If you're here, you could be there.

Julian had messaged me late last night that he knew I wasn't talking to my mom. What? I figured he was probably mixing memories and largely ignored it. I wasn't really sure what to do with the day, but didn't put too much pressure on myself. I took a full Jazz warm-up in the living room, and it actually helped with my previous half-baked decision to hire choreographers. Now, of course, I'm fully baked any chance I get. Better than the alternative.

I finally checked and I was indeed in FB Jail just for acknowledging someone's trash status. I filed an appeal with their Decision Board or whatever it is. FB's Guidelines are as focused as they are lengthy about the various protected classes (sex, religion, national origin, etc), but nowhere is "impolite" banned. Julian messaged me about his appeal, and it was quite enlightening. He said they didn't fire him for tardiness, but that's the reason written on the discharge, and Arkansas has a special code section saying you're not eligible for UI if you're dismissed within the probationary period for attendance. He was fired on the last possible day. There's a little wiggle room still - his signature isn't on the time cards, and they're supposedly required to be on the phone before they clock in, which would be illegal in itself. And the day he no-showed there was a flood or something. I'll try to find something to support that. I'll figure out how to give him the best fighting chance he can get.

I'm sure any defense trial lawyer would get a good laugh at my shock that people lie, not just when the truth would do, but even when the truth would be more useful. I suppose I sort of see that in the client letters we get, too, proclaiming innocence even when there's DNA. And witnesses. And video. Posted to social media. He mentioned that on his trip, he wants to go to Coronado, get a mug for his mom. Fine by me. I care so much more about not having to decide than whatever we actually do. I'm aggressively accommodating. I'm also going to look up potential ideas.

I drank, of course, and at least had the presence to write down any ideas that scampered across my brain. Kelly covering the WWRY version of "A Kind of Magic," a recovery-themed re-write of Cher's "Believe," and even a work-friendly version of my frequent statements of assistance: "Badgers are helpful creatures." Would have been a lot more timely when the prevailing belief was in honey badger's indifference.

I remembered to look for a breathalyzer though most of them were battery operated. USB is just so much more convenient. I didn't decide on one, but it's not pressing. I heard a new track by Fleet Foxes, "The Shrine / An Argument," and for some reason, it reignited my fascination with suicide. That's obviously somewhat risky research to delve into, so I made sure I'd taken my meds and made a rule that if I started sinking, if I started ideation, I'd retreat. I saw A Broken Wing on the list of tracks about suicide, but the Wiki agreed with my assessment, that it's left, likely intentionally, open to interpretation. Black Hole Sun and Chandelier were also on there, so I read up. Chandelier is about addiction, depression, and The Quest. From Wiki: "Lyrically, the song has a melancholic theme, detailing the demoralisation and rationalisation of alcoholism through the thought process of a "party girl". More broadly, the song speaks to the fleeting feelings of release and abandon that come with intoxication, as well as the pain, guilt and emptiness that accompany addiction, alcoholism and hedonistic excess." It was a little odd to be drinking while reading that, so I called it a night.

I was sort of vaguely irritated all morning that I'd fucked up my long weekend both by trying to forgo my meds and wasting time beating off. But I had things to do today since I didn't do them yesterday, and I promised Tim I would swing down. I called the smog place, just to make sure they were open, and started getting ready to head out, but ran out of time before I had to hack together some homework for my session with Candace. I hadn't really thought much about last session, which is likely a reflection of much of the subject matter. I owned it at the start of the meeting and replayed Tim telling me her philosophy: You take what you can when you can. Bassically.

