Progress

[thepnutgallery]

Julian had continued ranting over texts overnight. Everyone needs a hobby. I will not be held hostage by his tantrums. I had a couple emails to take care of but finished the eservice a little early anyway. One of those emails was Kathy, upset that we hadn't responded to her email asking for coverage. But she sent it after 10 pm on Tuesday and was out yesterday. We're not supposed to check our emails when we're not on the clock, so...It was a light day, and since Kathy was back, I was able to do that thing where I start on eservice and mail for Monday. I thought Din was out next week but didn't see anything on the schedule about it. Cool, next week I have to start going to the office anyway.

Julian came home around 12. I was unsure how to handle things, but he just...said hi and got ready for his interview. I knew we'd need to talk about it eventually, but if he needed to pretend nothing happened until he finished his interviews, I can understand that and play along. He looked very nice for his interview. I was very eager to try to update my journal during the day, but with Tom & Jeff coming in tomorrow, figured cleaning would be a better use of my time. I managed to get the place vacuumed, dishes washed, and trash taken out. I'd have started on laundry but Julian still had my keys. And I finally found a website to download my Liked tracks. I've got 5 days and in the future, I'll just snag them as I go.

I weighed it, but eventually messaged Sean for clarification on Julian's invite status. I want him there and this isn't a competition. If everyone falls in love with him and forgets about me, then Julian and I have a terrible breakup, whatever. I'm happy I could connect people who are super into each other, even if I don't get along with one of them. Julian and I talked after work and his interview. He apologized for last night, said it was troubling echoes of his previous emotional abuse. I fully agreed, but the idea that he was able to realize that and own it is tremendous. And later in the evening he said he'd had to move to Arkansas because he was such a mess. We went through the date deck from Best Self and there were several fantastic, humorous moments, and so much self-awareness and insight. I thought back again to living on 33rd, when most everyone avoided contact with me, since I was so high and such a mess so often, but Julian was one of a select few who kept regular contact. And he'd asked me once or thrice if I'd been high on the phone. I really can't imagine that was in the hopes I'd pick myself up and marry him just so he could move back.