Mouse Hat

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Even though I had a few drinks last night, I never managed to get tipsy, and was therefore on top of everything at work. We had to take Terry and Taka's jeep to get some work done, and it was...uncomfortable. The two front tires need to be replaced, and they said they'd been promised free automotive work. But they'd apparently said the same thing back in April, and while the workers gave it to them last time, this time was a no go. Taka told me Terry had called her last night wanting to come home early, and he called again while we were there to say he was coming home. I can't take couples telling me to choose sides, for obvious reasons, so I tapped out of all of it. I also managed to make use of my CVS CarePass rewardsd , and then cancel it. Winning is important in my head.

I had my session with Candace, and it was...okay. Me being so bad at even figuring out, much less acknowledging, my needs is a thing, but she's patient with me. She mentioned I've been in "emotional survival mode," and I'm going to do more research on that on my own. And our talk touched on my brother as well as my parents, and that I need a better sense of self. She also said I should tease Tim, because for all that I'm horrid at being any kind of patient, much less a therapy patient, I always do my homework and I take notes.

Terry did, in fact, come home early, and he crocheted a mouse hat for me. It doesn't look like a mouse, but it's adorable. He also wanted to talk, but I was on the phone with Julian by then. Julian had messaged some guy on Grindr, and the guy...was probably a meth addict. The guy recognized Julian from the vid of us I put on pornhub, even though Julian's face isn't in it, and knew both my porn and real name. He claimed Julian had fucked his boyfriend, and "caused" them to break up. I fucking hate when people blame The Other Woman for their partner cheating. Sure, I've got people like that on my Hit List, but that's because they knew my partner was cheating and had no problem with it. I've shredded people for espousing that view. It's vile. Julian listed us as In A Relationship on Facebook, and since I already told him I don't want a long distance relationship, and am probably not ready for *any* relationship (to say nothing of Lady Miss Friday hating bassically everyone in the world but me), I didn't Accept. He called later, and ultimately apologized for it. He'd done it to try to protect me from the whack job who'd talked to him, but I explained again and again - I have no secrets, no one can hold anything over me. A few co-workers already know about my night job, and the ones that don't wouldn't give a fuck. Tim has said before that Julian manipulates me, and while I maintain he doesn't do it intentionally, this rang very loudly of it.

I watched more Lucifer in the evening, and drank, and I kind of want to fuck the writers. This is actually very healthy for me, I think, since even wanting sex has been absent from my life for so long now. The show features such fascinating shades on psychology, clever dialogue, and yes, darkness. Someone posted in Get in Losers, We're Going Laugh Reacting, and perhaps it was the booze, perhaps it was all the discomfort that's been fucking with me lately, but my balancing act between condescension and viciousness was pitiful. I was just reading fools left and right. In fairness to me, it was a bunch of Trumpets clucking about how Obama should be indicted for....something. None of them had any answers, just hatred.