Weekend Without Ken

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Thursday - Since I slept so poorly on Wednesday night, I wasn't at my top performance at work. Took a break at 12:30 to lay in my car for a little while. Felt like I was going to collapse on the way. Got home from work to find that my care package STILL had not arrived. Drove over to the post office, where there was again a large line. Fortunately, the old postmaster from Sorrento Valley now works down there, saw me standing in line with my little brown Pick-Up paper, and loudly asked the line if anyone was just there to pick up. Why, I'm here to just pick up! :-D The package itself is just adorable. The top says "Squeak's box o' love", the sides say "eat your greens" and it's decorated all over with animal rights stickers. Got home to discover that Ken had taken the camera with him. Decided right then and there to not open it until he got back. I've waited this long, waiting a little longer won't kill me. I felt bad that I didn't go to the Che, but I have no interest in Indian food, I never got a confirmation from the PPK girls that they were definitely going to show, and if I'd gone to that, I'd have not gotten my package. No one was online when I got back, so I decided to head down to the gym. It was about 6-6:30 when I got there, and the busiest I've ever seen it. and I had plans with Paul to hang out...just as he popped on, so did everyone else. Grrrr.....Went over to his place, where we chatted for a bit and then he wanted to go back to my place. We didn't have any mixers, so Ken's Jack was safe - I gave him a beer instead. Anthony was watching SYTYCD, and we joined him. There are some phenomenal people in the top 20 this year. Christi will probably be the first to go. Dropped Paul off back at his place, came home, ate a bunch, talked to Ken, went to bed.

Friday - I ran out of oatmeal the night before (because I ate it all), and didn't feel like having TVP, so I just didn't eat breakfast. I read an article at work about regular fasting - the gent in the article goes on a 36 hr fast every week. Decided to go ahead and try it, since I was several hours in already. Work was looking like getting out early, and I did a large volume of it, so I just went ahead and left at 2:30. Stopped home for a second then off to my dr's appt. It was Dr. Chau's last day, and the place was getting absorbed by some other company. They took blood, I talked to the counselor, and headed home. Stopped at Whole Foods on the way and picked up more oatmeal. Popped onto A4A, got hit up by a couple guys. One couldn't host, one flaked, and 2 were only interested in barebacking. One of the 2 that only wanted to bb was negative. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with San Diego men. Ken called around 6, suggesting I might make a road trip up to vegas with Dallas or Brandon or somesuch. I called folks, but no one got back to me. I can't really justify spending the money on gas anyway. Matt came over, and we headed over to Bourbon together. We had a good bonding experience there - he told me Allen is +, which was very shocking. Allen actually joined us, as did Jason, and we had a good time. We were going to go back to Allen's place, but somewhere in there it became just me and Jason at my place. I kicked him out around 3 and passed out.

Saturday - Dax, a trick from last year, had been bugging me to "hang out" again, but I've already had him, so he had to settle for hanging out. Unfortunately, I finally acquiesced to him at exactly the same time a bunch of people started messaging me on A4A. Oh, well. Got back from hanging out with him, talked to a couple boys (though no one I was really interested in), slept for a little while. Brandon called - he'd have been interested in going to Vegas, but didn't answer the call because he didn't know the number, and didn't check his messages until today. Yeah, nothing I can really do to help you there, buddy. He also told me that he and Chris had broken up. Whoa. They were working on it, but for now, they're broken up. Talked to Anthony, which was nice. He's trying to figure something about Derrick out. I didn't really get what he was trying to get at. One of the boys from the morning was supposed to call at 5, but by the time it got to be 5, I didn't want to anymore. Ken did call a little after - already tipsy from and enormous Jack & Diet he was drinking. He said he missed me, which was nice to hear, and that he was going to go out with Toby, since it was Toby's birthday. I thought he was a little tipsy a little early for an all night party scence, but whatev. Also while we were talking, I went ahead and broke my fast - 44 hrs. Not bad. I did eat a bit much, though no more than I would on any day/night that I have nothing better to do. I started playing Shining Force, and was about 50/50 on going out to Montage or staying in and playing video games. Justin called, and invited me over for a cocktail with Lizzy, though, so I went over there. We had a couple drinks there, then went out to Taste of Italy....there was one vegan thing on the menu, so I agreed that I would have some of it if they ordered it instead of the meaty option they had been going to get. I was pretty full from all the oatmedough I ate earlier, so I only intended to have a bite or two. It came with soup, which they insisted I eat, and then they didn't really eat any of the stuff. I was so so so so happy that they were being considerate of the vegan in their midst, but at the same time, I was also really really really full. I should have just eaten the whole thing and then thrown up. Instead I ate the vegetables out of it and threw up. Damn. Flick's was having a fundraiser for the Gay Rodeo Association, so we popped over there for a couple of drinks. I won a key in a raffle, but it wasn't the key to unlock the safe holding a $50 bar tab, so I just got a ticket for a free drink instead. Lizzy was dee-runk by that time, so we headed out, only to run into Marcus on the way. Invited him back with us, but we were out of vodka at home, so Justin had me run and grab Ken's Stoli, and I got a message from Jason. Invited him over, too, and we drank too much, ate too much, that sort of thing. I was less than discrete - may have said something to Marcus about the possibility of breaking up with Ken. Ah, well. He said something to me about him possibly moving to Denver for a boy - I say go for it. Suddenly, it was 2am, so I tapped out. I think Jason wanted to come over and talk more, but I wasn't about to have that, so I asked him if he wouldn't mind driving Marcus back to his car.

