Gold Stars and White Lights

[thepnutgallery]

I think some part of me thought if I beat myself up hard enough when I'm wrong, I would learn to stop being wrong. But instead that made me afraid to even try. If, instead, I put my full effort into everything and give myself a gold star for effort, I do, eventually get better. I'm a little slow, but I get there eventually. I'm an extraordinary machine. Gold star.

I missed the meeting at work, but we had no agenda items to go over, and I'm ultra on top of my work right now anyway. I slept all evening, and Julian texted me at 8. Today would have been our 1-year marriage anniversary, but he sent one "happy anniversary" text, but then an ellipses. I called him, but he didn't answer. I left a chipper message, then sent a chipper text. I'm taking optimism, silver linings, and gratitude, etc. to my usual extremes. Always look on the bright side of your life. I'm gonna find the good in everything. Even me. I'm deciding in advance how much effort I can devote to any given thing at any given time, will do my best and give whatever I decide to give fully, then give myself an "A" for effort and go from there.