Faunal Solstice
May. 2nd, 2021 04:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thepnutgalleryI woke up late (for me), but that's understandable for how late we went to bed. I saw Merryweather running around and Fauna still laying in her wheel. She no longer seemed to be breathing. Always terrified of acting disastrously premature, I figured I'd bury her next to Houdini once night set and no one would report a creepy guy digging around in the common area.
We'd tentatively planned to go down to Tim's marina to feed the ducks and walk Pupple but it was overcast. Plus that whole "dead car" thing. I was going to wait even longer - why rush? If I just make more trips to the store, I can pretty much swap to walking anyway. But Julian was out of beer, so I called AAA. It rained a little, but she was very nice. I think she had a slight Brooklyn accent, but couldn't really tell. Got the battery swapped, even though I couldn't find the receipt from the last time to note that it was still under warranty and couldn't get through to AAA on the phone to confirm, but my now extra-broken key would no longer work to turn off the alarm from the newly awoken car. The tech was very nice, just told me to repair the key. She left the battery in but unattached, so when I get my key fixed, I'll just need a wrench to attach the battery cable. Since Julian was still out of beer, we just walked over to the store. Their Key Maker couldn't do anything for my key, so we walked over to ACE. They also could not help my key. Said to just order one using the VIN, then call someone to come out and program it. Ugh. I found a 30 pack of beer, figured that should keep him for a while. At least long enough for me to figure out my car. Julian kept asking if I wanted him to carry the brick of beer. Very sweet and considerate but...no. I wouldn't accept even if I needed it, but I'm a donkey so no need. Not the way I'd asked for, but whatever.
I'd promised I'd get my character submitted by today, so I worked on that. It was very confusing. Yesterday I thought Warlock's were introduced in 4th Ed, so I'd have to play a sorcerer for 3.5. Not impossible, just...foreign. I also couldn't figure out a fillable character sheet for 3.5. A full-spectrum Character Generator would also have been ducky. I eventually found the former, at least. And the 3.5 Warlock. Can't do my usual concept for Kolas - a Tiefling (demon-born) Warlock with a Celestial Pact. I like those heroes, that dichotomy, that internal conflict. The Necrophim, the Miyus, the Alucards and Ds....Michelle Pfeiffer's Catwmoan isn't quite that Archetype but she's in that realm. Oh, and bassically the entire Sourcebook Exalted: The Abyssals. I tried not to min/max too much and instead just make smart choices. It's a line, and I don't do well with those. Even snorting them, if they're coke. I'd thought Julian and I could make it together for spell decisions and such, but Warlocks didn't get spells at all in 3.5. We could have probably selected equipment together, but that's tedious. I just wrote "Standard adventuring stuff." He Okayed in like...2 seconds. To the shock of no one, I was overthinking it.
Grief over Fauna fucked with me all day. Some weird liquid kept spilling onto my face. And even grieving at all fucked with me. That's a weird dilemma. 1) She's dead, she doesn't care. So this is all self-centered and performative. I'm just sorry for myself that I don't have her. But I'm not. I'm fucking livid she's not here to enjoy herself anymore. Since mice are prey creatures, but I'm their fucking bodyguard, so literally all they have to do is enjoy themselves. Thanks, Journal. That actually helps me solve a puzzle in my brain. But I still feel like I've failed them when they die due to laws of nature. How could I not fix that! 2) I don't like vulnerability in myself. The idea that I even struggle with literally anything, ever just makes me scream more shrilly. But footnote, I'm also terrified of not feeling grief, because my kids deserve me to at least be fucked up a little over their passing/absence. I had a few drinks to quiet the maelstrom enough for me to bury her. When I got her out of the cage, I knew she was definitely dead, and not like...in a coma or KO'd or anything. I buried her, tried to make my peace with her passing, but it's likely to fuck with me further. There must be something I could have done for her, but I'm too fucking stupid to even notice it, much less treat it.
Julian opted for Netflix for the night, though he wasn't sure what else to do. I should ask him his favorite indoor activities. We watched the Michael Bolton Valentine's Day special, and it was fantastic. I'll watch it again when I'm not smoking and drinking just to make sure, but I found it hilarious. Watched through Sarah Cooper: Everything's Fine, then most of the Winx Saga, about a school for the fae. That one had fascinating twists the deeper it went, though I had to tap out for bed before the end of it. Jason texted me in the evening and he seemed...distressed. I let him know Julian was in town and he just asked me to message him when I'm free. Quarantine has given me a lot more free time and a lot more energy to do things, so I invited him over for dinner tomorrow.
