If you're here, you could be there.

Woke up before 4, but that didn't stop me. 2 flower pots of coffee might also have had something to do with it, tbh. *FINALLY* got slightly ahead on claims despite what seemed like a never ending stream of them. Someone on FB mentioned that Rubio's is having a job faire, so I texted Bryan as much, but I figured he'd be sleeping. Our meeting largely went well, I avoided the chips, which isn't that difficult to do, worked out 3 times in my office, since I figured I wouldn't have a chance to hit the gym.

Bought essentials at the store, avoided vegan mayo, got quarters. Got a reply from Bryan, but not about the job faire. Jeff was at my place, standing next to a chair and drifting in and out of consciousness. I walked in to find an even more disheveled looking than usual Jeff, shirt open, pants literally falling off his ass, clearly high. This, of course, is somewhat upsetting. More upsetting though was that my first thought was not upset, but rather how fucking hot he looked, and a little jealousy over all the sex he surely must be having. Really, I was more disturbed by my reaction to his appearance than his appearance itself.

Bryan was passed out on his bed, naked except for his robe, but he woke up a few minutes later. He's got some kind of very very painful STD, but might also be able to get a place of his own through the Youth Housing. I'm kind of upset with myself that I didn't think of it first, really.

Jeff followed me into my room rambling about a number of topics. I couldn't make out most of them, but he mentioned wanting to shove someone's face into a blender. Repeatedly. Was almost crying over it at one point. And I'm still not sure who it was. I finally extricated myself to do laundry, review Express This Way, and spend some time with Lady Miss Friday before rehearsal. I put my towels out to dry on the balcony, and it's horrible out there. I'm amazed I have any cups left inside, bags and bags of trash (which I guess could be worse), broken pipes, etc. I really need to get my place back to myself ASAP, or I'm gonna get kicked out myself.

I realized I'd missed a rehearsal last Monday - our first for Mama's Broken Heart - but downloaded the video. It's horrible. A tiny bit of line dancing, because Country Music, but then just...shit. Got to rehearsal a little early, went over the choreography we'd learned with some boys who weren't previously there. Joe and Keith said we'd just be learning the second half of it instead of reviewing the first half. That's fine, I've got the video to rehearse with. Unfortunately, Joe and Keith were making up large swaths on the fly. Like....all of it, and asking each other how much more music they had to fill. I can't with this. One of the other dancers came up to me after to ask what I'd been doing to lose weight, which is at least nice to hear.


Jeff had passed out on the couch when I left for rehearsal, but was hanging on to consciousness watching some show on Netflix when I came back. I told him it needed to be turned way down because I was going to bed, and Bryan co-signed. He turned it down, I went to bed with Lady Miss Friday, but he walked in a few minutes later. Took him a few minutes to talk, but he finally mentioned that the other guy on the couch (Nick) had stolen some of my dick pills, and his initial plan was to try to leverage them for...something? I can always get more pills, I'd have given them away if he'd asked. I'm angry that this random guy decided to take advantage of the place giving him shelter, and I'm angry that Jeff let him in my room at all, much less let him steal from me.

It took me far too long to get to sleep.

Not quite as productive as the day before, but not anywhere near as bad as Monday and Tuesday. There were bagels and later an ice cream party for one of the law clerk's last days. I had a couple bagels, but no ice cream. Iced my finger and leg all day, the leg is feeling better, the finger isn't making as much progress as I'd hoped. One of the young gents who had previously had designs on moving out to SD and staying with me while he got on his feet messaged me. He's quit his job at McDonalds, almost gave a cam performer $300, and is depressed. I asked about a therapist, but they "can't fix the world." No, none of us can. But they can help you cope with it.

Towards the end of the day, Jeff messaged me, saying I should meet some friends of his. One I've been trying to hook up with forever anyway, and the other I've never seen before. He also thanked me for asking after him earlier in the week. He'd gone to coffee and lunch with Jesse, but Jesse opted to go home instead of coming back to my place, and got kind of weird about it. I've previously offered Jesse a place to stay, but since he's been crashing with friends for almost a year or more, I want him to have some kind of plan in place before he does. Jeff agrees there's more going on there than Jesse lets on. Jeff wanted to get him naked, but both of them were "insanely tired." In another giant step for Squeaks everywhere overcoming anxiety, I told him I'd rather he not trick in my apartment without me there. Apparently the start of our fucking a few weeks ago was squeaked Squeak telling him "I'd like to have more sex with you." I vaguely recall saying something to that effect, now that I'm reminded.

We talked more when I got home, and then when I gave him a ride to Aidan's place. He's fine not tricking at my place. Doesn't want that momentary blip of silence while I get my emotions under control to come between us, even for that second. Which is pretty insightful, really. Also, he and Bryan *really* don't like each other. One of the guys he wants me to meet up with tricked with Bryan at my place (I'm not attracted to Bryan, so idgaf), and thought it was Bryan's place. So when Jeff said he should meet "me," and gave my address, he declined to meet up with the "neurotic twink who had to change his clothes before they could fuck." I'm arguably neurotic, but I've never been a twink, and I rarely change my clothes at all, much less needing to do that to trick. Jeff apparently started laughing while the guy was still inside him at the confusion.

It was a little awkward, because Jeff was very clearly very very high. *Dripping* sweat, pupils down to pinpoints, furtive movements. I wondered if he wasn't doing a Hover impression for a bit. And I wondered if that's what it's like to talk to me when I'm drunk and/or high on music.

My next stop was meeting a visiting boy off Scruff for coffee. He'd woofed at me earlier in the week and unlocked pics, but didn't actually want to hook up. He plays the oboe and didn't mind my leaving the conversation to go pet the saggy pit bull outside. He couldn't remember where he'd parked, but needed cash back anyway, so we walked over to Walgreens where Kenneth is now working.

Tim asked to come by with Pupple but ended up sucked into watching Iron Fist with Bryan. This suits me fine, as I really just wanted to lay down with Lady Miss Friday. I gave Pupple his cheese, a couple treats, and a belly rub but then retreated to my room. I got cleaned up and despite a frightening amount of blood when I started, seemed to be fine later.

Don scheduled me for 9, lives out past Friars on Mission Gorge. Google maps decided to die a couple times on the way, but I knew the general direction to go. Also some confusion on parking, but we finally got inside. He doesn't fuck bare, and has a habit of biting when he kisses. But he was happy and I came for him, and there was no blood. Another satisfied fan.