What Does "Never" Mean To You?
Mar. 25th, 2008 04:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thepnutgalleryTuesday - We had our last counseling session. I mentioned the only thing that's still bothering me, which is his fibs that he can't remember, but puts disclaimers out for anyway. He now doesn't know what I'm talking about, but has agreed to go through the e-mails of the last year and see if he can't find any.
Wednesday - Ken booked the cruise for him and Justin. Everyone else is kind of shocked that he's taking a vacation without me. Knowing him, I'm not. I'm glad he booked it while I was at work - gave me time to adjust. I felt kind of bad - he's very excited and wants to talk about the room, and the trip, and how much fun he's going to have, and I'm hearing none of it. He also wanted to have a play date, but no one was on. We went to Bourbon for a drink, and home for more drinks. I started feeling bad that I couldn't make the 3-way happen, and he started feeling left out. Instead of him saying something, though, he just went to bed. We had a brief discussion about it in bed - not the kind of argument we would normall have had, so at least that's good. Also ended things with ROCKIN' sex.
Thursday - Hung out at home with Ken until he left for poker. Went shopping all over the place looking for the specific kind of cookies I wanted. Never did find them. Ended up with Fudge covered mint grahams and chocolate chip cookies from VONS. SO GOOD mixed in with ice cream. I didn't end up finishing it all, and I think I got most of it up. I also held plank for about 7 minutes, listening to "With Every Heartbeat". Ken came home very very very late, and very very very drunk. Laying in bed, he was starting arguments out of nowhere, and when he got up to go to the bathroom, he knocked over his Japanese screen, and all the papers on the desk.
Friday - Bonus day! I was actually excited about going into work, since it was a bonus day. It became significantly less exciting when Ken opted to take a half day. He had been talking about how randy he was, and I know his history being home and randy. Eventually got home myself, to find him sleeping and no longer randy. This is suspect, but whatever. Don't really remember what we did for dinner, or what we did prior to Rich's, but Rich's was a BLAST. DJ Alexander was spinning - he took a looooong slope for the night, but when he finally got going, man did he ever! We stayed there until almost closing, and got hit on again by the gent from Montage. I gave him my number, fwiw. Ken mentioned that he'd have preferred I gave the guy his cell instead. I'll eventually stop laughing about that. We were both still feeling the party party when we got back - Kenny came by with his new friend Chante, and even after they left, we still wanted to party, but there was nothing left to do. All in all, a very good day.
Saturday - Started out well enough. Poked around on the computer for a bit. When Ken checked his e-mail, I saw a message from "s d", and asked about it. He said it was his friend Steve from NM, and then we headed out. Parked at Mo's, met up with Kenny and Nelson, and had a decent time. I also started chatting with a gent who's DJ name is "DQ", and his tall friend, but they stayed behind when we left for #1. Didn't stay there long before going over to The Loft. Somehow, we decided we were going to Vulcan, so I ran back to get the car. On the way there, I couldn't stop thinking about the e-mail. Why had he never mentioned Steve before? For that matter, why hadn't he mentioned him when he e-mailed? Picked up the boys from The Loft, but slammed 3 drinks before we left. This didn't help the buzzing in my head. Finally get over to Vulcan, and Ken is upset that I'm in a mood and won't tell him why. I've decided he's lying about the e-mail, and am upset that he won't fess up. He drives me most of the way home, but threatens to not take me home if xy or z. We're only a couple blocks from home at this point, so I jump out of the car and run home. Fighting ensues all day long. I make, eat, and toss up a box of rotini. Ken finally comes over later and shows me the e-mail. "Friend Steven" turns out to be some guy from craigslist. He said he wasn't serious about it, but that that was the only message he had sent. When he was logged in, I saw several other messages. I lost it. I started screaming at him to log the fuck back in. He said I was scaring him, but finally logged in and left for Justin's. I read the rest of the e-mailsHe ended up spending the night at Justin's. I putzed about on the computer, and walked around VONS trying to decide what to binge on. I started getting a migraine, so nothing sounded worth eating, much less tossing back up again. Jerked off twice when I got home, and went to sleep in the fetal position.
