Fall Through Cracks

[thepnutgallery]

I sort of wondered what to do with my day. Obv, I should have cleaned the place, but just...didn't. FHA had responded about My Dinner With Andre K, and it put so much into perspective. At least, somewhat. "...A crippling year-long drug addiction which cost him everything." I don't think I'm really in a position to analyze, but I think I have a tendency to downplay roughly everything, and as always, seeing it in black and white made it so much more real.

Julian texted me - he'd had a job interview, but didn't get it. Silver lining, it would have been very awkward to take a two week vacation right after starting, though maybe he could've just had a later start date. He's also taking care of a family of raccoons. I keep thinking about both him and Justin, not that it ever gets me anywhere.

I avoided the leftover K, but mostly bc it made me sleepy last time. Opted for weed and booze instead. Harm reduction? Maybe? Maybe I should get a sponsor, but I'm so fucking scared of them rejecting me bc I don't want to be sober, or have a relapse, or..... I would be happy to talk to a therapist about this but 1) I can't find one, and 2) at least one of them had the answer of "just...be sober - problem solved!"