If you're here, you could be there.

Woke up before my alarm, had a magnificent conversation with Hugo. It turns out he's also a huge fan of Amelie and Yann Tiersen. He listened to everything I've been obsessed with lately, and even suggested a couple great songs and joined the Music Group. And we discussed my addiction.

Entering NOAs took me forever, and the fact that we still can't Tag claims messed with my rhythm. I drank too much in the afternoon, smoked through most of a cartridge, and also discovered the protein powder from TJ's isn't as high in vitamins as I thought it was...but then, I couldn't find any other affordable ones that had *any* vitamins, either.

Later in the evening, I saw S3:E9 of Community, where you find out Shirley made Jeff wet his pants beating him at fooseball when they were little. The ending features an anime sequence with them fighting on a cliff while lightning strikes all around them. It made me think about the Mean Teddies cartoon short from a while back, and I interspersed watching that with Catwoman's final scene in Batman: Returns. I even updated my profile pic to the teddy bear, and realized I'd be a much bigger bitch without my furkids....in addition to having been dead without them. The supplies from Chewy arrived, but I didn't get around to cleaning out their cage or the litter box, and I'm starting to scream at myself for it.

Julian texted in the evening, asking about the laws on direct deposit, and hoping employers had to offer it. I couldn't find anything at the time, but I was also tipsy. I also saw a post of ChristiCat's asking for nudes, or just selfies for Esparza's birthday. Since all of my stuff is out there already, I agreed to make a video just for him. Unfortunately, I couldn't decide what to do. Larissa suggested edging, but...that would just be a really long jerk off vid, solo, and I feel like most people only watch me for my cumshots.

As I suspected I might be, I was tired all day. I dunno how much of that was me taking my pill late and how much was going to bed late, but whatever. I've decided when we're busy like this, I'll do claims all morning long, then swap to mail and such in the afternoon. I slammed into claims in the morning...then kept pounding them after lunch. Moderation is not my strong suit. I got all my work done, all my NOA's worked up, and down to today in claims. I was upset I didn't finish it all, but I'm happy with it.

After work, I thought and thought about the Staxus membership, but since I'm working on not being penny-wise and dollar-foolish, and it's only $10 for the week, I did it. Then found out there are no downloads for anything but a year-long membership. I sent an email to cancel, but then figured out a way around it. As far as I'm aware, Hotmail doesn't have a way to recall messages, so to be safe, I just started downloading as much as I could. I think I'm gonna spend the rest of the online Visa on Soy Curls.

Brendan posted something using the word "rhythm," and while I've never managed to attain taste associations (and more importantly, aversions), words, lyrics, and music get lodged wherever they embed themselves into my brain. Eurydice has a speech that uses the word at the end of the play by Sarah Ruhl, so I brought it up, and Brendan found a youtube video of Rice University performing it. I was too drunk to watch by that point, but I tagged Justin in my response, and I can't wait to see it. He hasn't responded to any taggings lately, and I keep thinking about us. I think we could've been boyfriends if I wasn't a drug addict while I was seeing him. At the same time, I'm Sliding Doors the whole experience, and remembering how many I've met and been able to help due to being single (for however long I manage that), and trying not to make this one of the things I excoriate myself for.

Woke up at 5, which was less than ideal. Tried to make use of the time, at least, by edging and getting clean. Should have made coffee, but by the time I gave up on sleep, I didn't want to risk that upsetting my stomach. Christian showed up on time, tried on the suit - it actually fits him better than it does me, since he's a bigger boy. We packed up the car and headed out.

I'd have liked for us to shoot the intro again, but I'm just as bad as a newbie when it comes to asking for another take, or stopping the action, etc. The shoot itself went great. I topped him in a couple positions, he fucked me in several positions. The flies were all over us, and we should probably have some way of holding down the sheets on subsequent shoots, but the sex was pretty hot. He took a bit to cum, and had possibly the loudest orgasm in porn history. My shot was fairly disappointing, for me. It landed square on his chest symbol, though, so that's kind of perfect.

He declined to stay for the orgy, but maybe wanted to go out later. The orgy participants, predictably, started asking for menu specifics. How many guys, how many tops/bottoms, needing pics, etc. I'm not really here for that, and I told them as much. Bryan was home playing Dragon Age, and while I'll kick someone out if I have work, tricks can grow the fuck up if they have a problem. I'd have invited him to join in, but he apparently has a fissure in his ass and gonorrhea and/or chlamydia in his dick. So that's not gonna work. Most people no-showed, but that's why you accept so many RSVP's - because 90% of them aren't going to cum. We ended up with a 4 way, and it worked better than previous 4 ways I've had. It helps that me and the guest of honor were both vers. We fucked each other, the two tops took turns fucking us, everyone came in me.

Tim showed up just as we were finishing up, Bryan still playing Dragon Age. One of the tops, another Eric, decided to go to The Hole with me, but Tim needed to take my car and get fuel first. On the drive out there, Eric ran his fingers through my hair. The Hole was surprisingly not crowded. I bought us drinks but opted to keep it to just one. Briefly chatted with Jason and Paul - Paul was dressed as an Easter Bunny and handing out little chocolate eggs. Perfect, really. We ran into Jake, and ended up talking to him for most of the rest of the time there. He wants Eric to come down again for various house music festivals. I want them both to fuck me and to get it on video.