We'd tentatively planned to go down to Tim's marina to feed the ducks and walk Pupple but it was overcast. Plus that whole "dead car" thing. I was going to wait even longer - why rush? If I just make more trips to the store, I can pretty much swap to walking anyway. But Julian was out of beer, so I called AAA. It rained a little, but she was very nice. I think she had a slight Brooklyn accent, but couldn't really tell. Got the battery swapped, even though I couldn't find the receipt from the last time to note that it was still under warranty and couldn't get through to AAA on the phone to confirm, but my now extra-broken key would no longer work to turn off the alarm from the newly awoken car. The tech was very nice, just told me to repair the key. She left the battery in but unattached, so when I get my key fixed, I'll just need a wrench to attach the battery cable. Since Julian was still out of beer, we just walked over to the store. Their Key Maker couldn't do anything for my key, so we walked over to ACE. They also could not help my key. Said to just order one using the VIN, then call someone to come out and program it. Ugh. I found a 30 pack of beer, figured that should keep him for a while. At least long enough for me to figure out my car. Julian kept asking if I wanted him to carry the brick of beer. Very sweet and considerate but...no. I wouldn't accept even if I needed it, but I'm a donkey so no need. Not the way I'd asked for, but whatever.
I'd promised I'd get my character submitted by today, so I worked on that. It was very confusing. Yesterday I thought Warlock's were introduced in 4th Ed, so I'd have to play a sorcerer for 3.5. Not impossible, just...foreign. I also couldn't figure out a fillable character sheet for 3.5. A full-spectrum Character Generator would also have been ducky. I eventually found the former, at least. And the 3.5 Warlock. Can't do my usual concept for Kolas - a Tiefling (demon-born) Warlock with a Celestial Pact. I like those heroes, that dichotomy, that internal conflict. The Necrophim, the Miyus, the Alucards and Ds....Michelle Pfeiffer's Catwmoan isn't quite that Archetype but she's in that realm. Oh, and bassically the entire Sourcebook Exalted: The Abyssals. I tried not to min/max too much and instead just make smart choices. It's a line, and I don't do well with those. Even snorting them, if they're coke. I'd thought Julian and I could make it together for spell decisions and such, but Warlocks didn't get spells at all in 3.5. We could have probably selected equipment together, but that's tedious. I just wrote "Standard adventuring stuff." He Okayed in like...2 seconds. To the shock of no one, I was overthinking it.
Grief over Fauna fucked with me all day. Some weird liquid kept spilling onto my face. And even grieving at all fucked with me. That's a weird dilemma. 1) She's dead, she doesn't care. So this is all self-centered and performative. I'm just sorry for myself that I don't have her. But I'm not. I'm fucking livid she's not here to enjoy herself anymore. Since mice are prey creatures, but I'm their fucking bodyguard, so literally all they have to do is enjoy themselves. Thanks, Journal. That actually helps me solve a puzzle in my brain. But I still feel like I've failed them when they die due to laws of nature. How could I not fix that! 2) I don't like vulnerability in myself. The idea that I even struggle with literally anything, ever just makes me scream more shrilly. But footnote, I'm also terrified of not feeling grief, because my kids deserve me to at least be fucked up a little over their passing/absence. I had a few drinks to quiet the maelstrom enough for me to bury her. When I got her out of the cage, I knew she was definitely dead, and not like...in a coma or KO'd or anything. I buried her, tried to make my peace with her passing, but it's likely to fuck with me further. There must be something I could have done for her, but I'm too fucking stupid to even notice it, much less treat it.
Julian opted for Netflix for the night, though he wasn't sure what else to do. I should ask him his favorite indoor activities. We watched the Michael Bolton Valentine's Day special, and it was fantastic. I'll watch it again when I'm not smoking and drinking just to make sure, but I found it hilarious. Watched through Sarah Cooper: Everything's Fine, then most of the Winx Saga, about a school for the fae. That one had fascinating twists the deeper it went, though I had to tap out for bed before the end of it. Jason texted me in the evening and he seemed...distressed. I let him know Julian was in town and he just asked me to message him when I'm free. Quarantine has given me a lot more free time and a lot more energy to do things, so I invited him over for dinner tomorrow.
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