Where Do You Go?

[thepnutgallery]

I was tired and somewhat hungover all day. Much of the night before was fuzzy, but I felt less horrible about being That Drunk Friend when I saw over half the rum gone. Bryan got word that Chris's Biktarvy was in, so asked me to pick it up. He's also going to send me some tincture. I had added him to the list of folks I'd asked about a reliable way to get couch-lock stoned, but realized as I was asking him that I really am looking for a sub for G. I do still feel the pull of it, but I play the tape out every time. It wouldn't even be "pushing my luck" to use again, it would just be throwing it all away. Even if I didn't have Lady Miss Friday and my mice to look after, it would just be so fucking rude to bassically spit on everything everyone has done for me to help.

I missed my call for the therapist, and only just managed to convince myself to call him back a couple hours later. Unfortunately, he didn't have much to say with my the info about my family. Just sort of "Yeah, that sounds tough." Moving on from that, I talked a little about my feelings about sex and relationships. The idea that I've considered sex a primary component, that most of my partners haven't wanted me "enough," that I've been cheated on repeatedly, regardless of what guidelines are set in place, and the pulsing ball of rage that festers inside of me for years. His response again was nothing I didn't know. "Well, when you get cheated on, you have to decided if you're going to break up with them or not - boundaries!" Thanks. Finally, I mentioned my desperate need to get out of my own head. I realized on my own that it's depression, numbing, etc., and he was just like "Yup. You should find new coping mechanisms." I've mentioned everything I had on my list at this point, so really don't have any idea where to go next.

Tim posted "Sounds of Sirens," a new parody by the Kinsey Sicks. Dave is a huge fan of theirs, so I sent it to him. He messaged back a little while later, and we talked about how to get him and Sandor together. The US has apparently stopped all immigration, but he wants to marry Sandor and move Sandor here. I referred him to Bryan. I dunno if he just has a few questions, or if Bryan will get some work out of this, but I feel good about giving referrals. I didn't even realize that I hadn't seem him in a long time. My life last year was a dumpster fire.

Tim's part finally showed up in the mail, so I imagine he'll be by some time this weekend to get it.