It also got very cold very fast as the afternoon stretched on, so I offered to make dinner for Eric. TJ's had closed at 5, which ruined my plans for dumplings, but I got sweet and sour "pork" at Ralph's instead. Tim was predictably still at my place. He'd gotten sucked into watching Iron Fist with Bryan. Bryan would later tell me that he stopped playing Dragon Age because Tim kept making obnoxious remarks.

Dinner came out fine, Eric curled up on the couch with me, talking to other boys online about me. I told him I was fine with having whoever he wanted over, or just keeping it us. I'm easy. He ended up having a bottom over. The bottom was a tall man with a *massively* thick dick. Also more than a little weird, and more than a little pushy when it came to getting loads. I pretended to cum in him while I was Lucky Pierre, then actually came while Eric was fucking me. My dick and ass were both chafed and sore as fuck from fucking all day, so it was more to suggest an end than it was out of a pressing need. Eric jerked off again, the bottom left, and we fell asleep. I thought about sending him home so Lady Miss Friday could have her bed back, but it got later and later, and I finally just turned out the lights.

I showered in the morning, to get the sweat off of me, and to get a good start to my day. Worked for the former, not the latter. I've been working really hard on getting to bed early so I don't need to drink so much coffee at work. However, the biggest downfall for my erections is exhaustion. If I'm tired, it's probably just not going to work, so I had a second cup at 2pm.

My friend Ryan messaged me in the early afternoon, wanting to hang out, or at least get ready for a leather event at my place. Ryan lives in north county, so it's fairly understandable that he'd need a place. He also has a lot of mental issues - anxiety, depression, etc. He has an adorable service dog named Sterling. Apparently he comes from money - Balenciaga, Coach, mum bought him a new car, etc. And he's used to getting his way.

The first hiccup was him being in my shower when I got home, because I needed that. Okay, the first hiccup was the first 5 Batmans who had to drop out for one reason or another. Anyway, I got cleaned up just fine, but then I started having stomach trouble. Like, delayed us an hour, continued late into the night and today kind of stomach trouble.

Ryan, on hearing that we were doing a porn shoot, offered to be crew, be on camera for free, do marketing, do anything. Sure. Lucky is friendly with other dogs, and Spencer is a service dog, so presumably well socialized. Both Ryan and my co-star were maybe a little too eager, often following us around and interrupting us to offer suggestions, or even just hear themselves talk (and talk and talk).

Ryan met Julian while we were together, did meth with him that one night, and apparently they're friends now. So I got a text from Julian on the way to the shoot, (the first since all his angry messages telling me he'd make my life hell and I should kill myself) which I declined to respond to, or delve into exactly how good of friends my self-proclaimed power bottom friend and horsehung ex are. I had more than enough to deal with.

Dan, owner of the only studio that consistently hires me, is supportive of my venture, and gave me a dose of TriMix for my costar. Lloyd is a sport for doing the shoot, but goddamn. TriMix and a half a Viagra and he could barely get hard. Then he was too close to cumming, then he almost couldn't cum at all.

It's tough to direct while you're performing, and tied up at that. I knew going into it that the set and costumes were cheap AF, so I was really counting on our performances to make it. Looking back, I'm now wondering if Lloyd has ever seen Adam West's Batman, because he started out deep, gruff, and angry, like animated series Batman, and ended up deep, gruff, and overly salacious, like Kim Cattral. (I kid!) Lloyd also apparently doesn't know anything about porn positioning and Dave wasn't forceful enough to position us for shots, because I was directing. But being in the scene, I can't see what's working for the camera, and being the tied up bottom, I'm not really in a position, so to speak, to maneuver us.

The rope used was too long, and he never really came to a conclusion about what to do with it - he was initially going to cut me out of it, but then had gone on fucking me so long that his "knots" started coming undone of their own accord, so sort of fumbled with them for a while. So we didn't get as long a shoot as Dave wanted - apparently only about 20 min, vs the 30 that a scene should be, there's none of me riding him, etc. In a nod to one of my fans, I had him rim me until I came, which might have garnered a few extra minutes.

Early on in the shoot, Sterling attacked Lucky because Sterling was playing with Lucky's toys and didn't want him getting close (TO HIS OWN TOYS), which was awful, and Ryan opted to take an Uber back to my place, but then said he left there just before I got home.

Dave is excited about the shoot, and going to have a rough edit available for me in less than a week. I'm not so confident. A while back, there was a Spiderman sex vid that involved two dudes(?) in zentai suits. I'm not even sure they actually fuck or cum, or if they just rub each other a bunch. I wasn't really around for it, and don't really go in for trainwrecks. It was comedy for all the wrong reasons, and I'm terrified of this being the new that.

On the plus side, I'm very pleased with my performance. My dick stayed relatively hard for the whole shoot, I came a lot, though not the distance I was hoping for, and despite having the most trouble I've ever had getting ready for a shoot, my stomach cooperated just long enough for us to finish and me to get home.