(no subject)

[thepnutgallery]

Anthony and I had a looooooooooooooooonnnnnngggg talk tuesday night following my relatively simple question "What're you doing tonight?", but without the usual answer of a finger pointed in my direction. We talked about a lot of things that we always cover, but one significant thing that we uncovered is that I felt very underappreciated in our relationship. I gave a lot, and continue to give, and have never asked for anything. I gave enough of myself that my motives should never be questioned. This came about because of my continual indignation when people suggest that I am using or manipulating the Boy, or that my motives are anything less than pure in dealing with him. Other people don't know the specifics of our situation, but he does, and people keep suggesting these things, so how vehemently can he be denying them?

Comments

[lizetta.livejournal.com]

Motives, intent, and results are often not the same things.

[thepnutgallery]

Fair enough, and people are free to criticize me for those results (A freedom I'm aware that folks take full advantage of). I just don't want my motives/intent questioned.

[redefining-self.livejournal.com]

There is trouble when matters of intrepretation come up in relationships, current or past.

I could go on at length about my own experiences with differences of intrepretation regarding relationships. However, you hit the one thing that is most important - the relationship was between you and The Boy and no one else. No one else has quite the view into that the two of you have.

And thus no one should be commenting too strongly about what they believe they know about it. Opinions are one thing and are not likely to be changed just because he stands up for you. If someone has made up their mind about a subjective evaluation the no amount of fact or proof will change that evaluation.

For my part I will not pass any form of judgement on the situation. You are both wonderful people and I don't see the need to alienate one or the other of you simply for my own opinion.

I wish more people would do that.

[marlinkhylacat]

You already know there's a lot more communicating to be done, if you both want to do it, but it's good that there's already been some going on. =)

[lizetta.livejournal.com]

I don't know how anyone could seriously questions motives, they are one of the most complicated facets of human behavior. I don't pretend to fully understand my own, much less make conclusions about someone elses. I do it, of course, as I am human, but I aknowledge that it is flawed.

I'm sure that some/many of the people who are offering these criticisms and suggestions are doing so from a place of disliking you. But I'm equally sure that many/some of those comments are coming from a place of love, love for both of you. That doesn't make it right, but please try to understand that if someone oversteps a boundary, the intention might be good, just the result is not.

[crazed-lynn.livejournal.com]

People see what they see; not what is really happening.
People heare what they hear; not what is said.
People say what they say; not what they mean.
People mean what they have created as a meaning.

And, most importantly, people believe what they believe regardless of what is said, heard or meant.

We are so comfortable with our version of the world around us that we just don't think to question our own assumptions. We don't even think we are assuming anything.

The only way past all that is to speak and listen plainly. Nothing more than that and nothing harder. :)

love.

[rhps-mom.livejournal.com]

I have heard him deny accusations of wrongdoing on your part. I have heard him defend you. Any "bad" things I have heard have just been hurt not animosity or belief that you have bad intentions. He loves you, that hasn't changed and I believe that you love him. The relationship that the two of you had and the one that you have now will ALWAYS be the subject of speculation. Lots of people would love to have a relationship like the two of you shared and still share. Very few can remain close to a boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/lover/partner that they have let go of, you have managed it and people will always wonder!
The pain pill I took kicked in in the middle of typing this so I hope it makes sense.

[faerierie.livejournal.com]

In my experience, people need to learn to mind their own goddamn business. And since they never do, a second option is for you to not let it get to you.

I recognize that I'd do well to take my own advice in both instances. Ice cream?

[sovereignnature.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure if it means much coming from me. I know we don't know each other all that well but in the times I have talked to him all I ever heard was how wonderful you are from him. He's always seemed to admire you and be proud just to know you. People will say what they wish about any situation and it only ends up hurting those involved emotionally. My advice to anyone in this situation would be to look at who these accusations are coming from and then point a big "go fuck yourself" finger at them for me. They deserve it. My guess is that Anthony is doing his share of defending but also trying to ignore the negativity for emotional reasons. That boy worships you! Don't let other people’s stupidity make you lose sight of that.
Others can say whatever they wish.
It is my experience that ninety percent of gossip is bullshit and only ten percent of people actually believe what they repeat.
You are an amazing person and those that love you won't let any vicious rumor or evil suggestions change how they feel about you.