Candace was obviously fine with it, we talked some about Houdini dying and the echoes of my rage over Mousey. She noted that Houdini died peacefully instead of filled with pain and terror, and that's obviously why I scream so loud and often over Mousey. The whole fucking reason I saved him was so he didn't die in pain and terror. F. F Minus. On the plus side, we also talked some about mistakes. Kind of apt (AAAPT!), really, since I was just talking about intent. As you know, my dad was the king of wishful thinking hindsight. He would have legit been disappointed in me for not guessing the right Lottery numbers. If I fuck things up and bad shit happened, that is a world of difference from *wanting* to fuck things up. It's how I decide if the guys my boyfriends cheat on me with are friends or dinner. If you didn't know you were part of my partner cheating on me, all good. If you did, I will do everything in my power to destroy you. I don't happen to have much power, but it's worked here and there. On that note, she sort of deflected from my partners' intent, noting that it probably "seemed like a good idea at the time." I have no fucking poker face. All of my partners who've cheated on me have been well aware of...whatever that insane mixture of vanity, jealousy, and satyriasis is. I keep the red haze from bleeding into a murderous rage over them not just fucking communicating with me by reviewing their motives and recognizing that awkward topics are very hard to bring up. Easier to beg forgiveness (if caught) than ask permission.

I mentioned both my pull to relapse and the many friends of mine who've relapsed. In particular, and I remember going through this with cake, all these holidays got me jonesing. She noted there's always a reason to use. Yay, it's Friday! Drink! Oh no, another week is over and I haven't accomplished X! Drink! And to paraphrase myself, the sadness of the world will relapse you if you let it. I thought more about that post I'd seen from Justin re: suicide. "You don't want to die, you just want the pain to stop." Addiction falls under that same umbrella. When whoever it was, maybe even an introspection, wanted me to figure out why I was so desperate for numbness. I don't want to be here, and failing that, if I can just numb enough, it'll be a stopgap. I'm obviously not as bad as I was, but if I had an out in front of me...

Since the day was flowing by I headed down to Tim's boat directly instead of getting my car smogged. He asked me to bring creamer and Splenda, so I packed a bag with veggies for the ducks, cheese for Pupple, and enough Splenda and creamer that I'll just keep a stash there. It was a little disjointed since Pupple walks sandwiched everything, and our conversation kept fading. It felt like we both had things to say but couldn't figure out the right way to bring them up. I remember we talked about the symbol for my religion, my worry that the heartfinity would be mawkish, and the knowledge that you can't convey absolutely everything in any symbol. I let perfect be the enemy of good often. I thought it was too late to feed the ducks but went along with it anyway. The ducks gathered on the beach in anticipation, I felt like Evita, and then all sorts of birds flew in to get in on the snack. Finches, seagulls, loons, etc. Next time I'll bring more. I loved feeding them, obv, but I felt all my pessimism circling. I didn't feed them enough, and if I did, they'd just outbreed any amount I gave them, and either way they're going to be fucked when I stop.

I probably shouldn't have, but I stopped at the store on the way back. Picked up Splenda, creamer, cat food for both LMF and my stray friends.... And wine. I called my mom when I got home to let her know of Houdini's passing, but she was at the store with Mike, so it was a brief conversation. I tried to watch the new season of Bonding but found the unrealistic plot devices too much, but I was at least reminded that the guy playing Doug is gorgeous.

I didn't think it was too late when I woke, I wasn't hungover, didn't have bad indigestion, etc. In order to continue educating someone, I logged in to Twitter from my work browser. The discussion was RE: the electoral college, and he eventually resorted to "yeah, but what happens if we stop following laws/the constitution? Then what's to protect low population states?" The fact that literally all laws are ultimately simply agreements between members of a population didn't matter. He might as well have gone with "Yeah, but what if the world ends?"

Julian sent me a video remix of Sam Smith's cover of "I Feel Love" filmed at some giant Euro circuit party. Since I focused on the track, he mentioned he mostly just wanted the guys. Easier to get an orgy in Palm Springs, and he eventually said he wanted an orgy with just me. I couldn't tell if he was joking, and while I was considering how I even felt about orgies with a partner and how I felt about Julian specifically, he called. I was unusually open with him about my plans to buy a futon/convertible couch so I could trick & work, but happened on the brilliant idea of being able to watch Netflix "in bed" with Lady Miss Friday. I suppose a studio would really be all I needed, if I was just a hermit. When I mentioned that I'd discussed it with Tim and realized I would probably not be able to avoid getting more house guests if I had an additional mattress in addition to the couch, he asked if I was addicted to it. Yes. I'm fairly obsessed with making life less shitty for others. Obv.

