him. Then I saw he'd only been with his partner for a few months. I came really close to adding him as a Friend, but wisely did not. Todd hit me up in the afternoon, asking me to come get fucked. I strongly prefer to play with both partners currently, but they only play separately. It was a bitch to find parking, but I finally did. He lives in the same building my friend Lisa from law school lived in.

He seemed out of it, maybe just high though? I dunno. His breath was awful, but the kisses were passionate. He didn't seem to be getting hard, I was, and his legs were wrapped around my waist, so I ended up mostly topping. I got a brief video clip of it, too. I fucked him in a couple positions, but of course my dick always goes soft with exertion. We took a little break, and he told me that he and Vick broke up. Well, maybe broke up. They got in a fight the night before and Vick hit him.

That's a line you can't really come back from, tbh. Not trying to say "never" here, but it's damn close. He spoke somewhat melodramatically about his upbringing, but I just listened. Then he did get hard and came inside me. He took a video of me edging and asking about music, a reference to my recent FB post. I begged off of cumming, saying I had a client. He messaged after I left, asking me to come back for more cuddling/fucking, so I invited him to the Night Swim at Jacob's. He declined.

I got there about 30 min after the official start time, and it turns out I've been there before. He's living with Ken and Scott, the couple that throws naked pool parties sometimes. I didn't end up fucking the last time I was there. There was a bigger crowd than I'd thought, since only 5 of us were RSVP'd on FB. But I guess it was basically a party. I chatted with everyone there, making jokes and the like. I really hit it off with a handsome gent named Oscar, and then we swapped Bj's by the drink table, I pulled him over to the bench and rode him. This is why people invite me to their parties.

Johnny, Les, and a couple others were making out and engaging in oral by the pool. I joined them, then moved everyone into the play room. They really need a bigger area for this. It was kind of awesome having a connection with Oscar but watching him fuck and having him watch me get fucked. Overall it was a very supportive environment. Alex was there and kept trying to bottom, but not realizing/accepting he was dirty. Over and over and over again. Get your shit together. I got fucked by about 6-7 guys, which was only weird because no one seemed to pay attention to cues to let other people have a turn.

I finally called it a night, exchanged numbers with both Oscar and Terry, but stopped to make out with Oscar by his car. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised, but I crashed *hard* when I got home.
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Given the night I had, work was kind of rough. I managed to get most of my work done, though when I left there were still some claims in the queue. I had to go to the store again, since I forgot to get so much previously.

Bryan had been messaging me. He's very sick, his phone has been turned off or stolen, he's out of work again. He's killing himself slowly and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it. He asked to come grab his last check and some things, and spent a couple hours going through papers and such. He didn't take much with him and spent a really long time doing God knows what in the bathroom.

I chatted with a couple boys online - one guy in particular was supposed to come over, but then we were going to wait for his partner and then he stopped messaging me. I was supposed to go to an orgy but I just couldn't get out of my apartment.
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Jio messaged me in the morning, checking that we were still on for the evening. I thought about it, because I'm not 100% yet, and I'm not sure how contagious I'd be. But I left that up to him. A little cold doesn't scare him at all.

Lady Miss Friday was really affectionate at home, but I showered, cleaned up the place, made my bed. Jio texted that Michael wanted in afterall, and could they push it back to 6:30ish. YAY! My experiences have given me a complex about playing with just one part of a couple.

Unfortunately, showering didn't go well. Water was clear, but my stomach was upset. I just couldn't relax. They arrived via Uber, so I shouldn't have saved my spot for them afterall, we had a couple drinks before we got naked. My dick worked for about 5 seconds. They seemed okay with me being the party bottom, though, and took turns fucking me before DPing me. I stopped to piss at one point and had a hard time letting go for that, too, so I imagine I just had a hard time letting go of something. The boys both came from DPing me, I bid them goodnight.