Sunday - He sends me two apology e-mails - one in general for lying and lying and lying and lying, and one for having sent the e-mails to begin with. We talk, though nothing useful comes of it. Go out to breakfast with Justin to Ortega's, which is overpriced, and then meet up with Matt and all at #1 on Fifth. Stay there for a while, head out to lunch at City Deli - there's more stuff on the menu now, and stuff I can have, but I'm still full from breakfast, so I decline. I almost tapped out at that point - my mood could have gone either way, and I didn't want to bring the party down. At the same time, I hate that Ken has a philosophy of "well, that was yesterday, let's have fun"....easy for him to say, since he's not the one who keeps getting fucked. In fairness, though, I know that he would probably be of that mindset even if he was the one getting hurt. Anyway, I ended up joining them, which was very much the right thing to do. We had a great time at The Loft, where Justin's friend Tim joined us, and then all headed back to Justin's for drinks and pizza. I wisely(?) declined the pizza, but that left me with nothing else to line my tummy, and got super super drunk. Tapped out when I realized I was getting ornery, but not before I dropped my pants in the kitchen for Matthew. It was all in jest, but he and Allen left rather abruptly after that. I passed out on the couch at home, where Ken came and found me after about 15 minutes, and then I threw up in the sink. Only awkward because Anthony's boy was in town and they were trying to make pizza. I feel kind of bad, but this is nowhere near the worst thing to happen to me while drunk, so whatev.
Monday - Work is suspiciously not crazy busy. Ken fills me in on the night before, and has to take his car in to get the brakes worked on. I pick him up after work, and feel good about it, except that I don't have my jacket with me, so can't get ready. Back at home, he plays video games for a little while, I talk to my parents, who were concerned that I didn't call on Easter. Laying on the bed, we both get randy, but he's not bottoming, so I egt ready. Ever since the cruise, and the Thursday thereafter, I've had a complex about being ready, and ended up cumming kind of quickly. We taped it, and it wasn't bad, though it was funny to watch in fast forward. Afterwards, he makes a salad and then we jump over to TJ's to pick up dinner. I made the Wingz sauce, and we had Soy Nuggets with marinara and sauce. Good stuff. I was tempted to eat more, but was rather limited in that since we kind of don't have anything. I watched some TV with him, caring more about spending time than about what was on, but had to tap out when the Pet Shop Boys special came on. I had kind of hoped for Round 2 when we went to bed, but also kind of knew it wasn't going to happen. Laying in bed, I talked to Ken about how weird it was to cuddle with him, but stopped short of asking him if he thought we should take a break. He's having dinner with Nikki tonight, and Brandon at some point, and will talk with both of them about it.
Wednesday - Ken booked the cruise for him and Justin. Everyone else is kind of shocked that he's taking a vacation without me. Knowing him, I'm not. I'm glad he booked it while I was at work - gave me time to adjust. I felt kind of bad - he's very excited and wants to talk about the room, and the trip, and how much fun he's going to have, and I'm hearing none of it. He also wanted to have a play date, but no one was on. We went to Bourbon for a drink, and home for more drinks. I started feeling bad that I couldn't make the 3-way happen, and he started feeling left out. Instead of him saying something, though, he just went to bed. We had a brief discussion about it in bed - not the kind of argument we would normall have had, so at least that's good. Also ended things with ROCKIN' sex.
Thursday - Hung out at home with Ken until he left for poker. Went shopping all over the place looking for the specific kind of cookies I wanted. Never did find them. Ended up with Fudge covered mint grahams and chocolate chip cookies from VONS. SO GOOD mixed in with ice cream. I didn't end up finishing it all, and I think I got most of it up. I also held plank for about 7 minutes, listening to "With Every Heartbeat". Ken came home very very very late, and very very very drunk. Laying in bed, he was starting arguments out of nowhere, and when he got up to go to the bathroom, he knocked over his Japanese screen, and all the papers on the desk.
Friday - Bonus day! I was actually excited about going into work, since it was a bonus day. It became significantly less exciting when Ken opted to take a half day. He had been talking about how randy he was, and I know his history being home and randy. Eventually got home myself, to find him sleeping and no longer randy. This is suspect, but whatever. Don't really remember what we did for dinner, or what we did prior to Rich's, but Rich's was a BLAST. DJ Alexander was spinning - he took a looooong slope for the night, but when he finally got going, man did he ever! We stayed there until almost closing, and got hit on again by the gent from Montage. I gave him my number, fwiw. Ken mentioned that he'd have preferred I gave the guy his cell instead. I'll eventually stop laughing about that. We were both still feeling the party party when we got back - Kenny came by with his new friend Chante, and even after they left, we still wanted to party, but there was nothing left to do. All in all, a very good day.
