At Least It Ended On a Positive Note
Apr. 28th, 2008 07:12 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thepnutgalleryFriday - There was buzz that we might go home early, but that bubble was popped when we got a late drop of regular mail. I still busted my ass, but all of my co-workers seem to have a "why bother" mentality. Was going to go to TJ's and Ralphs for some groceries, but ended up just getting some Chick'n Strips and Veggeroni from Ralphs instead. Stopped in at TJ's, chatted with Anthony, and also saw Alicia. Ended up saying a lot more than I meant to, but these things happen.
Ken was going condo hunting with Nelson, and then went to Mo's directly after, so I really didn't see him. I took a nap, got cleaned up, drank some coffee - ready for party! Jason came over and had a couple drinks, and Ken finally came home around 10:20 (he'd said they were having one more drink at 8). I asked if I could borrow his phone for the night, since he was staying in, and he reluctantly agreed. I'm an idiot, and didn't take it right then, so he deleted his messages and sent texts to Shawn (his ex) and Sean (yes, that Sean) telling them he was staying in. Uggh. Rich's had DJ Tye, who Ken normally loves, and I'm just alright with, but I've lately been really into. Tonight he wasn't even alright - very generic, in both his songs and his mixes. We danced for a couple songs, but mostly Jason drank and I kept him company. I got stuck, at one point, talking to some gent outside about his younger, drug-addicted ex. Lost track of Jason, but it was 12:40 and the music didn't look like it was getting any better, so I called him, found out he'd left, and walked over to my car. Just as I got there, I saw Collen (former trick, and good internet friend) with a couple of skinny boys. We chatted for a moment, since Jason was supposed to be very close. The topics got a bit serious, but nothing like what I talked with Anthony about earlier. I finally got tired of waiting, and called Jason, who was in the opposite direction of home. Took him back and chatted until after 3am while he sobered up. I don't think I've ever regretted staying sober a night in my life. Finally crawled into bed with Ken. Blah.
Saturday - Ken had to go into work, and more condos to look at, so I spent most of the day just trying not to evaporate. He did stop home between work and condo shopping, though, to eat his sammich and make a costume change. He was sitting on the couch, eating his sammich, when out of nowhere - "Do you think we're growing together or apart?" A looooooooong conversation followed...like, longer than Long Cat kind of long. I'm not really sure what it boils down to - it either boils down to a) he needs to not listen to his friends when they talk about me, or b) he's looking for a reason to break up with me. This one started with that question, and moved to my scaring people with my anger (Justin) to the concern that my lack of personal boundaries with good friends would translate to me getting drunk at a business function and ruining his career. He took serious offense when I didn't take these concerns seriously enough, and that actually became another point. He left, and I didn't really know what to do, so I called Anthony. He was in the car with Aimee, so I was able to get her feedback as well. After that, I played Crack: Lord of Addiction (I found my Editor!), and beat off a bunch, but didn't cum. Ken got home around 6-ish, and we went over to Justins and chilled. Ken ate the other half of his sammich, and I picked up some salsa for him so he could have his chips and salsa. We stayed there for a while, I practised chilling on the couch instead of getting antsy or drunk, and then I went home. The boys were laying down, and gave me instructions to wake them by 10 if they weren't already up. Got home to find my Club Essentials cd had arrived, and the track that I bought it for (In Your Head, by Live Element) was just as good as it is on Pandora. That woke me up right quick. Anway, I putzed about for a bit, then went back over to get Ken, who was sitting and chatting with Elizabeth and Justin (he'd woken up all of 20 minutes after I left). We went back home, he got dressed, and we finally head over to Rich's, since I was on the guest list. The music, while not generic, was was also not good, but we danced anyway. Matt (of Matt & Allen) joined us after a bit, and it was really at his insistence that we got onto the dance floor. Chris and Brandon joined us later in the evening, and there was a gentleman by the name of Rick who seemed awful familiar, but we couldn't place each other. Rick from A4A was also there, and he and Matt were all up on each other. They disappeared together for a bit - I don't think they did anything, since Rick is +, but it bears questioning. The worst part of the night was when some asshat drunk kicked me in the knee on his way up to the go-go box. Grrr. We eventually tapped out around 1:30, still wanting to party, but Ken was coming down, so we headed home instead. A couple boys were interested in us on A4A, but drunken Ken tried to make the case that I wasn't keeping him in the loop enough about what I was typing (heaven forbid that he should get up from the bed and read it), and tried to make a "You wouldn't stand that from me!" statement. I told him a couple times that we should come back to that topic tomorrow, but he kept putting the bait out, and even if I resist initially, I will eventually take the bait. Things blossomed from there, talking about the night before and much much more. He brought it back to "us" always fighting, and wondering why. I hate when he asks that, because I can feel "maybe it's time to call this quits" unspoken. I suggested couples therapy again, and he's resisting that like the plague. Wants to know what, specifically, we'd be trying to solve and how they'd solve it. His resistance is also very telling about where he's at right now. I am willing to do just about anything to salvage our relationship - he's willing to shoot down ideas and ask questions that could have potentially relationship ending answers. We ended on a good, loving note, though I don't remember the specifics, and I'm glad for that. I've made a promise to myself (and I'm going to keep this one....really I am..) that if he doesn't touch me when I get in bed, I'm sleeping on the couch.
