Dodging Traps

[thepnutgallery]

I was so tired in the morning, I barely managed to get up and clocked in on time. I also lost my vape pen by putting it "somewhere safe" in the morning. Thank Gawd I bought two batteries and multiple cartridges. I exposed a couple disingenuous or outright crazy people online, starting with the Libertarian trying to excuse Trump's ineptitude costing thousands of lives because of sexual assault allegations....no, not many that have been filed against Trump, the one that's been filed against Biden. Lesser of Two Evils...y'know, the usual. But he's going to sit out this election, like roughly half the country does, because morals. Then on to one of the Trumpets trying *desperately* to believe everything Trump says, even about the existence of an AIDS vaccine.

Megan will apparently be here on Sunday. I panicked a little, cleaned about a hundredth of what needs to be cleaned, and considered again getting a housekeeper. I got caught in that same trap I always do, that I have friends who are a) good at this and b) desperately need money, so if I'm going to spend it on this, I should give it to them. Ultimately, this landed me the same place it always does. Nowhere.

On a similar note, I bought lettuce at the store yesterday, and my last lettuce hadn't...quite..gone bad yet. I ate it, and kept hearing Tim critiquing that it's lettuce and not like...vegetables. Eating and food are probably always going to be tough for me, but I can't let perfect be the enemy of good here.

More of Chris's meds came in, so I picked them up, and it turns out it was the magic order. Unfortunately, the post office was out of flat rate boxes, and they either don't sell them or were also out at Ralph's and the Postal Annex. Rather than risk additional delay, I decided to wait for tomorrow.

We had a Zoom happy hour after work. I initially declined, because I'd want to show my furkids, and I'm not about to go waking and chasing my kids just to show them. So I Declined. But just after 5, Lady Miss Friday was laying on the corner of my bed, so I logged back in, sent the invite to me and joined. It was *much* smaller than I'd anticipated. Elaine, Amy, Michele, and some new young lady named..Mady? They eventually asked me to nudge JJD as well. But it was honestly stellar. Everyone loved Lady Miss Friday, apparently hadn't heard about why I started adopting mice, and are *all* animal lovers themselves. I know I scream at myself for being a licensed attorney working as a paralegal, but given...everything.....I think ADI is the right place for me.

I started listening to Lord Huron again after work. It's a somewhat dangerous song for me, but I felt like a second hit wouldn't hit as hard as the first. It was perfect, even on repeat again, and even despite me constantly hearing "..and then I can kill myself..." I was feeling it. I happened to see FHA online, so checked in. He's okay, just heading to PS for the weekend with David. When he asked, I did share with him the important points - Lord Huron and Colleen coming over for dinner. Bizarrely, I happened to have it playing right at that moment...and for several hours after.

I also saw my mum online, so I called to check in. It was a weirdly, arguably, healthy conversation. It was certainly open. At some point she mentioned tapping out, and....that's a subject. I admitted to her that I'd have done it a long time ago if not for my kids. I don't want to be here. I'm on multiple antidepressants, I do what the fuck I can to make life less shitty for others, but it's all horrible. She saw the I'd become Friends with Colleen. But she was adamant that she didn't want to stop me from knowing her, etc. It got a little awkward when she mentioned that Tim had spoken to her while I was away. My brother received the ring, but claims it doesn't look anything like Grandpa's. I'm starting to understand the level of dysfunction in my family.

I saw I missed texts from Tim, but called him and then asked for his cliff notes. * will maybe update later