Saturday - Started out well enough. Poked around on the computer for a bit. When Ken checked his e-mail, I saw a message from "s d", and asked about it. He said it was his friend Steve from NM, and then we headed out. Parked at Mo's, met up with Kenny and Nelson, and had a decent time. I also started chatting with a gent who's DJ name is "DQ", and his tall friend, but they stayed behind when we left for #1. Didn't stay there long before going over to The Loft. Somehow, we decided we were going to Vulcan, so I ran back to get the car. On the way there, I couldn't stop thinking about the e-mail. Why had he never mentioned Steve before? For that matter, why hadn't he mentioned him when he e-mailed? Picked up the boys from The Loft, but slammed 3 drinks before we left. This didn't help the buzzing in my head. Finally get over to Vulcan, and Ken is upset that I'm in a mood and won't tell him why. I've decided he's lying about the e-mail, and am upset that he won't fess up. He drives me most of the way home, but threatens to not take me home if xy or z. We're only a couple blocks from home at this point, so I jump out of the car and run home. Fighting ensues all day long. I make, eat, and toss up a box of rotini. Ken finally comes over later and shows me the e-mail. "Friend Steven" turns out to be some guy from craigslist. He said he wasn't serious about it, but that that was the only message he had sent. When he was logged in, I saw several other messages. I lost it. I started screaming at him to log the fuck back in. He said I was scaring him, but finally logged in and left for Justin's. I read the rest of the e-mailsHe ended up spending the night at Justin's. I putzed about on the computer, and walked around VONS trying to decide what to binge on. I started getting a migraine, so nothing sounded worth eating, much less tossing back up again. Jerked off twice when I got home, and went to sleep in the fetal position.
Sunday - He sends me two apology e-mails - one in general for lying and lying and lying and lying, and one for having sent the e-mails to begin with. We talk, though nothing useful comes of it. Go out to breakfast with Justin to Ortega's, which is overpriced, and then meet up with Matt and all at #1 on Fifth. Stay there for a while, head out to lunch at City Deli - there's more stuff on the menu now, and stuff I can have, but I'm still full from breakfast, so I decline. I almost tapped out at that point - my mood could have gone either way, and I didn't want to bring the party down. At the same time, I hate that Ken has a philosophy of "well, that was yesterday, let's have fun"....easy for him to say, since he's not the one who keeps getting fucked. In fairness, though, I know that he would probably be of that mindset even if he was the one getting hurt. Anyway, I ended up joining them, which was very much the right thing to do. We had a great time at The Loft, where Justin's friend Tim joined us, and then all headed back to Justin's for drinks and pizza. I wisely(?) declined the pizza, but that left me with nothing else to line my tummy, and got super super drunk. Tapped out when I realized I was getting ornery, but not before I dropped my pants in the kitchen for Matthew. It was all in jest, but he and Allen left rather abruptly after that. I passed out on the couch at home, where Ken came and found me after about 15 minutes, and then I threw up in the sink. Only awkward because Anthony's boy was in town and they were trying to make pizza. I feel kind of bad, but this is nowhere near the worst thing to happen to me while drunk, so whatev.
Monday - Work is suspiciously not crazy busy. Ken fills me in on the night before, and has to take his car in to get the brakes worked on. I pick him up after work, and feel good about it, except that I don't have my jacket with me, so can't get ready. Back at home, he plays video games for a little while, I talk to my parents, who were concerned that I didn't call on Easter. Laying on the bed, we both get randy, but he's not bottoming, so I egt ready. Ever since the cruise, and the Thursday thereafter, I've had a complex about being ready, and ended up cumming kind of quickly. We taped it, and it wasn't bad, though it was funny to watch in fast forward. Afterwards, he makes a salad and then we jump over to TJ's to pick up dinner. I made the Wingz sauce, and we had Soy Nuggets with marinara and sauce. Good stuff. I was tempted to eat more, but was rather limited in that since we kind of don't have anything. I watched some TV with him, caring more about spending time than about what was on, but had to tap out when the Pet Shop Boys special came on. I had kind of hoped for Round 2 when we went to bed, but also kind of knew it wasn't going to happen. Laying in bed, I talked to Ken about how weird it was to cuddle with him, but stopped short of asking him if he thought we should take a break. He's having dinner with Nikki tonight, and Brandon at some point, and will talk with both of them about it.
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