Sunday - Ken decided to make an offer on one of the condos that he saw, and was supposed to meet Nelson for that and breakfast. We ended up having make-up sex in the morning, which was rawkin, even though it made him late. He'd mentioned the night before that there was no reason for me to go to the offer signing, but changed his mind in the morning. We were a little late for it, but Nelson had done most of it himself by the time we got there. My sinuses started acting up, and I drank a couple of diet sodas to help with...I don't know, something. We dropped off the papers at the office, then picked up Jay and headed over to Farmhouse Cafe for Brunch. They got Mimosas, but there was nothing for me to eat on the menu, and I didn't complain. Got to meet the lovely Rebecca, and her cute friend Nick. Justin also joined us, just before his detox, and put up with the drunks marvelously. Brunch ended up going longer than anticipated, but we finally tallied up and headed out, only to mett up again at the Lafayette pool. It's open to the public during the day, and people sure do make use of it! Nelson started a tab, and insisted that everyone put their drinks on it. I skipped the first few rounds, but finally had 2 vanilla vodkas and diets by the end. Both Nelson and Rebecca needed cigarettes at one point, and Nelson was going to try to throw his money at some front desk person, but I volunteered to make the run instead. The pool also went longer than anticipated (what are Sundays for?), though I didn't mind, and then we were supposed to have a BBQ at Nelsons. Ken volunteered to get veggies and munch'ems, and Rebecca volunteered to get the meat. We went home and tipsy, cranky Ken got naked and laid down for a nap, and I didn't take any of the tipsy, cranky bait. He slept, and I laid down for a bit, until he finally woke up. Hit up Ralphs before heading over, only to find out that Nelson was out of propane. Rebecca, who is apparently a fabulous chef, volunteered to just cook the stuff, and the day was saved. I helped with the veggies, and drank a bunch of water, and didn't eat too much. Yay!
When we finally went home from the BBQ, Ken was tipsy and randy, and suggested we get a third. The first few guys that hit me up were only looking for one on one. Then Ken decided that he'd really just like to watch, but we still couldn't host. We finally ended up fucking just the two of us (which is what I wanted all along, though I'm never going to say no to a new notch), and it was FANTASTIC. Ken likes the standing up positions, so we did that, and then I rode him, and then we went missionary. I held out for a good long time, but eventually came...he wasn't going to, but did at my insistence. First time I've seen him tear up after in a looooooooooooooooooooong time. It was ridiculously late at that point, so we went to bed, though it was still too warm for actual cuddling.
Ken was going condo hunting with Nelson, and then went to Mo's directly after, so I really didn't see him. I took a nap, got cleaned up, drank some coffee - ready for party! Jason came over and had a couple drinks, and Ken finally came home around 10:20 (he'd said they were having one more drink at 8). I asked if I could borrow his phone for the night, since he was staying in, and he reluctantly agreed. I'm an idiot, and didn't take it right then, so he deleted his messages and sent texts to Shawn (his ex) and Sean (yes, that Sean) telling them he was staying in. Uggh. Rich's had DJ Tye, who Ken normally loves, and I'm just alright with, but I've lately been really into. Tonight he wasn't even alright - very generic, in both his songs and his mixes. We danced for a couple songs, but mostly Jason drank and I kept him company. I got stuck, at one point, talking to some gent outside about his younger, drug-addicted ex. Lost track of Jason, but it was 12:40 and the music didn't look like it was getting any better, so I called him, found out he'd left, and walked over to my car. Just as I got there, I saw Collen (former trick, and good internet friend) with a couple of skinny boys. We chatted for a moment, since Jason was supposed to be very close. The topics got a bit serious, but nothing like what I talked with Anthony about earlier. I finally got tired of waiting, and called Jason, who was in the opposite direction of home. Took him back and chatted until after 3am while he sobered up. I don't think I've ever regretted staying sober a night in my life. Finally crawled into bed with Ken. Blah.
