Lucy, You Got Some 'Splainin To Do....

[thepnutgallery]

So, um, I broke up with Anthony on Thursday, but you knew that.
I guess I kind of owe everyone an explanation, and this is easier and faster than becoming famous and having them make a Lifetime Movie of the Week about the whole thing. What it boils down to is that I'm really really really really not ready to be married yet, or, more importantly, monogamous, and I don't want to wake up when I'm 80 and resent him because I never got to date.
This seems like such a small, shallow thing (dating people), but in my life right now, it's huge.

These past four days have really been the longest of my life. It feels like Thursday and Friday were two years, instead of a day and a half. A lot of people seem to be upset with me right now, and the only one I understand is Anthony. Aimee says that, usually, when people break up, you can say that both parties contributed to the break up, and that this is all on me. That's absolutely true, but I don't understand why there has to be a villan in this situation at all. We broke up, but we're still friends. Hell, as of Saturday, we're dating. This may not be the wisest course of action that either of us have ever taken, but we're young, and that's what young folk do. That, and have really great sex at the words "This morning, I got sucked off by a complete stanger." Why that should turn me on so is at the bottom of a very long list of things to figure out about myself.

Comments

[scixual.livejournal.com]

I respect and empathize, and offer any support I can from a distance. *hug*

I know it wasn't an easy choice to make; and if you managed to keep him as a friend, then you have done wonderfully, no matter what anyone says.

Have fun safely, k?

[crazeddrscott.livejournal.com]

I just want to let you know, from my point of view, and I think there are quite a few out there that agree w/ me, I see no villain in this situation. You two are both my friends, hell, I've known you both for like 5 or 6 years, and it is always tough when two friends break up, granted, not as tough as it is for the two of you, but tough. I, for one, will not "pick sides". This is a personal matter between the two of you, and what you decide to do with your lives is your own business. Only you can make the decision concerning your personal life, so you know what is best for you.

I think the natural reaction is to go to comfort the one who was "dumped", which may from other points of view look like choosing sides, but it isn't. And I know that being the one that initiates the break-up isn't usually feeling the greatest either.

So you know, I am here for you, both of you, since you are both my friends.

[lizetta.livejournal.com]

I don't hate you either, but you knew that. I can actually relate to you best in this situation. I'm not hurt or angry, but sad, that's what happens in these situations. Mostly I just want you both to find happy.

This can be a great time to figure things out about yourself, what is really you and what things are just ways you've figured out to cope with life.

I'm here, if you ever want that.

[crazed-lynn.livejournal.com]

I'm not fond of the term "break up". You changed the definition of your relationship with Anthony. Everyone does that all the time. This seems like a big change in the definition you two had created, but maybe not.

Sexual exclusivity as a rule for a relationship has always struck me as odd.

I've had a lot of conversations about this particular rule and I find nothing supporting it by some vague or not so vague notion that someone is going to be left for the betters sex one gets some place else. It's the default rule for relationships in the our country and it is entirely based on fear.

Go out and have fun. Don't let the change the rule dictate your feelings for Anthony.

Upset is always a response to something personal. So people other than Anthony who are upset see something about themselves in this situation. And it is something they don't like.

[cikevin.livejournal.com]

In my experience, when a relationship that looks good from the outside breaks up, the one who initiated the breakup is generally seen as the villain. We want there to be a villain because it makes an easier story in our heads. "Friend X is upset because Y broke up with him/her. I'll assume that anyone who upsets one of my friends must be evil, even if it's another of my friends. Therefore, Y is evil." The actual complexity of the story is lost because we don't know all those details that would show both people as flawed but well-intended.

I'm not angry with you. I was just taken completely by surprise. I'm sure you both will go on to have happiness in other romantic arrangements, whatever they may be.

Really, my main worry in this situation is about one of you leaving Rocky. You're both very valuable members of our cast and it would be a blow to us to lose either of you.

[skatert.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[ladyadry.livejournal.com]

All the above people have made all the points I wanted to make so I will just sum up. I love you both. I think you are both awesome both as a couple and as individual people. I personally don't think of you as a villain nor am I upset with you.

The fact that the two of you can still date and be friendly and sexual with one another speaks to how much you love each other. Relationships are always evolving and the relationship you had with someone 10 years ago isn't necessarily going to be the same relationship you have with them in another 10 years. When relationships become a hinderance or damaging that is when they need to end.

I'm glad this relationship isn't over. It has simply changed and while sudden, it is something we all who love and care about you will get used to in time. Just as you guys will.

[redefining-self.livejournal.com]

I think I'm with CrazedLynn. I don't like the term breakup either. While the split (not a great term either really) may have occured at your prompting it doesn't make you bad. The pain and discomfort perceived in the situation has to have a target and you did precipitate this event.

That being said if you feel the things you do then it was the right decision to make and the right time to make it. There is no villain in this. In my world the two of you are still the people you were last week, last month, last year. The only difference I see is that the nature of the relationship you two have has changed. I am still your friend and, to my knowledge, no one has tried to get me to be anything else. :)

[stop-no-dont.livejournal.com]

At least it sounds amicable, from reading both your and Anthony's accounts. But I'm with the rest of the gang -- neither of you struck me as the heavy here, for what it's worth.

[rhps-mom.livejournal.com]

I think you are finding out that more people understand than you thought?? I think of it like this: you are young and you were very young when you and Anthony got together, you want to make sure that you are doing the right thing in being in a completely committed relationship. I am one of the lucky ones; I have been married since I was 19 and I really think that we will be together for the rest of our lives; not many people who start as young as we were make it for this long. I am sure that the reason is that there is a lot of resentment (which you are trying to avoid) from one partner to the other at "taking the best years of my life". I haven't heard once that you don't love each other, that you are sorry you spent the time you did or that you haven't considered the possibility that you may end up right back where you started; you want to be sure. And Anthony understands.

[reggieswing.livejournal.com]

In the hood, they would say, "Kcuf what ya heard. Do you, son. Naw-meen." Translation: Take care of you right now, how others around you feel about the situation is quite inconsequential. However, as you can see, it seems we're here for you and don't love you any less.

[faerierie.livejournal.com]

I beat everybody to saying all of this. I totally rule. :D