Gave Hover a chip - he's absolutely ragged at this point - and went to bed early. I should have been fine, particularly as I've been using sex as coping mechanism/stress reliever. Instead I spent the next 3 hours fighting a pulsing knot of rage in my chest. The same knot I fought when Tim cheated on me. Literally, actually internally screaming. Screaming at Warren instead of just telling him to go. Screaming at Brandon instead of saying I wasn't mad. Screaming and vomiting all over myself for not screaming at the time. For not anticipating this and addressing it sooner/better. I don't even know what I should have done, what I should have said. I just should have done something different.

I finally took a sleeping pill a little after midnight or so and that seemed to help.
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Felt a little better in the morning - YAY. But vision still fucked. Damn. I took Dayquil, drank water and tea all day. FHA messaged me in the afternoon, freaking out about something. He's on his way to getting his dream job - an artist for Disney - but his best friend and his boyfriend are having a hard time seeing it as anything but abandonment when they need him.

I stopped at the store on the way home, possibly to pick up some sunglasses. They were overpriced and the clerks at Ralph's gave me dirty looks and sent the security guard to stand at the exit and watch me as I left. I mean..okay.

I meant to just get some snacks and vegan mayo from TJ's, but coudln't make up my mind on what I was getting. A foreign woman walked up to me with a birthday card, but the inside of it was a plea for financial help. She needed formula for her kids. I'll buy you formula no problem. Oh, in that case, regular groceries. She basically seemed to grab stuff at random, and I kind of worried that she was maybe going to try to buy a bunch of stuff, then get a refund for it. Whatever, I've spent more on less. And it calmed down the workers and the security guard in the store, so there's that. I saw Bryan standing outside with a fully loaded backpack, so I'm imagining he's homeless again. Can't save them all. More importantly, can't save them *for* them, and certainly not in spite of them.

Realized when I got home that I'd forgotten to get pretty much everything I wanted to, but didn't have the energy to go back. Oh, well. I cleaned up the place, showered, and then FHA came over. I've apparently turned into a sage on interpersonal relationships in the last few years. His situation isn't as bad as it sounded earlier - Aimee and Joey aren't being completely self centered about it, but they're justifiably freaking out about no longer having him to support them.

I talked a little about my issues, but this really wasn't about me, just a good excuse to keep him up to date on my goings on. And eventually I turned on music, since he never visits the group. He was surprisingly into Odeza's "Across the room" and is going to sing it at Karaoke.


Oct. 10th, 2017 03:43 pm
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Woke up very very ill. Almost called out, but I prefer to use my sick time for hangovers thankyouverymuch. Kind of a good thing I did, really, because there was 150 items in eservice. More disconcerting still was that my vision was still fucked. I narrowed it down to light sensitivity, which isn't actually that helpful to narrow down. Light sensitivity is a symptom of about a billion things.

I made it home, ate some food, talked with Tim a little on the phone. Given my symptoms - basically a flu with light sensitivity - he's worried it might be meningitis, because that's been making its way through the community. So have I.

I tried to find something unobtrusive to watch on Netflix, but couldn't. Crashed as early as possible. Laying down, my mind started wandering to dark places. Hindsight kicking in about all the things I should have done/said with Warren. I had to pull myself back from the edge, though, as many of the things I "should" have done were straight up crazy. Tracking devices, message mirrors, etc. I'm a little worried about what all this means for future relationships.
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Got up with just a little trouble, no traffic thanks to the holiday. I had a hard time seeing my screen, though, because of the light afterimages. Mildly terrifying, and I made an appointment with an eye doctor for Wednesday morning. It got a little better throughout the day, though, so I cancelled it.

It was a productive day; I got caught up to the day-of claims that came in, took care of some admin stuff. My momentum fizzled towards the end of the day, though, so I got some journaling done. Josh hit me up in the afternoon, I told him I'd be ready by 5. I was pretty tempted to stay after and journal more, but a date's a date.

Got home showered, removed one of the cotton balls in my small poppers bottle, which was decent. I messaged Josh just short of 5, but hadn't heard from him by 5:30, so I took a half an edible.

