Music Show & Tell & Tell

[thepnutgallery]

I couldn't find my phone when I woke up, so I was probably a little more inebriated than I thought I was. I used Find My Phone and flashed back through all the times I had to use that while high as a kite. Shit. I just remembered Lady Miss Friday would go out in the living room while I was high. She didn't want to be around me. All the more reason not to go back to it. But I am so disgusted and enraged that she wasn't enough to get me to quit. Oh. There's that Mousey-Level Guilt. Kathy emailed me about an upcoming 17a, and I used the opportunity to come clean about that dependency appeal. D3L Holds (financial need forms) are a perfect storm of perfectionism, anxiety, and disorganization. I'll print the D3Ls to pdf in the future so I have something concrete to remind me of important calendar dates. Even though I didn't track it very well, I did my due diligence trying to reach him. Just my anxiety, I suppose.

We started the meeting and I initially declined to volunteer because I was working, but I realized that while I really thought through my choices, I hadn't written those epiphanies down. I wrote out a brief notation on the meaning of each, and my analysis thereof. A lot of people had sort of downer songs, so how close I've come to successfully tapping out might have been less record scratch. I was glad to leave it on the high note of my religion, though I didn't preach. I wish I had, now that I think of it. I was worried about condescending and looking crazy, but I could have just looked crazy easily enough. I had some trouble paying attention to the other speakers, partially just my easily distracted nature and partially that I was trying to get other work done. I had notes to mention for a few of their entries, including Rain Down Love for Din talking about Daft Punk's Around the World and Flight Facilities' Claire de Lune, since someone brought up a homonym track. One of them mentioned Ingrid Michaelson's The Way I Am, but since that's such a popular track, I made sure to mention Wonderful Unknown and You+I. Freida loves Beach House (one of her tracks - Space Song, which I think is my favorite track by them) and Tennis. JJD reminded me he introduced me to Tennis, so that's another win for the Music Group. I feel just a little trepidatious about listening to them again, just because of the severity of my addiction at the time. Association or something. And I managed to tell a work safe version of the "Postcards from Italy" story. See, I have a filter! I rambled. I sped through things, as I have a tendency to do when nervous. I'm fine with it. No one was expecting a TED talk Power-Point lecture with citations. Bonus, I added Freida to the Music Group. Well, first to my Friends and then to the Music Group. I'm Goal Oriented.

I put Maybe first, mostly just so I could have Kelly start and finish the list. Talked about my history as initially not a fan, then My December hooking me, and all the reasons it did. Thought about the time I was going to tap out with Meeker. On the one hand, there are so many shades of black that could have pushed me over the edge, many blacker (they're black black). On the other, my obsessive nature applies to partners as well, so when I found out he gave me HIV and was cheating on me, it really was relatively Earth shattering. Oh, Squeak. I just realized I'm demanding I justify my reasons. Like whatever the fuck has pushed me any of the times I've gotten close enough to the edge to plan taking off has to be "good enough."

That being a fairly dim start, I was delighted to put Get Together next. Such fond memories of the early 00's. I'm not sure why it reminds me of dance class because I would definitely have remembered a combination to it. Maybe we went across the floor or something. And I told them about FHA singing it at karaoke, my performing and that other guy joining in. I never said anything at the time, but I knew that guy. Memory's a bit fuzzy at this point, but he eked out a living as a dancer and choreographer despite not being very good. I felt a Herzogian desperation from him, and I can see echoes of myself in other timelines in him.

I chose Postcards from Italy by Beirut for the middle, just to make a point about my level of musical obsession. For some reason it reminds me of Megan. Maybe she helped me identify it a long time ago? I didn't mention it, but I actually found the song twice. I heard it once, I think at Evolution Fast Food, but didn't write it down and forgot it. Then when I found it again, it obviously seemed somehow familiar. I told the Bear Night story, but just said we had an after party, no mention of what party games were played. Games I declined so I could sit on the floor in the kitchen and listen to it on repeat in my head. I mentioned the dangerously, monumentally, powerful nostalgia that is further empowered by the Super 8 (?) video for it.

Realiti by Grimes took spot #4. Without actually mentioning my depression, I think I managed to describe the powerful tranquility even those first few measures instill. In the middle of a raging vortex, it forces a break in the storm. The fact that it almost didn't happen is icing. Grimes left it on the cutting room floor, but was so touched by the fans on the Asian leg of their tour they released it for free.

As I mentioned earlier, I closed out my set with another Kelly, and appropriately selected Meaning of Life. I chose the piano version she did at Billboard's Women in Music in 2017. Even though Betty Who's Somebody Loves You started it, I think Meaning of Life is the best Subjective Interpretation track. Obviously for me, singing it to Lady Miss Friday made me finally *feel* the meaning of the song. And while the song sounds like it's about romantic love, you can see she's speaking about her children. And in a way, it's also the message of Symbism. Helping others - especially rescue animals who's existence is geared towards surviving an entirely different realiti than the one we've engineered - is the meaning of life.

Lynelle sent an email with a list of everyone's tracks, though without any of the reasons, and then Kathy put all of them on an Amazon Radio. Unsurprisingly, she used the official release of Realiti, which is fine, it just sounds like a remix. A good one, but this one is stellar. I sent both a youtube link and the mp3 to everyone, and then Kathy replaced it on the official Amazon list. It's now the "demo" version.

I finally made my Page for Symbism, and despite my best attempt to do my homework, still did much of my work as I went. I turned in mediocre work, then used magic or something to revise my answers:

"I've talked about it before, but I want to create a religion devoted to pets. Ultimately, altruism is built into many religions, but I believe there's something special about making that kind of difference to a rescue animal. Our society progresses so much faster than any creature could be expected to adapt, and since we rule the world, this creates a responsibility for those able to assist with the collateral damage. And there is an equivalent or greater return from the rescued creatures. We save their lives in one way, they save ours in others. In doing so, we can accelerate existence towards compassion.
We'll eventually need a Board of Directors and we'll file the 501 paperwork. So if you're a Believer, let me know. In addition to how much good I believe we can do in publishing the message, we'll direct donated funds to altruism. For example, helping people rescue animals by paying for vet care, food, items, etc."

It largely fizzled, but Cyndi is going to join the Board (as long as they don't have to be in CA? I'll look), and just responding to her helped me hone my thoughts about the religion. I heard a new track by Gregory Alan Isakov and it was literally indescribable. It spanned several emotions, and if I even tried to map it, it would be somewhere in the spectrum of sage, awestruck, wistfulness.