Sunday - Woke up at 6, but laid in bed until 8. Played some video games for about an hour, but decided that wasn't going to hold my interest for long. Got cleaned up, cleaned up the house a bit. I had been going to get some flowers for Ken, but I decided against it. I've pretty much come to the decision that I do too much for him. It has nothing to do with the money/objects given - that I give them signifies a certain level of affection, and that then becomes taken for granted, if not downright stifling. His flight was actually 20 min. early, and there was traffic on the 163 south, so I figured they would be waiting at the end of the terminal. Traffic at the airport was similarly bad - another reason for them to be waiting at the end. I waited in line at the end for a little while, and then it occurred to me that I didn't actually know which terminal he was getting in at. I started to drive over to the other terminal, but saw them half-way there. We droppped his co-workers off, and then headed back home where Brandon was waiting at Justin's. I finally got to open my package! It was lovely, if wasted on me. 2 bags of Doritos (which are the same flavor as the vegan ones here), lara bars (which I can also get here), chai tea (which...oh, never mind), pilaf, and maple syrup. There was also an adorable homemade card that said "100% vegan", and a note inside apologizing for not having homemade goodies - she'd just had surgery. The maple syrup is the only thing I couldn't get from Ralph's, and that's kind of wasted on me, so I'm going to give it to Aimee or Anna.
We headed over to Mo's for lunch and drinks - the boys split a burger, which made me very happy, since neither of them ever eat a full portion. Hung around there for a while, then went back home to figure out the rest of the day. Ken made drinks for them, and we played a variation of poker. I posted the pics of the care package, and pushed the boys for a decision. It was either The Hole or Mo's, and I could drive them to The Hole, but they'd be stuck there until rehearsal was done. Drove them over there, told Ken to listen for his phone around 6. He seemed a little confused, so I just explained that I would be back to get them either way, but wanted to know in advance if I was just picking them up or parking.Ran into MASSIVE traffic on the way to rehearsal. Rather than tap out (figuring it would take me an hour to get there anyway), I took the back way, via El Cajon Blvd. I was still late, but at least I was there. Rehearsal went well, and I called Ken. I used to call twice, but at this point, he knows it's me, so if he doesn't answer the first time, it's because he can't hear the phone. I left a message, telling him to call back, but he hadn't called by the time I left. There was NO parking, so I did the best I could and jogged up the hill. Saw Shaun Vasich on his way out - the place was packed, and with some very attractive people, too. Made a lap, then ran into Big Rob, who let me use his phone. Called Ken, who was in a cab on his way to Mo's. I don't know what comes over him..or rather, I know exactly what comes over him. "I know this was the plan, but this is best for me right now, so I'm going to not think about it". Collen grabbed me on my way out, and invited me to stay for a drink, but I hadn't eaten yet, and didn't want to drive over to Mo's already tipsy and angry. Almost tapped out of Mo's and went home in an angry stupor instead, but I found rockin' parking, and resolved to not be drama-man. Found Ken inside talking with Brandon, Brian and Chris. He immediately declared it a mix up in communication, no one's fault, and I said I disagreed, but it was okay, and let's drop it. Shaun Vasich was there (he should NOT have been driving), as was his ex. His ex's current bf and I chatted. I also saw Sean (yes, that Sean), walking around with a tall black man. He walked right by me without saying hi, but did find Ken. Apparently the tall black man is his new bf. Good for him! Brandon, Brian and Chris went to some comedy thing, and Ken and I tapped out. There was some talk of having Shaun over for happy fun naked time. Ken also mentioned how insulted he was by Sean's new bf, because Ken is so much hotter. That put the kaibosh on my good mood right there. We were going to pick up something to feed him on the way, but got home before it happened, so headed out again. He kept saying how he had no cash...I think he was hoping I'd buy him dinner again. It's only $5, but that's more than I've spent on me this week, so no. Both on the original car ride, and getting food, we talked a little about Brandon and Chris, but mostly about earlier that day. I kept trying to get him to drop the subject, and we cuddled on the couch at home. He said he needed me to hold him, and tell him it was okay, and tell him it wasn't his fault......2 out of 3 ain't bad, right? I kept trying to leave things at us disagreeing on it, but he wouldn't have it, and started yelling at me for my need to be in the right all the time. We ended up with sort of a fight, though I did a SUPERHUMAN job of not taking bait. I really did everything possible EXCEPT tell him it was not his fault. After taking some quiet time, he came in and started telling me that the argument itself was all my fault, because I NEED to be right, and how we were arguing about Brandon and Chris, which doens't have anything to do with us......wait, what? I gently corrected him on what we were arguing about, but mostly stayed quiet. It costs me a lot to just sit there and be lectured. He went out into the living room, and I started to get a headache. I ate some of the chips B_A_D had sent, and a breakfast bar, and then sat on the other couch while he watched X-Men. He went to bed without saying anything. I was going to make nachos, or oatmedough, but I just felt sick. I maybe shouldn't have, but I went to bed in our bed, instead of the couch. He was ignoring text messages from Chris, who was looking for Brandon. He finally reached for me, but started trying to fight again. I didn't respond.

Welcome back, love.