Floaties

May. 26th, 2020 10:22 am
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Lady Miss Friday woke me up early, I laid in bed for a bit, poured some coffee before laying back down, then played video games until it was time to clock in. The Star Trek promo wasn't registering, but the promo also says "complete" Level 15 to get it. Achieving Level 15 is apparently a big milestone in the game, but maybe you actually need to get to Level 16? I dunno.

Bryan asked me to send what we got for Chris's meds, so I swung out on my lunch break for that. The place was packed, and even the line for self service was long. Actually, the folks at self service were so slow it would have been faster to just stand in line. I got them sent, though, and it was only $10 for the 2 day Priority flat rate box. Good enough, as long as it works.

Credence Resource Management called me again about the 2,400 ambulance bill from last year that AMR never notified me of. I previously called my insurance about it, so I called them again. The young lady was very nice, and I've discovered I'm waaaaay friendlier/more polite/charming/whatever on the phone than online. AMR never fixed their claim, never contacted me, just passed it on to the collection agency. My insurance called AMR, they're supposed to fix it, and I'm gonna call in about a month to check up on them. I get where I've fallen. I get my position in life in all this. But I do have a competitive nature (weird?), the for-profit companies are wrong, and I will...was going to use an incendiary metaphor, but I will step the fuck up, make a rational, cited, case for AMR not being legally allowed to just..decide I should pay instead of the insurance I pay for....and fucking incinerate the attempt. Well, I tried to be 100% rational. It's a step?

I'd worked on getting my camera to play nice with Zoom in the morning, but it wouldn't play nice once I remote connected. Lady Miss Friday was downright whiny, and I couldn't figure out what she wanted. She eventually calmed down, the rest of the meeting went fine, but we learned that Lindsay is going to be a full time stay at home mom in July On the one hand, that clears the way for me to be #1. On the other, that shadow will probably stay over me.

I forced myself to eat, since I was getting to be a raging bitch, and I could already hear those little voices encouraging me to "beat my score" from yesterday. And unlike the last time I did this, I was starting at a couple hundred calories per day. Not that I've ever been good with moderation, but of course it was had to stop myself from eating everything ever.

I also got my "test results" from my EEG, but they just said "Abnormal electroencephalogram because of slowing in the temporal regions. No potentially epileptiform discharges observed. Clinical correlation advised." That being Greek to me, as opposed to plain messages I've occasionally received in the past, I called. His assistant or nurse left a message back, completely ignoring any translation and offering to move up my appointment. I fucking hate, and have railed against for *years* the weird mix of CA privacy law and various medical policies for them to not tell you anything unless it's in person. HIV was a big deal, and that's (probably?) why these exist. I'm sure lots of folks killed themselves on hearing over the phone they were positive, and this was the response. The problem is that 1) HIV is not a death sentence, and I feel like culture is catching up to that, and 2) far be it from me to criticize a lack of moderation, but the idea that people might be unduly affected by new of a life threatening illness, therefore someone should be present to counsel or whatever makes sense. The response that NO test results can be communicated remotely is fucking absurd.

Tim called later, and he was not happy with my reaction. We're all aware that I would rather not exist (which starts a whole tangle, since I stay here to take care of others), and my response to various medical issues is highly indicative of that. I tried to watch some Netflix after, eventually landed back on Community, but wasn't really paying attention to that either. I smoked a fuckton, saw one of my Raw Garden carts broke, drank several cocktails, but never felt anything more than fuzzy. Cool I won't have a hangover tomorrow?

I sank a bit. Not like....my usual beating against walls of continued living, just dipped under the waves a few times. I listened to Take My Time, and in spite of the lyrics, found that helpful. Then Eat Yourself by Goldfrapp popped into my head. Again, despite the lyrics, it served as my floaty.

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