If you're here, you could be there.

I was exhausted again all day, but not quite as bad. I think it's a vitamin deficiency because I'm constantly forgetting to take my supplements.

I posted one of my pics to the group, and Derek asked if I was the top or the bottom. Even though he's commented on vids of me topping, so...but Warren chimed in that we should invite him, because 2 tops are better than one. I sat there stunned for a minute, red pouring over everything. I consulted JJD first, because I hate saying the wrong thing. But more often than not, I say nothing, and then I wake up with rage knots later. So I mentioned that the last time I'd invited him to share a guy, he fucked him while I waited to hear back. He didn't respond, of course. And even though we're still listed as Friends, I can't see any of his Friends Only posts, so maybe he added me to a Restricted list or something.

I messaged Casey in the early afternoon to confirm we'd be getting together. It's harder than you'd think to schedule two(+) tricks a day. Casey had initially said 5 over the weekend, but then changed it to 7-7:30 during then day, and finally messaged when I was almost home that he could come over at 5. He's cute in his photos, he's drop dead fucking gorgeous in person. It was really really fucking hot in my room, but he let me eat his ass, then fucked me in the main positions and came inside me. I really need to get new towels. It's literally embarrassing to offer someone a towel after and then scrounge for it or give them the shoddy blue ones I bought online.

Tim asked when he could come over, and I said any time was fine. He was still getting ready an hour later, so I headed over to Baras to try to find some shorts to use for my costume. I managed to find some - greenish brown instead of green, but they'll work. More exciting, I found two really soft blankets for Lady Miss Friday. My car has had a warning message for the past few days about tire pressure, and I was going to have Tim do it, but I'm a Big Boy and I can do these things on my own. They've actually way simplified the process - there's no caps to keep track of, no measuring tool - the machine automatically fills to 32dpi or whatever the measurement is.

I got home just a couple seconds before Tim. Pupple is in much better spirits, though that could just be the meds. Tim should be catching a break soon, and then he's going to be able to set up his laptop and learn to edit. Yay.

He was only over for about 2 hours, but Pupple wanted to go for a walk, and that's a good time to end things. Since my ass is doing much better these days, I was really tempted to get into my toy chest, but I'm going to err on the side of caution for once and give it a bit longer.

Upset stomach in the morning, tired and grumpy out of nowhere all day. Finally got around to listening to Kelly Clarkson's new singles and they're both amazing. "Love So Soft" is an uptempo soulful jam a la Introducing Joss Stone, while "Move You" is a gorgeous ballad. I pre-ordered the album, posted about it on FB, and as soon as the tour is announced I'm going I to get a Citibank card. Igot most of my work done except for claims, then remembered at the last minute that I'm actually ahead on claims. Stellar feeling, really.

Ryan posted that he was going to have a pool day, which I pretty much ignored until Warren texted asking if he was having a pool party. I messaged him, he would be there until 6ish, but since it's an apartment and not a house, it's not really a pool party. I heard from Warren again at 5:40, asking if I was home. I'd been meaning to go to the gym, but obviously wasn't at this point. He came over 5 min later, laid down on the bed. After a few minutes of laying together, he asked me to eat his ass. He'd apparently just showered, so was ready for it. Great! But he also just jerked off, so he wasn't going to cum. I did, and hit his stomach while he sat on my face.

Questions swirled around my head. Why was he already in the neighborhood? Why, if he'd showered so I could eat his ass, had he also just jerked off? I'd have loved to have fucked him, but of course, we're still waiting on test results.

He was going to dinner with his gaybor - no invite for me - but I did still want to go to the gym, so that was fine. Instead, he suggested we go shopping for dinner things for Saturday, and maybe for Taco Tuesday at Whole Foods. We walked around the store, he talked but didn't listen. He'd interrupt what I was saying to talk about something else without even apologizing or returning us to what I was saying. But he also held my hand, hugged me when we stopped to look at things, and kissed my cheek.

Tim was in the area for a business function that turned out to be in a completely different place, so wanted to swing by. I told him I wasn't home, and didn't answer when he asked when I'd be back. When Warren and I got home, he still hadn't heard from his gaybor, so we laid down again, him cuddling up next to me and answering texts. On his screen, at 4:29, just before the last text he'd sent me was a text to Brandon: "Here." Things clicked in. He'd fucked him. He'd intentionally excluded me because he wanted him for himself. He hadn't used a condom because...?

He needed to get out.

Naturally, Tim walked up at that exact moment with Pupple in tow. We talked to the extent I was able through my haze. I don't know why so many partners of mine want me to be the wife they come home to. I don't know why they think it's okay for me to work to get *us* laid and them to work to get *themselves* laid with those same people. I don't know why they keep thinking they're going to get away with it. And I don't know why I keep falling for them.

Slept horribly again, and woke up early, if not quite 3am. Warren messaged me in a panic around 5 because he had no shirts left at his place. I advised him where he could get a touristy shirt - the CVS and the Ralph's in La Jolla both sell them, and are both open that early. He sent me a text later, thanking me and saying he appreciates "more than I know." He also posted the pic he took, asking who wanted to suck his dick next.

Peter is having a rough time and asked to come by, but I don't feel comfortable having him over while Bryan is still in the living room. Randall - a client of mine from NY - messaged that he was visiting and would like to see me on Friday.

I finally sent Bryan a message that LL had gently reminded me I'm the only one supposed to be living in my apartment, but we could probably get away with it at least until Saturday.

I'd totally forgotten about the anonymous survey that SDGMC sends out after every show. I'd declined to participate in previous surveys, because I was new and didn't want to raise a fuss. I had a lot to say in this one, though.

Chance finally got around to applying with Raw & Rough, so I sent a word to Rob. He wants to cast him - and me - in the next couple weeks with another massively hung black gentleman.

One of the guys from the Play group messaged me wanting to play. I'd have invited Warren, but Warren only likes twinks, and something about the phrasing of his post in the morning rubbed me the wrong way.

We went to Taco Tuesday with his gaybors, which was...odd. He hung on one of them while I chatted with his partner. Paid for his dinner, though, so I guess that's okay.