It wasn't quite as fun, tbh. 1) My dick was pretty chafed from the day before. 2) I ended up drinking, too, and somewhere between the THC, wine, and poppers, I got *fucked up.* Kept thinking I was in a dream, or at someone else's house or...It was weird, but it apparently only lasted for about 15 minutes. And I still had to talk myself down from trying to find other drugs in the house to do.

I finally had a good cumshot, but the lighting might have been too wonky to catch it. Crashed around 9.
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Woke up around 3, couldn't get back to sleep. Bummer. Tim messaged me in the morning, wanting to come over. I'd hoped to get a little more sleep, but nothing doing. I did manage to lay down with my eyes closed, which did a little bit of good, at least.

We talked about all the fucking I've been doing. He and FHA are right, of course, hat the emotional energy I've expended on Warren isn't worth it, but that doesn't really empower me to change things. Also, I like fucking. Made tofu and waffles for him, he showered, then gave Pupple a bath, then just sat on the couch watching TV on his phone. I finally kicked him out around 1.

Bryan wanted to go to The Hole - he was gonna take an edible and have Jon-Michael drive us. While I waited for him, I hopped online, ended up hooking up with the tall, hung, strange bottom that Eric and I fucked around the beginning of the year. He had another guy fuck him just before I got there. I'd have preferred a tag team, but then he said that guy was cheating on his partner. UGH.

I really liked Bryan's idea, so I took one of the edibles my friend gave me. I took it just after Tim left, and started jerking off almost immediately. I was astounded at how wonderful it felt, and how slowly time seemed to pass. I didn't hear from Bryan again until about 5:30, and by then 1) I was very high, and very paranoid about seeing anyone, and 2) I was having a blast.

It got a little weird on occasion, because I kept thinking I was somewhere else and had to take a minute to stop and recognize the different parts of my room. Around 8, my hands cramped up and I passed out briefly. Woke up again and started jerking. I was really tempted to get into my toy chest, but I've injured myself so many times, I'm gonna stick to just dicks for a little while, I think. Upsetting as that is. I passed out for real around 10, only to wake up again at 2. Hopped online, almost had a guy over, but he was tweaking and flaked. I came and managed to get back to sleep again.
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Made coffee in the morning, couldn't find the Spark drink to try. Messaged with FHA and a few other people, inviting them to the party. He had to check to make sure it wasn't going to be a bunch of Mean Girls, but once I sent him the official invite, he and Joey both said yes. This is stellar because I haven't seen him in forever. They were originally going to come over early, then not quite as early, but I didn't need as much time as I thought to get ready, so it worked out perfectly. In discussing my videos, FHA noted the one of me jerking that had Lady Miss Friday running around in the background, so I showed them the unedited version of the vid I'd just uploaded to Xtube. Hi-larious.

We fueled up, grabbed Sean, and headed up to Murietta. The drive was mostly okay, just a little traffic/slowdown. We got there a few minutes after the listed start time, which meant we were supremely early. That was a little awkward for me, because I brought these folks to a party. It was a Pink/Flamingo themed party, so of course they had Pink Flamingos on the TV. I'm not a big fan of most of John Water's work. I like his more mainstream stuff, where it's more camp and less trash. There was a rape scene (acted) where they crush a chicken between them (not acted.) I chose that moment to grab a drink.

One of the other guests to show up was a tall older man, and he took a shine to me. We started making out in the pool, which nearly turned into fucking in the pool, but the caterer was still there, so he fucked me in the bathroom instead. Tony had hired a stripper for the party and even bought a bunch of thongs and things for him to wear. Unfortunately, I'm not good as a stripper. But I could have worn thongs and been a sexy waiter who would also fuck all your guests for you. Fonzi showed up, got drunk, and ended up in the thongs. He started twerking, sort of, so I ate his ass. The party eventually devolved into an orgy, at least twice. A tall bottom named Matt fucked me upstairs, as well as someone else in that same position, and then there was a ton of group sex in the master bedroom. All the dicks.

