Walkies

[thepnutgallery]

I woke up *late.* Like...around noon. I was up late last night...apparently my post happened around 2 am and I was still awake. My post had resonated with some folks and concerned others. Tim called me, both to invite me to walk the pups with Tootie, and to ask about the post. I agreed right then to go, because I fucking know myself. A few other friends had messaged me, including Jose who wondered if I was saying I wanted to kill myself. I'm pretty open about wanting out, despite my meds. I dunno what that says about me. All day I kept thinking about passive suicide, though. Like...I could just stop taking my meds, and I'd be done.

When I finally got to the computer, I saw my glass shattered on the floor. On the one hand, it might have been Lady Miss Friday and I have no recollection of it breaking. On the other, she's never done that before. Baxter made a post about favorite Avengers, and while I haven't followed comics for many years, I vaguely recalled reading some comic where Scarlet Witch pulls a me on someone. I'm sort of wondering if it wasn't the same writer/artist duo that did the same thing with Blink.

Tim texted me in the afternoon, asking me to come early for dog walks. We met up at Liberty Station (eventually, bc I couldn't find the place). I'm in a space where Pupple being happy to see me made my eyes water. Fucking worthless emotions. Can't I have them amputated? It did occur to me at some point that I'm holding myself responsible for my own mental health issues. UGH you want to die? Just...don't!

Tootie had baked a cobbler using just cake mix, peaches, and cobbler. They invited us to pick up some on the way home, but I was very ready to say Fuck The World ( not the way I used to) and just collapse next to Lady Miss Friday. Thankfully, before the situation could get awkward, Tim jumped in to pick it up and I went home.