I tried to log in to Facebook in the evening, and discovered 1) my jailing is for 4 days and 2) it was indeed for attempting to post that screencap. I'm still not sure how posting a screencap of someone's comment is against their Guidelines, but the actual comment itself is fine. More importantly, since it was blocked by FB on trying to post it, as opposed to reported or something, couldn't they just make it impossible to post things against their standards rather than FB Jailing you for trying? And then I blacked out from drinking.

I woke up much more ready to tackle the day and try to accomplish things in the new year. First stop was Ralph's, and I even wrote a list! I still had to convince myself to go, because I was mostly going for creamer, and my Depression Era Butchness tells me to just Man Up and drink black coffee so I can save that roughly dollar or so per week. It was finally the idea I could combine it with Discount Tire that pushed me over the edge. Naturally, when I got there, I realized I'd forgotten my list. And a mask. I was going to just put a cumrag over my face, eventually found one in one of the seat spaces (a mask, not a cumrag). One side was broken, but I was able to wrap it around my ear and get through it. A little while ago, I'd gone to Ralph's but left my phone at home to charge. I heard a track I wanted to Shazam, and while I'm happy I went ahead and asked the employees, it was ultimately unsuccessful. I heard another track this time, and this time I'd brought my phone! But it was ultimately unsuccessful. I'm not as upset over this one because it was closer to Okay than Great, but I'd thought that maybe it would be like Body Language or Clairy Browne. I also heard Shake Your Groove Thing in one of the aisles, and was as delighted as I was surprised to hear such a high energy track at 7 am when most of their music is significantly calmer. Turns out it was the employee standing behind me playing it off his phone or something. We had a good laugh and positive interaction. The mask convinced me not to try Discount Tire, but at least I resisted buying booze or candy.

Lenny messaged me again and it was a much more balanced conversation than yesterday. He's a gymnast, but broke his wrist and didn't have the medical coverage to get it taken care of at the time. He's gonna come take dance class with me & Amanda when we can again. My mom called, and it ended up being a two hour conversation, but only had a few awkward pauses. We're both working through ish we didn't even know we had. The topic of my addiction came up, and we went over again the absurd amount of patience Tim had to have to get me through it. I don't recall getting vicious with him, but she's mentioned it before, and brought it up again. She apparently wanted to fix it somehow, but everyone told her to leave me alone. I'm back to that complete befuddlement over where the line between enabling and helping starts. I found my way back into my Myspace, though a bunch of my photos are now gone. I also downloaded Marco Polo because she asked me to, but I don't see any real difference between it and any of the video clip apps out there. At least I managed to give her some advice about addressing her health, her insomnia, etc. Lady Miss Friday kept meowing at me, so I laid down with her. She ate breakfast - it is like the sweetest thing ever that it's not enough for me to be in the room, she wants me laying down while she eats. Or she just doesn't like me being on the computer because I was such a mess when I was using. Then she slept right next to me, and it was so touching I took like...a dozen pics.

It hadn't been quite a full month since I checked in on Justin, but I messaged him anyway. I wish he'd message me. Even when we were seeing each other, I pretty much always had to initiate contact, so maybe that's just him. Or maybe he's just not that into you. The conversation started brief, but I got him to open up some. He recently watched The Matrix, noted that it was a trans allegory, and has been considering the theory that none of this is real. There's some astrophysics theory that points to it as well. He dropped out of the conversation shortly after, but it at least gave me the chance to re-examine the film, my interpretations and takeaways, and the psychological implications involved. And doing so made me realize I'd allowed my apathy (bordering on resentment) of the rest of the trilogy color my view of the first one.