Unfortunately, I still had to get everyone home as well as get myself ready for my client, so we couldn't stay. I'm very pleased with it, though. Apparently nothing like this has ever happened at their parties before. That's because they've never invited me.

Client got there early, we talked a little before we fucked. He's a bit demanding, but has also had some horrible experiences with other escorts, reportedly. I couldn't get hard enough to fuck him, so I fucked him with a toy. He wasn't clean. Doesn't really get how to clean out, though he's got the gist of it. He wants to be a regular at $150. No problem, but not starting that tonight.

I thought about going out to Bear Night, but I was *so* tired at that point I just crashed.
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Warren tagged me in a post in the morning. I texted him "Good morning," spent the rest of the day jumping every time my phone buzzed, but he never texted back. Alice had brought in breakfast, and the pumpkin bagels were coincidentally vegan. I had 1.5 of them, which I don't think is bad at all. Worked out in my office again. Debated buying the whole Sylvan Esso albums or just a few singles, but couldn't decide, so I kept listening on Youtube.

I managed to get home early enough and get cleaned up that I was able to get on the road to grab Zain by 4:30. Still hit some traffic getting out to him, and a bunch of dirty looks in his parking lot, but I picked him up. He commented that it "wasn't that bad." 1) We're going in the other direction, 2) you're a passenger. He's moved here, is a mechanical engineer, just working on various administrative tasks to get set up.

I showered, because I still hadn't, sat on the couch next to him. He kept making terrified faces. I moved us to the bed in the living room, because he was bothered by Lady Miss Friday possibly touching him. We made out, I sucked his dick. More terrified faces, but he also said he wanted to stay for hours and hours. No. He freaked out about HIV again, so he used a condom to fuck me. I was saved by his phone going off around 7, he showered and I drove him back out to East County and got myself home.

Warren tagged me in another meme, so I messaged him on FB, asking if my texts weren't going through again. He got it, just what was he supposed to say, "hi?" Well, yeah, something along those lines is usually acceptable. He didn't message back after that.

I almost didn't make it out, but Chris, the guy from the last few nights, hit me up again. Sure. I get why he's been so skittish, actually. His photos are from about 30 lbs ago. He was a good lay despite that, and I got some great footage. I'm absolutely down to hook up with him again.

I found myself with a burst of energy after that, so I headed down to game night afterall. Even though Mikah had said he'd be home from the gym around 9:30, I guess he'd gotten home early. Most people were very very tipsy by then, including Mikah himself. Most of the conversation was dominated by his straight friend. He's loud, he talks fast, but he's nice enough. Mikah has apparently had a physical change since he started stretching, but wouldn't show anyone but me. He took me in the back room, pulled his pants down and showed me his hole. I didn't do anything, but then he turned the lights off and made out with me. Oa, alright. I ate his ass, sucked his dick and got mine sucked, but I didn't have a condom, and that's apparently one of their rules.

I sat with Aaron and talked about the Warren issues. He doesn't think it was intentional that he fucked Brandon without me, he thinks Warren just wanted to fuck Brandon and not fuck me. That's a little better, I guess? The party started clearing out, Mikah asked me to stay, but I don't have a condom and I'm not doing just oral. So.


Oct. 5th, 2017 11:00 am
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Todd messaged me about how hot one of my vids from the play group was, but turned out to be really asking the identity of the bottom. I'm not your pimp.

Towards the end of the day, Michele forwarded an email from one of the panel attorneys - her cat had hitched a ride to San Diego in a moving truck and was in a downtown storage facility. I prepared to give up all my evening plans, but she just said she'd contact me if she needed the help.

I finally agreed to drive all the way out to El Cajon, pick up the Iraqi gent, take him home and fuck him, then give him a ride home. But I wasn't going to get him until 7, so I had a bit of time after work, and when a guy hit me up on Grindr, I accepted. He was really into me to begin with, but got less interested once I got home. Which was...weird. He was staying at one of the smaller places near work, but there's no shower at work, so I'm always going to have to get home first.

