If you're here, you could be there.

I buzzed my hair in the morning, a little undecided if I should try to grow out my hair into my favorite style or just wait until I get my wig and be content with that. Given my growing resemblance to a Q-tip, though, that question would have to wait.

I thought I would maybe hook up with Joe today, so I sent him a message, but he was offline. I ended up beating off a few times throughout the day, and thanks to some technical issue, ended up posting that instead of writing that in Messenger. I saw a message waiting for me in Model Mayhem, and it was Skinwalker potentially wanting me to shoot with them. As you're aware, I'm a little heavier than I was, and a lot heavier than I was at my lowest point of addiction, so to speak. I'm fine getting passed up fro this since I'm so heavy these days, but I am also even more grumpy at whatever's going on in my arms due to the nerve issues preventing me from working out. I ate some soy curls I'd cooked last night, but my indigestion or heartburn or whatever made it almost impossible to even swallow. I suppose that should help me slim down some after all.

I finally got to post Norman's Walk to the Music Group, and I was very happy with my description and analysis. I caught up on my journal, though I bopped back and forth chatting with Ron. He'd mentioned chaos theory, and I was trying to wrap my brain around that when he also sent me a quick Jungian archetype quiz. He didn't seem surprised that both my inner and outer me is The Innocent Child, but I also noticed that I had about 60-75% with a lot of them. I'm not sure if there are actually a ton of options and it only showed the ones you were most like, or if I just somehow managed to get fairly even scores across the board.

In the evening, I felt a little more comfortable swallowing, so I was going to make a grilled "cheese," but I couldn't get the difficult drawer open in the fridge. I ended up making just regular toast and a semidilla with nutritional yeast.

Another wonderfully productive day. Some melody kept tickling my brain all morning, much like Annie Lennox's verse in "Why" did yesterday. I finally pounced on "Back Down the Black,"....the same song I've been listening to for days now. Oh, Squeak.

I thought a lot about the spare G, but playing the tape bassically lights it all on fire. Instead, I smoked, drank, and took the 500 mg edible that came for free with my last order. I got pretty blissfully loopy. I read about a company putting out a Shatter Vape Cartridge, but on further investigation, not only does no one carry them, they're not as strong as the vape carts I've been at.

I also didn't get around to making a new jerk vid, so I didn't post one, either. I've got all weekend. I'll get there. I stumbled on a "new" song by Iron & Wine, called "The Trapeze Swinger." I spent the rest of the night swapping back and forth between that and "Back Down The Black," and something about the melody or lyrics in "Trapeze Swinger" also brought to mind "I Will Follow You Into The Dark."

In the evening, a Friend hit me up because he recalled seeing something about mental health on my Wall, and wanted to check in. I am, as always, very open about everything. We talked about depression despite meds, the difficulty in getting a therapist, and in making progress with a therapist. We're both bad at therapy, which actually made me feel a little less shitty about being bad at therapy. I hadn't actually realized I had clinical Severe Depression until I saw it on paper.

I felt a million times better on waking, and Tim called me to check on me and the mice. We got a ton of mail and were already short staffed. I managed to clean out Lady Miss Friday's litter box, but not do anything else around the house or for myself I need to.

A bee flew in, and couldn't find his way out. I considered trying to grab him despite the sting, but figured I might crush him. And I considered crushing him as a more merciful death than starving to death if he couldn't find his way out. I finally did just spider him with a cup, and glowed as he happily buzzed away.

In the afternoon, I was wondering again about the old supplement I'd read for Exalted: Abyssals. It stuck out because in the introduction, Abyssals was thematically likened to Miyu, Bloodlust, SOTN, and....others. It's sort of bugged me that I couldn't remember them, so I went on an internet hunt for that paragraph. It didn't take long before I landed on Scribd, where the whole book is available. There was a referral deal where folks who signed up got a few free months, so I shared it. It started me thinking about my attraction to those darker themes, and I remembered my gravitation towards suicide in media. I didn't come to any conclusions, but I did find out Bryan is a big Margaret Weis & Tracy Hickman fan.

Watching my mice in the evening, it occurred to me that my feelings actually changed regarding them when I couldn't stop them from sneaking down. Fear of failure, preemptive self hatred for them having babies....I dunno. But it was a dream to have them return to little drops of brightness again.

The Cobra Extracts cartridge works fine with the new pens I bought, and is 87.5% THC. I managed to get a little high on it, but not quite where I'm looking to go. Later in the evening, Lady Miss Friday came out while I was watching Community. Instead of demanding I come lay on the bed, though, she laid down next to me and eventually fell asleep. It was wonderful.