It was a very interesting day for Diplomacy. One of the trails I hunted down in the morning talked about motivational interviewing, and that led me to a reminder to work on my diplomacy. I picked the wrong week to stop biting people. I tried really hard to find common ground with people before educating them, and tried to educate them as gently and diplomatically as possible. One elderly gent huffed away when I asked for a clarification. But he also missed the sarcasm in my retort, and maybe we get along now? Willow had Copy/Pasted some Christian nonsense pretending to be oppressed. I mostly let it go previously, but some garbage started ranting at me, complaining about separation of church and state. When that didn't work, both of them started flat out lying. Paul, a really really attractive leather boy I got to fuck at one of Sean's parties, had been lamenting the mob mentality on the gaysovercovid IG, and posted some dystopian prediction that even after covid-19, no one will be "allowed" to celebrate anything or party. On the plus side, I finally learned how to use tag groups. And some dickhead tried to come for me over my AOC group. Ultimately, I think he was my favorite on account of his sheer ineptitude. Trying to retort to studies with Youtube clips and claiming (clearly and provably wrongly) that there is just as much violent extremism on the Left as the Right.

Ending the note on a purely positive note, Alan, who lives in LA and had previously worked on a documentary about sex workers (which is how we met), had posted an article referencing Heston and cancel culture. At some point I'm going to do a little more research on the topic in general, because there have been occasions where someone's faux pas has resulted in an internet mob making it impossible for them to find employment for years to come. But today was not that day, and tomorrow doesn't look good either. Heston's presence in the article alone should have been a giant red flag, because while I guess he used to be progressive, he flipped around 1970 and became the poster child for whiny privileged dolts throwing tantrums. I politely and diplomatically informed him the article was trash, and he messaged me. He's been depressed over the alienation and economic fallout over the last year. And he got a guiche. I'm not in any position to diagnose whether a person needs meds, therapy, or just lifestyle changes, and told him so, but I was able to talk him through the storm he was facing. As you're aware, I'm very open about my depression, and we touched on that time I ran out of my meds. I'd read a thing that defined toxic positivity as internalized relative privation. The idea that others have it worse, so we should just toughen up, not seek help, etc. That definition is incorrect, but it was useful in that moment, and I'm not sure what to call that phenomenon in reality. I had to tap out shortly after, because it was somewhere around 2am or so. In spite of my "diplomacy" resulting in almost just as much venom as I normally spit, I was really happy with my efforts from the day, and relaxed into sleep on the cloud of Lady Miss Friday snoring and Merryweather running around in my room.

I stayed in bed with Lady Miss Friday, but when it became clear after a few minutes that I was extremely awake, I finally got up and took care of things for Tim. Mostly pills and repositioning, nothing huge. Tootie picked him up, just so he could get out of the house. Which some people like. Lady Miss Friday seemed overjoyed to have the house back to herself. Y'know, for a cat. Eventually, I laid down with her and she slept under the covers. My mom called, so I got up and moved to the living room. It was a short lived conversation as Tim came back shortly thereafter. I lamented never being able to get high enough on weed, and touched on the temptation with G, since the chem itself was so easy to buy in bulk. He noted that even with G, I developed a tolerance, and I was taking massive amounts by the end.

For some reason, when I remember things on 33rd/at their worst, I mostly think of afternoon sunlight. But there were so many times waking up in the middle of the night, stumbling around, and concerned that Patrick or Justin were spending the night and would be disturbed. Neither of them ever visited that apartment, much less crashed there. I suppose realiti itself was touch and go at that time.

Tim, on learning that I was waiting for a space heater to arrive for Lady Miss Friday, lamented again that I've taken one of the most low maintenance pets you can have (a cat) and turned it into a full time job. And later lamented my grocery shopping, or lack thereof, as I try to save a couple dollars here and there....in the face of bills that are much higher and the loss of a side job, since I don't escort any more. Choose your battles, Tim, because those two are unreachable.