He was stunning. Great body, killer blue eyes, handsome face. In town for an infectious disease conference, has been to med school, though I don't know if he's a doctor. He hadn't sent any dick pics, so I assumed he was a bottom, and fucked him accordingly. We took a break from that and I rode his dick, which was also big and beautiful. Thicker at the base, balls that pulled up next to it but not inside him. I topped him again, he came. We stayed chatting for a few hours later. Unfortunately, he seems like a bit of a Mean Gay. Not just in his attitude, but also in his speech pattern and accent. I had great chemistry with him, I'm just not sure how he'd treat a waiter on a date.

I was late to get, very late. But also too tired to now drive out there twice. I begged off due to the cat issue. I also texted Chris, who was also supposed to come over, but didn't get a response and wasn't sad about it at all.


Oct. 4th, 2017 02:18 pm
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Strangely woke up not hungover at all, had a very very productive day at work. Even managed to get a Kudo done the same day that Lynelle asked for it.

A visitor - Christian, from Berlin - hit me up during the day, asking to parTy with me. No can do, and I lied about when I got out so I would have time to run home and shower. He said I could shower there, but I want to at least make sure I'm mostly ready by the time I get there. It's a good thing I did, actually, since he really only has a shower - no attachment, no douche, etc. He was nice enough, good lay, took pics and vids, and was nice enough to send them to me.

I got home in time to clean the place up, David messaged me as he was just getting out of work. We've had good chemistry in person the times we've talked/made out, but I was worried how the actual sex would go. He's been a lot more into our chemistry than me for the makeouts. I needn't have worried. We fucked in several positions, he made out with me in all of them, was generally amazing. And has a speedo tanline, which I find completely and utterly gorgeous. Only awkward that he wanted me to cum, since he normally takes forever. I don't mind waiting, really, even though I'd already been fucked, and he eventually did cum inside me. Definitely going to do that again, and going to want video.

Tim had texted - he was in the area, but I was busy getting fucked. Story of my life...or the last two weeks, at least. He's relatively celibate, but that's not my problem or my fault.


Oct. 3rd, 2017 03:11 pm
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I woke up to a bunch of texts from George re: Grady, Robby, and Jeff. I guess Grady was 17 when he hooked up with them, so them being in their 40's does start to sound more predatory. Robby also messaged me, asking if he could take me to lunch. He's having a hard time since Grady has ghosted, and him and Jeff have never been certain of things. No way he could make it down in time to have lunch, but I agreed to meet him at Betty's after work instead. He was a bit late, I ordered a drink for him. From his perspective, they rescued Grady from an abusive drug dealer. I don't know who to believe, so I'm just going to try to do the best I can for everyone involved. He thanked me for taking the time to talk to him. Having someone to even voice his fears and frustrations to made him feel much better.

He wanted to go to Flick's after, so we stopped back at his place, I met his husband, Jeff. Nice guy, very attractive. Also very worried about Robby fucking around. Jeff went to the mall with a friend, we had a drink, Robby gave me a maple leaf sucker - I asked if it had weed in it, he said no. But then he offered me a weed mint, and I said sure. Turns out they both had weed in them and I was so high I couldn't move. At some point he took me upstairs, we ended up with our clothes off, and then Jeff came home in a rage. Physically threw Robby out and I took off. Not how I'd planned the night to go.
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It was unseasonably warm in my apartment, and I had nightmares all night. Some sort of impending disaster, we were holed up in shelter and I kept having to run out to grab things. And as these dreams *always* have, there were strangers who kept walking towards me every time I left safety. Not ostensibly threatening, but with a vague undercurrent of danger.

I shouldn't have, but I re-Friended Warren. He accepted a little while later without saying anything. I Liked a few statuses/photos, he didn't do anything.

I thought about having a trick over after work, but it was pretty much all I could do to lay on the couch with Lady Miss Friday. I dragged myself out to get groceries a little after 7:30, and Ben messaged me that he wanted the chicken he thought he left in my car. If he'd left it in my car, it wouldn't be good. I told him he could grab it from my fridge, but his friend gave him a ride home. Why his friend couldn't swing him by my place, I have no idea. I think he was actually angling to spend the night, maybe fuck me again. Not here for it.

