Sturdy Shoulders
Jul. 26th, 2021 12:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thepnutgalleryLady Miss Friday was up on my pillows when I woke up so of course I stayed until the last minute. There was some confusion over scheduling. Eservice wasn't done by 10 and I went to check the schedules but couldn't find the right one before I got sidetracked. Kris ended up covering it (she's showing up as the Monday person on the rotation from 3 months ago), but Kathy did at least mention that I'd done most of it. I did another training with Din for Supreme Court stuff. I was cranky but tried to keep a lid on it. I felt a lot better after, but had a lot of work to do in the remaining hour. I got most of the eservice DL'd for tomorrow and of that, everything for JJD's & my mail entered. It's fine.
My session with Candace was informative, as always, though it also seemed even more me just talking. Maybe I'll start doing that. Have literal conversations with myself on webcam. I went over Bobbay and the patience and process of getting it out of him, as well as the credit given for him initiating the talk. She said I bassically had to be his therapist. I'm really flattered by that. Not the need for it, but the fact that I'm doing it. Obviously not fast or professionally, but I'm doing it. And when I got to the part where I successfully comforted him after Leo died without resorting to a broom, she commended me but also noted that my difficulty with tenderness is entirely understandable here. And she's worried for my emotional safety. I'm very durable. There's still a recurring issue for those in recovery that they need a support system or they'll relapse. That's the other reason Julian needs to get help - this could become dangerously one-sided.
Lady Miss Friday laid on my lap, then slept on my shoulder. I've never been so touched or terrified. Beats laying in her litter box. I went to the living room when she got up even though it was hard to leave her. Julian mentioned how much I talk to myself, especially in the mornings, and my catchphrase is to mutter some and then say "Okay. It's fine." I'm famous! Like when the other students in law school would quote me in their notes. He wandered some into his joking rage, but I think he's shifting from that. He called to make sure his Medi Cal was active and I looked up where he could get a vaccine. Ralph's downtown was the closest, so off we went. It took a little longer than I thought it would, and I got a text from a client wanting both of us. Julian still declined and made it clear he didn't want me to. He was jealous, even though he just fucked Bobbay. He eventually said I should go, but I felt like this was the sort of thing where he was just saying what I wanted to hear. I might have to take my ad down again. Given how nervous I was for my last client, maybe I can't do it anymore anyways. Julian also recently mentioned he wants us to fuck again soon. I think we can do that. Soon.
He commented on what a vastly different biome downtown is than our neighborhood. I can't really imagine living there, or New York, or anywhere aggressively metropolitan. I saw the place where that professor kept Wyatt as a houseboy for a while. What a morbid Wonder Wednesday that would be. Like, I get people treasure their loved ones forever, but what do they do with memories and associated emotions for everyone else? For troubled/troubling folks like Wyatt? I'm trying to think Butterfly Legacies now. Not just doing good for people still alive, but with the thoughts of how saving, improving, and enriching lives creates their own ripples. Those kinds of patterns.
We're still working on how to manage dinner right now. A lot of that is trying to figure out if we're even going to eat. I'll always choose to skip if I let myself think about it, but I can't figure out what's going on with him. So far, he pretty much won't eat anything but snacks unless I ask him what he wants or just start cooking. I imagine he'll just run out for Burger King when he's got his finances sorted, but I hope not. I figured we could get anything we needed there, but I really couldn't think of much. On the drive home, though, I asked him what he wanted. He decided on burgers, which is great because we already had almost everything. He asked for beer that he'd pay for as a reward for getting his vaccine. I dunno, man. I picked up the fries and some candy, almost walked out with the basket. My absent mindedness has leveled up.
I had to feed Lady Miss Friday when we got home, so I laid on the bed while she ate. I started cooking when I got out and Julian made a request about the fries. I advised him to take Nike's advice in the future and gave a dramatic preenactment with spices on the fries. He poured some olive oil over them and kept them in longer than the package, and they were delicious and crispy. Go us! He had two burgers, I ended up just cooking up soy curls to put on a bun... But then just tossed some sauce with the curls and ultimately just ate a few fries. He couldn't finish his, so put the leftovers in the fridge for me later. I think he's getting how low my epicurean standards are. I journaled while he watched Cosmic Sin, featuring Bruce Willis. It was very, very strange, even if it did raise the interesting question of what we'd do it we were colonized the same way we've colonized Earth. Kind of like if all mutants were on Magneto's side.
