Fumes & Phoenix

[thepnutgallery]

Since I'd finished the project of recreation yesterday, I felt a really strong need to be actually productive. No goals to fail, just...clean for a while. Took out the trash and recycling, cleaned the litter box, cut my hair and beard, thoroughly vacuumed (minus under the bed, because Lady Miss Friday was there), and straightened up the living room desk and my computer desk. And cleaned the coil/bucket for my vapes. Alas, still no sales, but I decided to ration. In hilarity, I imagined resorting to smoking flower. Desperate times. :)) I peeked in at my work email, and saw a couple things I could have fixed right there, but all of them also all of them specifically designated they looked forward to my response *ON MONDAY, NOT ONE SECOND SOONER AND WE'LL KNOW.* Paraphrasing. Really, them adding that was good, because otherwise I'd have been tempted to address them right there. I'm not even sure that's a legal grey area, just something I'd try to get away with. I also sent in a request to be on The Kelly Clarkson Show...as a remote audience member. It's perfect, really. I get to be a Kelly audience member without driving to L.A.

I was again satisfied with my work enough to answer the phone. My mom called to check in, and I learned talking on the phone helps her clean. It was just above yesterday's talk with Julian on attention I needed to pay, though looking back maybe it would've been best if I had missed it. She started talking about Agenda 21. The gist – a totalitarian world cabal is trying to depopulate the planet by 90 percent and the U.N. and other governments are behind it. I started rushing to find links for her, but that's just clunky to do and cite over the phone. I decided to email her, I just have to keep my fangs sheathed. I thought about ending the phone call, but I, unlike Miranda Lambert's mother, don't want her to hide her crazy. I can't address it if I don't know about it. But I'm really glad I stayed, because then she talked about Jared's situation, and how all she can feel for him now is pity. I thought about my own missed opportunities to address the many ticking time bombs in my head, but she went on to say knew I went through just as much ish as Jared, both now and then. And she really admired how much resilience and self-awareness I've shown throughout. She mentioned some of Dad's positive traits, and reinforced my previous realization that no one got out of that unharmed. It had been a long, bewildering journey, both in terms of time spent and distance traveled, but I ended it after 2 hours.

I wrestled with messaging Julian. On the one hand, everybody can see he needs some awakenings, we're just trying different adjectives. I met myself halfway and sent him "Everybody's a Little Bit Racist" from Ave Q, and the message that having racist views is nowhere near bad as having them and refusing to change. He apologized, said he gets it, and Asians are actually better drivers. I clarified that even positive stereotypes are damaging, both when achieved and when not. Black gents I've known have been *doubly* ashamed of their small dicks, and when a black student is good at basketball, it gets attributed to his ethnicity instead of any individual traits. And I encouraged him to work on his self-analysis. I hate being on the spot, so I'm glad he didn't ask which things other than racism were hard to explain to others. But I did reinforce the idea of a relationship spectrum.

Walking past the kitchen, I wanted something to Plus my weed, especially since I was rationing. I saw the rum I bought for Patrick for Game Night and...desperate times. I'll just pick up another bottle next time I'm at the store. I think my limit is going to be BAC .15 We'll start there. With my newly equipped Weed Plus (X), where X equals booze, I dove back in to Mountains, and frustrated that I couldn't post it to the Music Group, just messaged more people asking for their review.