I got high AF on poppers and jerked off. It was okay.
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I'd been worried, going to bed so late, that I wouldn't get up in time for the shoot. Instead, I woke up at 9:30. Cheers. I showered, had coffee, got my bag together. Nearly had a trick over, but decided to wait until after. I arrived at the apartment, only to realize he hadn't included an apartment number. I don't understand how people do that. I texted him, then sat down and waited. People walked past me, and I guess I could have followed them, since they were probably there for the same thing. I was just being obstinate, honestly. He didn't tell us the apt number and didn't respond to my text.

While I waited, I got a text from an unknown number, saying "last night was fun, hope to do it again soon." But when I asked who it was, they just said they were the "psycho ex." I'm the psycho ex in most of my relationships, and the only one who out-crazied Ophelia now lives in Arkansas. It turns out it's Jeff, Robbie and Grady's now ex. I'm sympathetic, because breakups are a bitch, and drugs are a bitch, and not being able to trust your partners is a bitch. In retrospect, I'm also not sure how he got my number, though.

The shoot took a very very very long time. We all had to get into makeup, which took about 2 hours, then headshots, then out to Balboa park for the real shoot. I played on my phone and watched people on Grindr move around.

It was after 6 when I finally got home. The makeup came off easily enough with soap, but I had a harder time with my back. Literally had to put soap on the tub floor and roll around. At least I took my poppers with me. Sorry rubber ducky, it's really poppers that make bath time so much fun.

Adam touched base - he was expecting to be home around 8:30. A vers/bottom hit me up online. He was close, but I still drove. I got there just as the other top was arriving, and we walked in together. It was a fun time. I don't think I've ever *just* been a top in group situations before, so that was really cool. And Dan, the other top, managed to get a vid of me fucking the bottom doggy style. I pretended to cum, Dan either came or pretended to, the bottom sat on my face and jerked off. I finally asked his name. Turns out we've met in person and we're friends on FB, though his profile pic doesn't show his face. I feel less bad about that, then.

Back home, I edged myself and waited for Adam, but he was taking longer and longer. Ben asked to come over, but said he wasn't getting out of work until 8:30. I pointed out that I go to bed at 10, and he agreed that it would only give us a small window of time. Adam finally arrived with my car at 9:30 - I'd left an envelope full of cash under the seat. #EscortPorblems. It was too late to go grocery shopping at this point, so I figured I'd just get into the poppers and go to bed early.

Bed texted that he was at the Sprouts, and just needed my address. Wait, what? Okay, real quick. He brought a bucket of chicken with him, chugged his first and second drink, was a terrible lay. Couldn't stay hard, kept trying to swallow my face. I couldn't get my camera to work, unfortunately. I got enough video over the weekend I guess. I got a panicked text from Robbie - Grady had gone with George to see about rehab, but that was hours ago, and his phone was turned off. I messaged George, he called back to let me know Grady was okay, so I relayed the message to Robbie. He wanted to stay up listening to music. I begged off for a bit, insisting that I drive him home, but finally gave in. And then he said "Something you should know about me: I always win."


This time he pleaded, but I wasn't having it. He lives near the Mexican border. Actually, I think he lives right across the street from where Brandon had his Daisy Duke party a couple years ago.

Finally home, I should have gone right to bed, but I browsed the web. In between porn vids, I happened to see the bottom's page, and commented on it. He messaged me directly - he has a boyfriend, they're monogamous, he's cheating. FUCK. FUCKING FUCK FUCKOISGDOJKDFSL:DFNA. Oh. Okay.

I nearly threw up from huffing so many poppers, but I did finally cum, unsatisfying as it was, and crashed.
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Woke up at 7:30, splashed some water on my face, sent apology text to everyone that wanted to see me, then put fuel in my car and took some stuff out so Adam wouldn't have to worry about it. He showed up a little after 8:30 and got on the road. Tim had texted about coming over for breakfast, but I'm more into tricking than socializing.