At a minimum, I had no trouble keeping my fangs sheathed. I'm pretty secure in my devotion to Lady Miss Friday, I'm a helluva lot better about groceries than I was when I would eat a can of garbanzos for a meal, and given his various ills at the moment, his crankiness is more than understandable. As the night wore on, he developed a headache. If it was a fever or due to covid, he couldn't get his surgery tomorrow. He grumbled that I didn't have a thermometer, but Tootie also doesn't own one, so I don't feel as bad. Tami wanted me to get a covid rapid test from CVS, but Tim complained that I'd need to Lyft there. She said she'd do it, but then called back later to tell us to get it delivered. She seemed flustered, Tim only brought up my car to pressure me into fixing it, and there are no OTC covid tests. That last part makes sense, seeing as how OTC STI tests are a just now emerging tech. He still needed a thermometer, so I said I'd get it from Ralph's. I needed a few things as well; coffee and such. I walked over, managed to get everything on my list (for $30, which is a much better use than the 10 packages of tortillas), avoided the *very* strong temptation to buy wine, and actually felt ambivalent about the walk. As opposed to my usual loathing. It did take me forever to find the thermometer, though. There was nothing by the pharmacy, nothing in the headache pills aisle, nothing in the first aid section....the best I could find at first was children's thermometers in that section. Eventually I managed to find a digital thermometer just sitting on the shelf, so I didn't let it stay there. Tim's temp was the high side of normal, but still within the normal bounds. He thought it would have been higher earlier....um....cool? He did, at least, laugh because my very clear goal when I got back was to get back to Lady Miss Friday.

Up in the dark, but between my meds and Lady Miss Friday, I managed to....not quite doze, but I guess just relax or something.

Travis's hit single "Sing" had been tickling around the back of my head while I went to sleep last night, and since it was still running around, I went ahead an posted it to the Music Group as Dusty. Naturally, I listened on repeat for a while, and found it striking me emotionally in a lighter version of what Polica's "Wandering Star" used to. I suppose that for all that I've acknowledged my own co-evolution regarding emotions, knowing the truth is not the same as being empowered to change it.

I had thought about buzzing my beard, both because it was getting too fuzzy and since basic hygiene is one of my therapy goals, as absurd as that sounds. I did, at least, not let perfect be the enemy of good and filled out the yearly review survey that management had asked for. It was surprisingly interesting, asking questions about recognition and reward. I avoided writing answers for the most part, since I'm aware something as simple as my speech pattern would be a dead give away. We had the weekly meeting, and it felt like some sort of milestone. Lynelle's voice shook when she talked about the year we've had and the importance of the survey, someone commented something in the vein of that Venn Diagram between Absolute Narcissism and Crippling Self Doubt, and Xochi recommended ashwagandha for sleep and numbing, but I think I've tried it before to try to get more/any precum, and nada. Din ended things talking about a recently deceased cat, and it turned into him talking about his father, who died around the same time. I don't have a relationship with Din where I could give insight on issues he hints at or alludes to, but doesn't claim, so I kept silent.

In the evening, I went moth hunting and watched the last of The Magicians. Moth-wise, I've killed a lot more manually than the traps have. Good? Since I can't help but make jokes, I always say "high-five, yo" when I smash them. Anything at all to distract from the horrid feeling. I also took a Seroquel, and my normal two a little early.

Possibly related, but I was unprepared for Q's line in The Magicians, "Did I do something brave to save my friends? Or did I finally find a way to kill myself?" I think it probably hit home the same way for a lot of folks who's waters are rife with heavy rip currents.

That same awkwardness and duality of being so content next to Lady Miss Friday...and therefore adding that to the reasons I'd be happy to not be here rose up, but it was thankfully just shortly before I fell asleep.

I dreamt that Justin texted me something important, and when I went to message him, saw he'd previously asked me how I was, but I thought that was my message he'd left on Read. I gave him a brief rundown, asked him how he was doing....and he left it on Read. I also messaged Chip, since it had been a while. Ryan is back for a bit and has been dying his hair green, Wendell has gone traveling to see Dongs Around The World. I'm happy for him, however much awkwardness there is under the surface between him and Chip. Tim also texted me, relatively early for him, and even included a Mr. Rogers track. I'm approaching Ho-ness again, however long that road might be. The biggest obstacle, so to speak, is my belly. I don't need to feel "thin enough," because that simply doesn't exist, but if I can get back down around or under 150, I'll be okay.

Someone posted a humorous note about holding plank, and the relative speed of time. I started replying, but given the novels I sometimes write instead of brief commiserations, I ultimately just made a post of my own about Katie McIver's warmup. It was an odd memory echo, particularly seeing folks I used to dance with reacting.

