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[thepnutgallery]

Thursday - Woke up at the foot of the bed around 5, having pissed myself. Got cleaned up from that, drank some water, went back to bed. Didn't wake up again until 8, though it felt much later. Sent Ken an e-mail, wishing him a wonderful day, and just got back that he was disappointed in me. Apparently, I'd pissed on the computer desk, and when I wet my pants earlier in the morning, it had soaked through the blankets and into the sheets. I find this suspect, as my pants definitely smelled of urine, but there was no smell, no dampness to the desk or the sheets. The papers on top of the desk were definitely wet, but again, so smell, no discoloration. I think I probably spilled water on them. Not a good thing, but not as bad as pissing on them. I thought I was fine, and drank some water and ate some bread (i apparently ended up taking a baguette home with me the night before). Then I started getting sick. Really really really sick. Hungover like I've only ever been twice before in my life. Once was the week before I was supposed to meet Ken, and once the first time I went to Montage. This didn't stop my raging hormones in the least, as in between dry heaves, I beat off twice. There was some blood in my cum the second time, which is probably just over use. Ken mentioned that he was going for drinks with Nikki after work, and from there to poker. I figured he just didn't want to see me, so I was kind of surprised when he came home at his usual time. It was just to get changed, but he did wish me a good time at D&D, and told me to say hi to the boys for him.
I got to D&D before everyone else, of course, and got some good support from Daniel and Jason regarding the week. We almost didn't play, as Michael tapped out, Daniel was raiding on WoW for the first couple hours, and there was some doubt as to whether Roberts tele-link was going to work. We eventually got everything settled, and had a good game. I'm getting more comfortable with my character, and it seems everyone else is, too. Wyatt cracked my ass up the whole night. We almost ended at 10, but I mentioned that Ken was out and I didn't really want to go home, so we played through the first encounter of the next session. We're not sure when that session is going to be, since Robert doesn't know his work schedule yet, and I don't know my school schedule, but we're going to try.
Got home just a little after 11:30 or so, to find Ken still up, sitting in his underwear, just about to go to bed. I brushed my teeth and climbed in. We didn't touch, but since I'd been chewed out for not reaching out to him on Wednesday (I sent him a Myspace comment, but he hasn't logged into Myspace, and deleted the e-mail notification), I caved and touched his arm. A few minutes later, he murmured "I'm not happy."
I did a lot of listening, and not a lot of responding. He started by talking about how family is important to him, how he feels like he's missing out on an important part of life by not being there to watch his nieces and nephews grow up, but that family isn't important to me. He asked me about what's important to me, and I told him that being with him was important to me, being successful was important, and doing good in the world was important. Moving back to being unhappy, he cited my coming home drunk, as if it was a common occurrence, and not the first time this year I've been anywhere near that level of intoxicated. He also cited Tuesday, and that I knew it would hurt him. He doesn't care about the sex, mind you, but that if it had been him, I would have given him hell. He's apparently been unhappy for quite some time, and says we're locked into some kind of cyclical destructive pattern, that we don't bring out the best in each other anymore. I felt like an idiot for thinking things were mostly hunky-dory, aside from his most recent Shaun transgression, and the issues I'm working out in therapy right now. I was terrified, not for the first time this week, that he was going to break up with me. He reassured me a couple times that he wasn't, and that no matter what, he would always love me. he did admit, despite that reassurance, that he's on the fence right now, which makes that reassurance small comfort. On the plus side, as broken as I'd be if he does break up with me, it won't be the end of my world like it once would have been. We didn't really come to any conclusions, he just trailed off and fell asleep. I laid awake for awhile longer, but eventually fell asleep myself.