I messaged with a couple guys on Grindr, mostly flakes. Spencer hit me up - we've been maybe going to hook up for a while, but it keeps not working. Maybe I've been flaking on him. He lives in a messy studio, and he's got stubble all over his shaft(!) and base of his huge, thick cock. Even though I'd been edging at home, I couldn't get hard while he fucked me. He took a video, though, so that was cool.

I played some video games and with myself for a while at home, then had another trick - Sweetzerguy- over. Very handsome guy, very connected, great kisser. He also took a vid, though I'm going to space out my postings to the group.

Peter texted me right after that, and he came over, too. I only topped him, but took a couple good vids.

George had commented that he was wandering Hillcrest if anyone wanted to hang out. He visited Jason first, so I said I'd meet him at Mo's. We got there at exactly the same time, then stood on the street corner making out. George has that effect on people, which loses some of its power when you know about it. I wondered how Brian was going to do his birthday. I guess he reserved the dance room and paid for two drinks for everyone and a catered lunch. I couldn't eat anything at the lunch, but I did have my two drinks, then bought one of my own.

For only having 3 drinks, I got pretty fucked up. Made it home safely, made some pasta, laid down on the couch. I texted Ben, asking if we could reschedule again, but didn't hear back before I passed out.

I woke up again at 11, so I'm guessing I was tired in addition to being drunk. I had a couple texts from Danny, asking about going to the Eagle. And also texts from Robbie and Grady, wanting me to come over. Yeah, that's the one that will win, I think.

I got there while they were still getting towels. They'd tried to put together a group earlier, but only one guy showed up, and he was sketchy as fuck. Apparently Grady had spilled some meth onto the guy's dick, as well as all over himself. He actually had bandages on him from his burns, but he didn't seem concerned with them. We mostly just chatted. They'd recently been to Canada, had a good time there, but their partner, Jeff had started doing meth and wasn't doing well with it. And that's why they were now staying in hotels. I guess when you've got the money.

We did eventually get down to fucking. We all fucked, I ate Grady's ass forever, Robbie took a video. Robbie passed out on Grady's arm, which was kind of sweet. I was sleepy but still wanted to keep going. Grady did, too, but with Robbie passed out there he wasn't comfortable. It was also 5am, so I needed to get home.
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Worked on a ton of claims throughout the day, tried to schedule a group thing for after work. That dropped down to a couple, and from there down to no one. Like herding cats, I tell you. Adam wanted to come over and have me test drive his car before loaning it to me the next morning, which makes total sense. We took it for a spin, then he came in and took my ass for a spin. We only hooked up once before, and this time was actually better. He eats ass the way I eat ass. Unfortunately, I didn't manage to get a video. Next time for sure.

Another guy hit me up, so I trucked over to his rental by the hospital. He said there was plenty of parking, but I guess he didn't notice that it's all permit only. Fortunately, there was a green space right outside, and late enough that it wasn't occupied. He was a nice, clever, handsome guy. We fucked in a few positions, he came. I didn't, and he didn't get a video, despite my asking.

Suzanne had suggested happy hour at Babycakes. They always want to meet up for happy hour and I tell them literally every time that I'm down for happy hour *in the gayborhood.* Given that, it would have been kind of a dick move for me to skip out on this one. I met Suzanne, Jerrell, and a couple of Suzanne's friends there. Suzanne was wearing a pineapple jacket, and I'm a bad person, so I had them take pics of me in it. Suzanne was delighted by my out of work speaking style, as were her friends. Jerrell was talking *way* too much about us getting together/married. We've fucked once.

Elizabeth joined with her kid, which was only slightly akward because drunk Squeak has very little filter. Michael Leeper and his boyfriend joined us as well, and I caught him up on the Warren drama. We decided to go to #1 after that, but Leeper's boyfriend got kicked out, and then my night got blurry as well.


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