Saturday - Ken had to go into work, and more condos to look at, so I spent most of the day just trying not to evaporate. He did stop home between work and condo shopping, though, to eat his sammich and make a costume change. He was sitting on the couch, eating his sammich, when out of nowhere - "Do you think we're growing together or apart?" A looooooooong conversation followed...like, longer than Long Cat kind of long. I'm not really sure what it boils down to - it either boils down to a) he needs to not listen to his friends when they talk about me, or b) he's looking for a reason to break up with me. This one started with that question, and moved to my scaring people with my anger (Justin) to the concern that my lack of personal boundaries with good friends would translate to me getting drunk at a business function and ruining his career. He took serious offense when I didn't take these concerns seriously enough, and that actually became another point. He left, and I didn't really know what to do, so I called Anthony. He was in the car with Aimee, so I was able to get her feedback as well. After that, I played Crack: Lord of Addiction (I found my Editor!), and beat off a bunch, but didn't cum. Ken got home around 6-ish, and we went over to Justins and chilled. Ken ate the other half of his sammich, and I picked up some salsa for him so he could have his chips and salsa. We stayed there for a while, I practised chilling on the couch instead of getting antsy or drunk, and then I went home. The boys were laying down, and gave me instructions to wake them by 10 if they weren't already up. Got home to find my Club Essentials cd had arrived, and the track that I bought it for (In Your Head, by Live Element) was just as good as it is on Pandora. That woke me up right quick. Anway, I putzed about for a bit, then went back over to get Ken, who was sitting and chatting with Elizabeth and Justin (he'd woken up all of 20 minutes after I left). We went back home, he got dressed, and we finally head over to Rich's, since I was on the guest list. The music, while not generic, was was also not good, but we danced anyway. Matt (of Matt & Allen) joined us after a bit, and it was really at his insistence that we got onto the dance floor. Chris and Brandon joined us later in the evening, and there was a gentleman by the name of Rick who seemed awful familiar, but we couldn't place each other. Rick from A4A was also there, and he and Matt were all up on each other. They disappeared together for a bit - I don't think they did anything, since Rick is +, but it bears questioning. The worst part of the night was when some asshat drunk kicked me in the knee on his way up to the go-go box. Grrr. We eventually tapped out around 1:30, still wanting to party, but Ken was coming down, so we headed home instead. A couple boys were interested in us on A4A, but drunken Ken tried to make the case that I wasn't keeping him in the loop enough about what I was typing (heaven forbid that he should get up from the bed and read it), and tried to make a "You wouldn't stand that from me!" statement. I told him a couple times that we should come back to that topic tomorrow, but he kept putting the bait out, and even if I resist initially, I will eventually take the bait. Things blossomed from there, talking about the night before and much much more. He brought it back to "us" always fighting, and wondering why. I hate when he asks that, because I can feel "maybe it's time to call this quits" unspoken. I suggested couples therapy again, and he's resisting that like the plague. Wants to know what, specifically, we'd be trying to solve and how they'd solve it. His resistance is also very telling about where he's at right now. I am willing to do just about anything to salvage our relationship - he's willing to shoot down ideas and ask questions that could have potentially relationship ending answers. We ended on a good, loving note, though I don't remember the specifics, and I'm glad for that. I've made a promise to myself (and I'm going to keep this one....really I am..) that if he doesn't touch me when I get in bed, I'm sleeping on the couch.
Sunday - Ken decided to make an offer on one of the condos that he saw, and was supposed to meet Nelson for that and breakfast. We ended up having make-up sex in the morning, which was rawkin, even though it made him late. He'd mentioned the night before that there was no reason for me to go to the offer signing, but changed his mind in the morning. We were a little late for it, but Nelson had done most of it himself by the time we got there. My sinuses started acting up, and I drank a couple of diet sodas to help with...I don't know, something. We dropped off the papers at the office, then picked up Jay and headed over to Farmhouse Cafe for Brunch. They got Mimosas, but there was nothing for me to eat on the menu, and I didn't complain. Got to meet the lovely Rebecca, and her cute friend Nick. Justin also joined us, just before his detox, and put up with the drunks marvelously. Brunch ended up going longer than anticipated, but we finally tallied up and headed out, only to mett up again at the Lafayette pool. It's open to the public during the day, and people sure do make use of it! Nelson started a tab, and insisted that everyone put their drinks on it. I skipped the first few rounds, but finally had 2 vanilla vodkas and diets by the end. Both Nelson and Rebecca needed cigarettes at one point, and Nelson was going to try to throw his money at some front desk person, but I volunteered to make the run instead. The pool also went longer than anticipated (what are Sundays for?), though I didn't mind, and then we were supposed to have a BBQ at Nelsons. Ken volunteered to get veggies and munch'ems, and Rebecca volunteered to get the meat. We went home and tipsy, cranky Ken got naked and laid down for a nap, and I didn't take any of the tipsy, cranky bait. He slept, and I laid down for a bit, until he finally woke up. Hit up Ralphs before heading over, only to find out that Nelson was out of propane. Rebecca, who is apparently a fabulous chef, volunteered to just cook the stuff, and the day was saved. I helped with the veggies, and drank a bunch of water, and didn't eat too much. Yay!
When we finally went home from the BBQ, Ken was tipsy and randy, and suggested we get a third. The first few guys that hit me up were only looking for one on one. Then Ken decided that he'd really just like to watch, but we still couldn't host. We finally ended up fucking just the two of us (which is what I wanted all along, though I'm never going to say no to a new notch), and it was FANTASTIC. Ken likes the standing up positions, so we did that, and then I rode him, and then we went missionary. I held out for a good long time, but eventually came...he wasn't going to, but did at my insistence. First time I've seen him tear up after in a looooooooooooooooooooong time. It was ridiculously late at that point, so we went to bed, though it was still too warm for actual cuddling.
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