Hasbro: Cracks & Schisms

[thepnutgallery]

Made Julian's coffee for him in the morning - I have no idea why he likes the freeze-dried coffee I make. It could be one of those small magics I posted about recently, Julian's desperation to find something to compliment me on so we feel like a real couple, or any number of other things. I'm not fighting it, at any rate. I smoked a lot yesterday, but didn't feel much from it. Not sure what to do with that, but I opted not to smoke during the day today. I finished eservice by 8 and finished my mail by the time the meeting started. It was via Teams, which was convenient in a lot of ways. It was dedicated to brainstorming advantages of being in the office and disadvantages of working remotely. For all that I'm no joke the heart of the resistance to return, I've also tried to be very fair and behave neutrally. I did so again by being almost the only person who had ideas for the prompt and speaking at length about them. In the back of my head, I was scared they would think I was high, even though I hadn't been smoking. I didn't feel like we got very far, but everyone else said it was incredibly useful. Works for me. There was an awkward moment of grief overcoming Lynelle and no one knew what to say for her. She's grieving hard for her dad, and really wants people around her. I'd have zero problem coming in to the office if someone needed that to get through that initial grief attack. Not really sure how that would work with my car & Julian's work, but I suppose I could always catch the trolley, catch the bus, instead of making such a fuss. After the meeting, Kathy sent an email about the card. I wasn't in the office at all this week so I never signed it. Fortunately, I already suggested ways for people to digitally sign, so I took my own advice. Made a whole digital signature. Kris and Lori both offered to sign it for me, which I thought was sweet. Not sure if I mentioned it before, but when I looked at my psychiatrist's notes from our last meeting, it turns out he's diagnosed me with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Not surprising in the least, just didn't know it was official. JJD and I also had a real open conversation over chat in Teams. I learned a lot during the meeting, including that the amazing and amazingly quick transition to paperless was because they already had all this stuff waiting in the wings, it was just that so many ADIans were hardcore against it. It took the pandemic and the need to work at home to get them to acquiesce. We talked again about how grateful we both are to work at a company like ADI, even if the State keeps us just above the poverty line. I popped in to Facebook every now and again during the day. Some either crazy or methy gent made a comment on them.'s page and Kathi asked why I even bothered responding. On a page like them.'s, I feel like it's important to address even things that would invoke Poe's Law to demonstrate to the Right who keep stumbling on their. page, just to demonstrate that however fertile it might be for future straw men, those folks are not remotely representative of the Left. And for the individual in question, I hope that by engaging with them I can direct them to help for their drug and/or insanity issues. And also help them out with any fallacies they might be plagued by. I'm so helpful. One of the tags by Kathi turned out to be unrelated, she was just hoping her SD buds could take a visiting friend dancing. Opening night of Pride, I figured most places would be packed and gouged, but there was a free BBQ at the SDGMC church and the Block Party. I only drank a half cup of coffee - it was leftover from the fresh cup I made. I tagged Julian in my reply, figured I'd talk to him when he got home, just use the tag for reference when he asked for details. I didn't hear back from the friend, but if Julian still wanted to go out, I could just make more coffee. I'd been thinking about getting a new chair for a while. My current student assembly folding chair somehow seems to encourage sitting closer to the keyboard and Julian has commented several times that the back of the chair leaves a discolored mark on my back for hours. As an extra nudge to get a new chair, the current one broke when I was trying to shift it to give Lady Miss Friday more room.

I went to the living room as soon as Julian got home, though that wasn't until 5:30 or 6. I guess they were slammed and he worked a half an hour of overtime. Sweet! That plus commission should make for a healthier paycheck. He grabbed a beer, I grabbed a pen. I got a notification that Ruth commented on Flora's obituary. Just wanted to impart the sage wisdom that she only likes dogs and cats, would only ever buy mice as snake food. It sounds absurd now, but I have never felt a stronger urge to travel. I very, very, very badly wanted to get on a plane, fly to Poulsbo, Washington, and do very, very, very damaging things to her. She's Evangelical, previously had a brutal battle with cancer, and is bassically just waiting to die at my mom's place now. She was always religiously misanthropic, and the aftermath of chemo vastly empowered that. Vastly. I did not, obviously, go through with any of the horrific things I dreamt of doing, but I was simultaneously fascinated and frightened. I don't think I've ever been so furious or violent. As happens, I drew the line at imagining specific tortures. I also considered faking a letter from the church to tell her she's going to hell and no one will mourn her. I think I need to review that session I had with Candace about my near sadistic ripostes. Like...JFC Squeak.

I left my earning phone charging and took my fun phone with me so I could get caught up completely on my journal, and especially so I didn't forget the violent visions. That felt elt important. Julian left to talk to his mom, which suited me fine since I still had so much to write. I let his kids out and watched them for a while, delighted to discover the decent range on my wifi. A very, very attractive gent with a flat stomach walked past and wished me a happy Pride. In spite of offering tentative Pride plans to Kathi's friend, I forgot it was Pride weekend. Ah, well. When Julian returned I told him about the Pride block party & BBQ but he was noncommittal. Makes no never mind to me. I figured just being in the same room, even if I had other things to do, would be fine, but Julian was quite chatty.

We watched YouTube again and I tried to keep track of his beers. I was not successful. He complained about groceries again. Said he was tired of soy curls even though he hasn't had them in over a month. He did agree to learn to rehydrate and cook them, though I don't think he'll remember it. But also, even if he does, it'll still be like having chicken for every dinner. Doesn't matter how many different ways you cook it, it's still chicken. I don't think it's surprising all I wouldn't think of that. He had a little venting session about his mom and we realized again that often when he's haranguing me, he's really venting about his mom. Unfortunately, despite having solved the problem, Drunk Julian was still upset. He went back to berating me for better groceries but wouldn't stop when I offered my credit card. A problem for every solution, but when I had multiple solutions for every problem, he just started back at the beginning as if we hadn't already addressed everything. I couldn't really tell how much was just ordinary Julian insistence vs the booze. He calmed down after about 30-45 min, we went back to music. It feels very strange to have him so demonstrably invested in the relationship, like last night, and then slip back into what likely amounts to emotional abuse. He later asked for the vegan option at Burger King, I offered my credit card and he asked again. He calmed down, we watched music again and it was fine. A good time, even. I stayed up until almost 1 but finally crashed. Julian requested cobedding but I declined. Minus the inferno, it was really one of my better Prides.

Comments

[npgmaverick]

Just wanted to impart the sage wisdom that she only likes dogs and cats, would only ever buy mice as snake food.

I read that! What a BITCH! She deserved way less civility than you offered in your reply.