Lure of Chemical Footballs
Dec. 14th, 2020 04:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thepnutgalleryI could really get used to the whole "No Hangovers" thing. I woke up around 6, reviewed stuff on my phone and laid with Lady Miss Friday. I really cannot say enough about how happy it makes me to sleep and wake with her right next to my head.....But I'm likely to try! :-D I got into work just fine, and stayed fairly focused. Not enough to get it all done, but enough that I won't be panicking tomorrow.
My session with Candace was fine. She brought up Tim asking about the media of me high. Her first question had been why he even keeps them. Her best guess was just to show me if I considered using again. On the one hand, I have considered using again. On the other, I'm not likely to go asking people who had to move Heaven and Earth to keep me alive through my last addiction if I'm going to. Fortunately, I'm aware of that. And more than that, I'm aware of all the times I bought bread. Every time, I'd be standing there in the aisle telling myself that Maybe This Time I would show some moderation. I'm not going to try it with G. She talked about my inability to recognize my own accomplishments. It's sort of a dark (moi?) and extreme (MOI?!) version of Miley's song about there always being a new challenge. It's kicking the can. I still haven't messaged my high school English teacher because I don't have enough to show for it. I've got high INT but low WIS. I wrote down a bunch of partial notes, but many of them don't make much sense. "Love despite dysfunction. Negation. Can behave." Cool story, Squeak. There was the note that I don't demand perfection out of anyone but myself. I'm supposed to watch How to Get Away With Murder, but I don't see that happening soon.
I remembered to pay my credit card bill, and I was delighted that even with TG, my bill was only $700. I generally spend about 1k/mo. Instead of watching TV after work, I journaled, smoked (and smoked and smoked), and soaked into music. There was some track I had a couple words floating about in my head from, but all I remembered was something "beat" and that Odesza remixed it. I found it quickly enough, and I'm loving listening with the ear bud headphones. I thought maybe I heard some knocking over the music, but there was no one and nothing there when I (eventually) got up to check.
I'd gotten the news around midday that Pornhub had deleted a metric fuckton of videos, so when I opted for an Obligational Jerk Off, I didn't even bother going there. I put on Staxus, but minimized it for some reason and never bothered to pop it back up. Similar to the times I've just listened to the music in my head, I kept thinking about fucking ex boyfriends. Take Orgasms, but make it Maladaptive.
My session with Candace was fine. She brought up Tim asking about the media of me high. Her first question had been why he even keeps them. Her best guess was just to show me if I considered using again. On the one hand, I have considered using again. On the other, I'm not likely to go asking people who had to move Heaven and Earth to keep me alive through my last addiction if I'm going to. Fortunately, I'm aware of that. And more than that, I'm aware of all the times I bought bread. Every time, I'd be standing there in the aisle telling myself that Maybe This Time I would show some moderation. I'm not going to try it with G. She talked about my inability to recognize my own accomplishments. It's sort of a dark (moi?) and extreme (MOI?!) version of Miley's song about there always being a new challenge. It's kicking the can. I still haven't messaged my high school English teacher because I don't have enough to show for it. I've got high INT but low WIS. I wrote down a bunch of partial notes, but many of them don't make much sense. "Love despite dysfunction. Negation. Can behave." Cool story, Squeak. There was the note that I don't demand perfection out of anyone but myself. I'm supposed to watch How to Get Away With Murder, but I don't see that happening soon.
I remembered to pay my credit card bill, and I was delighted that even with TG, my bill was only $700. I generally spend about 1k/mo. Instead of watching TV after work, I journaled, smoked (and smoked and smoked), and soaked into music. There was some track I had a couple words floating about in my head from, but all I remembered was something "beat" and that Odesza remixed it. I found it quickly enough, and I'm loving listening with the ear bud headphones. I thought maybe I heard some knocking over the music, but there was no one and nothing there when I (eventually) got up to check.
I'd gotten the news around midday that Pornhub had deleted a metric fuckton of videos, so when I opted for an Obligational Jerk Off, I didn't even bother going there. I put on Staxus, but minimized it for some reason and never bothered to pop it back up. Similar to the times I've just listened to the music in my head, I kept thinking about fucking ex boyfriends. Take Orgasms, but make it Maladaptive.
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