Limbo Week.
Apr. 25th, 2008 07:04 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thepnutgalleryTuesday - We were supposed to have game, but I guess the boys thought Ken was out of town, so it was a no go. We spoke very briefly on the day before, Ken telling me that I really knew how to ruin a streak. In retrospect, I don't get why it is that when he admits things like lying and cheating, I'm supposed to make sure I have a gentle reaction. When I tell him something upsetting, but which ultimately has nothing to do with him, it's my fault for telling him, and he's entitled to his reaction. Anyway, we picked up some Daphne's greek food for Ken, and then he went over to Justin's. Like everyday, I had been hoping for sex, but when 10:40 rolled around (Ken is usually home around 10), I finally just beat off and went to bed. He got home a little after 11 - I hadn't even fallen asleep yet. After a few minutes, he started touching my ass...it was kind of tentative, and I got the feeling that he was hoping I would say no, and I did. I told him I had finally just beat off, and he mentioned that I should have called if I was going to bed, and he'd have come right over. I just can't predict which night's it'll be that, and which nights he'll decide he wants to go out partying instead.
Wednesday - Work is slowing down, now that tax season is over. This is good, as there's less work to do, but there's also less motivation for me to do it. I threw away the last of the tortilla chips in the morning before I left, knowing full well that I would eat them when I got home otherwise. Made good on that, only to have Ken get very upset with me when he wanted chips & salsa and there was none. This exploded into a huge argument over my issues with food, and really just boiled down to us both being cranky. I got groceries and (non-vegan) chips for him, and headed home. He went out to Betty's with Justin, and then we both went over for a couple cocktails, and Matthew and Allen joined us. At one point, Matthew and I popped back over to our place for a cocktail (no vodka at Justins), and when we got back, Ken was suddenly very distant. The rest of the night passed, and he didn't say anything to me. Back at home, he left me in the living room talking to Anthony, went to bed without saying goodnight, and didn't touch me the whole night through.
Thursday - Ken is reticent the whole day. What begins as a small headache in the morning is well on it's way to full blown migraine by the end of the day. It's about all I can do to stuble in the door at home and lay down. Ken comes home, talks to me a little, and lays down on the other side of the bed, but still doesn't touch me. Brandon is still out of town, but Dallas is up for poker. While he's getting ready, he finally rubs my leg, gives me a kiss and mentions that he does love me - he might get very mad at me, but he does love me. Finally! I ask what he was mad at me for, and he tells me I was distant the night before, but can't seem to tell me what made him think that, since I wasn't. I am furious that he was wrong in being mad at me, but still took it out on me all last night and today, rather than just saying something the night before like a big boy. Instead of exploding, though, I just snap that I am disappointed and put some jeans on. Dallas is here by that point, and I go out to talk to him. The boys are going to Viva Pasta for their pre-poker dinner, and Ken invites me to join. I do love that place, and one of these days, I'll actually order something while I'm there. They dropped me off at home, and I ate some TVP, some oatmeal/flour concotions, and a slice of bread. Ken called, and apologized for being so sensitive lately, which was unexpected and sweet, right up until I realized that he was waiting for me to apologize for taking the bait each time. I was pretty much raised to believe that, if someone starts a fight with you, it's 100% their fault, and have a hard time seeing it any differently. I apologized anyway, just to keep the peace, and laid down. My innocent little headache blossomed into a migraine - not as big as the one I got last year around this same time, but big enough to knock me down. I called Wyatt at about 7:20, but he didn't answer, and there's no voicemail on his phone. He actually called around 8:30, but it was too late at that point.
He mentioned, while I was on the phone with him, that there is a very very very small chance he might not be positive....I was ecstatic, but that's nothing compared to him. Anyway, we'll find out for sure by Tuesday. I laid down again, only to get a call a little later from Ken, who had decided to go to the 10pm game after all, and invited me down. I thought it was weird that he was inviting me out, since it's usually his night to do his thing, but declined anyway, since I was still ill. I woke up for real, mostly headache free, around 10-ish, and putzed around online until Ken came home about 12:20. He was just a little cranky, but otherwise okay, and went to bed rather abruptly....I turned off the computer, got some water, brushed my teeth and joined him. He put one hand on me, but otherwise stayed on his side of the bed. He apologized, mentioned that he was very tired and it was hot...only it was actuallly quite cool, especially as compared to normal. I don't know. Slept better than I did the night before, at any rate.
Wednesday - Work is slowing down, now that tax season is over. This is good, as there's less work to do, but there's also less motivation for me to do it. I threw away the last of the tortilla chips in the morning before I left, knowing full well that I would eat them when I got home otherwise. Made good on that, only to have Ken get very upset with me when he wanted chips & salsa and there was none. This exploded into a huge argument over my issues with food, and really just boiled down to us both being cranky. I got groceries and (non-vegan) chips for him, and headed home. He went out to Betty's with Justin, and then we both went over for a couple cocktails, and Matthew and Allen joined us. At one point, Matthew and I popped back over to our place for a cocktail (no vodka at Justins), and when we got back, Ken was suddenly very distant. The rest of the night passed, and he didn't say anything to me. Back at home, he left me in the living room talking to Anthony, went to bed without saying goodnight, and didn't touch me the whole night through.
Thursday - Ken is reticent the whole day. What begins as a small headache in the morning is well on it's way to full blown migraine by the end of the day. It's about all I can do to stuble in the door at home and lay down. Ken comes home, talks to me a little, and lays down on the other side of the bed, but still doesn't touch me. Brandon is still out of town, but Dallas is up for poker. While he's getting ready, he finally rubs my leg, gives me a kiss and mentions that he does love me - he might get very mad at me, but he does love me. Finally! I ask what he was mad at me for, and he tells me I was distant the night before, but can't seem to tell me what made him think that, since I wasn't. I am furious that he was wrong in being mad at me, but still took it out on me all last night and today, rather than just saying something the night before like a big boy. Instead of exploding, though, I just snap that I am disappointed and put some jeans on. Dallas is here by that point, and I go out to talk to him. The boys are going to Viva Pasta for their pre-poker dinner, and Ken invites me to join. I do love that place, and one of these days, I'll actually order something while I'm there. They dropped me off at home, and I ate some TVP, some oatmeal/flour concotions, and a slice of bread. Ken called, and apologized for being so sensitive lately, which was unexpected and sweet, right up until I realized that he was waiting for me to apologize for taking the bait each time. I was pretty much raised to believe that, if someone starts a fight with you, it's 100% their fault, and have a hard time seeing it any differently. I apologized anyway, just to keep the peace, and laid down. My innocent little headache blossomed into a migraine - not as big as the one I got last year around this same time, but big enough to knock me down. I called Wyatt at about 7:20, but he didn't answer, and there's no voicemail on his phone. He actually called around 8:30, but it was too late at that point.
He mentioned, while I was on the phone with him, that there is a very very very small chance he might not be positive....I was ecstatic, but that's nothing compared to him. Anyway, we'll find out for sure by Tuesday. I laid down again, only to get a call a little later from Ken, who had decided to go to the 10pm game after all, and invited me down. I thought it was weird that he was inviting me out, since it's usually his night to do his thing, but declined anyway, since I was still ill. I woke up for real, mostly headache free, around 10-ish, and putzed around online until Ken came home about 12:20. He was just a little cranky, but otherwise okay, and went to bed rather abruptly....I turned off the computer, got some water, brushed my teeth and joined him. He put one hand on me, but otherwise stayed on his side of the bed. He apologized, mentioned that he was very tired and it was hot...only it was actuallly quite cool, especially as compared to normal. I don't know. Slept better than I did the night before, at any rate.
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