My session with Candace was informative, as always, though it also seemed even more me just talking. Maybe I'll start doing that. Have literal conversations with myself on webcam. I went over Bobbay and the patience and process of getting it out of him, as well as the credit given for him initiating the talk. She said I bassically had to be his therapist. I'm really flattered by that. Not the need for it, but the fact that I'm doing it. Obviously not fast or professionally, but I'm doing it. And when I got to the part where I successfully comforted him after Leo died without resorting to a broom, she commended me but also noted that my difficulty with tenderness is entirely understandable here. And she's worried for my emotional safety. I'm very durable. There's still a recurring issue for those in recovery that they need a support system or they'll relapse. That's the other reason Julian needs to get help - this could become dangerously one-sided.
Lady Miss Friday laid on my lap, then slept on my shoulder. I've never been so touched or terrified. Beats laying in her litter box. I went to the living room when she got up even though it was hard to leave her. Julian mentioned how much I talk to myself, especially in the mornings, and my catchphrase is to mutter some and then say "Okay. It's fine." I'm famous! Like when the other students in law school would quote me in their notes. He wandered some into his joking rage, but I think he's shifting from that. He called to make sure his Medi Cal was active and I looked up where he could get a vaccine. Ralph's downtown was the closest, so off we went. It took a little longer than I thought it would, and I got a text from a client wanting both of us. Julian still declined and made it clear he didn't want me to. He was jealous, even though he just fucked Bobbay. He eventually said I should go, but I felt like this was the sort of thing where he was just saying what I wanted to hear. I might have to take my ad down again. Given how nervous I was for my last client, maybe I can't do it anymore anyways. Julian also recently mentioned he wants us to fuck again soon. I think we can do that. Soon.
He commented on what a vastly different biome downtown is than our neighborhood. I can't really imagine living there, or New York, or anywhere aggressively metropolitan. I saw the place where that professor kept Wyatt as a houseboy for a while. What a morbid Wonder Wednesday that would be. Like, I get people treasure their loved ones forever, but what do they do with memories and associated emotions for everyone else? For troubled/troubling folks like Wyatt? I'm trying to think Butterfly Legacies now. Not just doing good for people still alive, but with the thoughts of how saving, improving, and enriching lives creates their own ripples. Those kinds of patterns.
We're still working on how to manage dinner right now. A lot of that is trying to figure out if we're even going to eat. I'll always choose to skip if I let myself think about it, but I can't figure out what's going on with him. So far, he pretty much won't eat anything but snacks unless I ask him what he wants or just start cooking. I imagine he'll just run out for Burger King when he's got his finances sorted, but I hope not. I figured we could get anything we needed there, but I really couldn't think of much. On the drive home, though, I asked him what he wanted. He decided on burgers, which is great because we already had almost everything. He asked for beer that he'd pay for as a reward for getting his vaccine. I dunno, man. I picked up the fries and some candy, almost walked out with the basket. My absent mindedness has leveled up.
I had to feed Lady Miss Friday when we got home, so I laid on the bed while she ate. I started cooking when I got out and Julian made a request about the fries. I advised him to take Nike's advice in the future and gave a dramatic preenactment with spices on the fries. He poured some olive oil over them and kept them in longer than the package, and they were delicious and crispy. Go us! He had two burgers, I ended up just cooking up soy curls to put on a bun... But then just tossed some sauce with the curls and ultimately just ate a few fries. He couldn't finish his, so put the leftovers in the fridge for me later. I think he's getting how low my epicurean standards are. I journaled while he watched Cosmic Sin, featuring Bruce Willis. It was very, very strange, even if it did raise the interesting question of what we'd do it we were colonized the same way we've colonized Earth. Kind of like if all mutants were on Magneto's side.
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