I tried to stay focused at work, especially since I had (Possible? Probable?) Jury Duty on Friday. I was irritated, though not terribly surprised, that the city had reinstated standard parking restrictions, even as the city returned to curfews and the like. I did, at least, remember to call after 5pm, and didn't have Jury Duty, but did still need to call for the next few nights. I'm not even sure how to handle that as far as attendance at work, but whatever.

My wig arrived from Aliexpress, but I didn't have the patience to unwrap it and put it on. Despite not having Jury Duty tomorrow, I smoked as much as I could, and took my meds a little early, just so I could float a bit. I'm aware this is awkward ground, though I don't think Seroquel is addictive, and of course that whole "sleeping med" part could get awkward. Why is Numb so hard to get to?

Shockingly, I had a friend request from the gent I'd shredded over marriage yesterday. Always suspicious, I messaged him, but he confirmed his request to be Friends. We'll see how long he lasts. I also got a message from Eli, apologizing for losing his temper the other day. He did not re-Friend me, but I'm glad we're on good terms again. I thought more about Julian, and wondered what I should do there. Unable to decide on a plan of action, I did nothing.

Tim had said he wanted me to take him to Plumeria for his birthday, but they're only doing take-out, so he decided to come over instead. I'd been putting off a lot of chores, and even basic hygiene, so it was a very good opportunity to catch up on that. I stopped short of mopping, because that always takes so long, but did go above and beyond for everything else. I even moved the couch to vacuum under it....except in moving it back, I accidentally dragged it over my toe, and there's a bunch of blood under the nail now. Lady Miss Friday growled at some noise I couldn't hear and hid under the bed. I used that as an opportunity to ask for recommendations for a mobile vet, because I'll need one eventually. When Terry and I were talking to one another, he'd spoken several times about taking me with them when they move, as a roommate. I'm happy not having roommates, but the very first thought was how unhappy Lady Miss Friday gets when she's taken out of our cave. I won't put her through that again, and as you know, I still scream at myself, very loudly and very frequently, for not giving up G for her earlier. Keagan texted me to check in, and I was...me, and asked what I posted that made him check.

Scrolling FB after cleaning, I saw a post from DeAnthony discussing classical vs electronic music. The consensus was that classical music was three dimensional and electronic music lacked "soul." I wasn't entirely sure what was even meant by that, but I started browsing some tracks that I thought might fit. I ended up creating a playlist for it, so that I didn't end up just spamming the thread with link after link. I could, of course, have just posted all the links in one comment, but I actually hate when I have to do that and only the first one gets a preview. Doesn't feel fair to the others. The playlist spanned genres, realistically, but since the qualities I was hunting for were so vague, that's unsurprising. Here's the link (https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLWGgbQUduaUnN2fpfLEujcRobEGIsKbKu), and in case any of them get deleted or similar, here's a list: Bakermat - Teach Me, Armin Van Buuren - Shivers, M83 feat. Suzanne Sundfor - Oblivion, Tom Hangs feat. Shermanology - Blessed, Disclosure - You & Me (Flume Remix), Flume & Chet Faker - Drop The Game, Calvin Harris feat. Florence Welch - Sweet Nothing, Avicii feat. Audra Mae - Addicted To You, Avicii feat. Audra Mae - Addicted To You (Avicii Remix), CVRCHES - Do I Wanna Know? (cover of Arctic Monkey's track from Like A Version), Miike Snow - Silvia, Galleaux - Tether Me, Claire Guerreso - Ashes. I didn't think to add them at the time, but In This Life and In My Heart by Moby also go there (as does much of Moby's music, come to think of it), and I'll probably continue to add to it. I take music *very* seriously. There was some Goal Shifting, and he noted that it was the classical *elements* in the electronic tracks and vocals that contributed to the "soul" there. I kept my fangs sheathed, but pointed out we were talking about overall genres, not elements, and added him to the Music Group instead.

