Now What

[thepnutgallery]

Sinai was out sick again, so we moved her session to Tuesday. I was really glad I made an effort to keep things casual but focused. It was actually fortuitous because I had so much to do. At the end of the day, I was still barely treading water.

I made good on the decoy wine plan and I did look up port forwarding directions. I didn't get through it, but I did get stuff to look up tomorrow. Tim came in with extra apps for tomorrow and a present for me. A shirt that says "Best Cat Dad Ever. Just ask Friday." I was touched enough that I couldn't think to say "Eh...she thinks I'm alright." I blame the booze.

Needless to say, I did not stay up late, but I dove *deep* in my head before I did. I thought about the Economy of Everything and all the different factors at play there. I see the point-value in literally everything, but I never bring up the ledger as long as I'm giving more. I'm still struggling with Tim saving me.

There was some random question at work or something, and I started going down the paranoia rabbit hole again. Cool, so I understand that it stems from all of my parental figures telling me everyone else was just using me. The fuck do I do with it now?

Comments

[npgmaverick]

I'm still struggling with Tim saving me

Why is that a struggle?

[thepnutgallery]

I know you said he and I were even, but it doesn't feel like that. I feel like that's a permanent debt, and I'm very uncomfortable being in debt.

[npgmaverick]

Please consider that not every relationship in your life is transactional and that Tim may have saved you because he cares about you and it was the right thing to do. A thing anyone with the ability to help would. The "Scoreboard" doesn't exist outside your own head.