I was very very very frustrated that my Skywalker wasn't working for me, but thought I could help it along by adding a few drinks. It did, for a bit, but somewhere in the back of my head, I knew I was going to get drunk. And I felt Depression stalking me under the waves. Tim came over with Pupple a little after 6, we ordered from one of the delivery services - they had a $10 off coupon for first timers, so it actually ended up being slightly cheaper than getting it directly. It's a stupid thing, but I always try to tip in cash. I've heard of companies taking part of the tip when it's done via credit card, and of course when it's cash, the it's not noted for the IRS. Tim was absolutely *determined* to have a good time, forgave me for drinking, and spoke rationally about saving my life last year (he insists he just opened the door for me to save myself), and noted that my intended new religion sounds a lot like Buddhism. He's certainly endured worse from me, but on the celebration of his birthday.... After dinner, I decided to re-watch Boys In The Band (yet again), and apparently had never seen it before. I took that as my opportunity to post about it on FB. I meant to post about their lip sync to Heat Wave, but...booze. I did, at least, give somewhat realistic analysis on who I identify with, rather than just Mary Sue-ing myself as Harold.

Stayed focused in the morning; I initially forgot about the schedule change, so the eservice was a little late. Potmatess had a 5g/100 sale on Alpine and Kingpen carts, but they were still sold out of Alpine's Northern Lights. I considered just trying 5 different Alpine carts, but 1) I really don't think wanting at least one Certainty is unreasonable, and 2) 5g/100 is a great deal, but not as good as the B2G1, which comes out to just a little over 16.50/gram. I texted them about it, and they're supposed to let me know when they get them back in.

I saw my ballot still sitting in the outgoing bin, and rather than cluck about the sky falling and conspiracy theories, I just dropped it off at the library. They were very friendly, and wanted to make sure I'd signed it and whatnot appropriately. I saw some folks walking their pups, nearly shouted to them, but then I saw it was Terry and Taka. I do feel bad that I won't get to see Gohan anymore, but not so bad that I'd make an overture to Terry.

One of the tagged threads from Laugh Reacting had some persistent villains. One, in particular, had said I was lying about the number of deaths in the U.S. from COVID, then ran through just about every logical fallacy in the book. Goal shifting, red herrings, ad hominem attacks, straw men, and whatever you call this Right Wing Cult nonsense of expecting everyone to just believe what they write, with no source or citation. Somewhere in the back of my head, I thought I should not feed the trolls, but that simply wouldn't be like me. For better or worse, I'm like my dad's Left Wing doppelganger. It was also excellent practice for me, to be able to track and call out fallacies.

I saw a post in the evening about still providing basic needs to addicts, and while it was met with general approval, Eli and Stuart both jumped in with stories about all they've suffered from addicts. I tried my best to still be kind and diplomatic, but Eli ended up angrily blocking me because I wouldn't let him cuss out some other friends, and that meant I couldn't reply to Stuart, either. I left it, though, because I'm happy with my responses. I also saw a few posts saying it was Pronouns Day. I thought I saw that a few weeks ago, and there are conflicting reports. I went ahead and posted mine (any), but at least remembered to phrase it in a much nicer way.

Keagan posted regarding a horrid neighbor, and even referenced Elaine Stritch and vodka stingers. I don't have any Cognac, so I made Eric Juice (vodka + crystal light) instead. Took a couple hundred mg of edibles, and since it still wasn't working, popped open one of the joints that come free when you order enough weed. It was enough.

Usual Monday morning wake up, with Lady Miss Friday asking for breakfast, then us staring at each other until I couldn't hide from the daylight any longer. I wanted to finish my journal from yesterday, and figured I'd do some housework after. Fortunately, I know me pretty well, so I insisted I at least swap out with one chore, one Misc Task. I started with sweeping...then kept procrastinating swapping, so I just did chores all morning. I even went grocery shopping, and snagged the mop I promised Tim I'd get.

I'd had a great time last night, and while I think the Northern Lights will be fine on their own...trust but verify. I took one Seroquel, but I think that'll be my last recreational one for the most part. The Northern Lights worked fine, and I spent the night swapping between Lucifer and music. I didn't spend as much time with Lady Miss Friday as I would have liked, and I did start flagellating myself over it. I also thought sitting stoned would have made a great opportunity to replay some SNES games, but that will have to wait.

My mom called as I was laying down to sleep, so I answered, but Terry started messaging me about killing himself, so I ended the call with my mum, and messaged Terry about his pups.