Semiplomacy

[thepnutgallery]

Up in plenty of time for work, though my connection was still straight up hideously slow. Kathy just called me over the phone for my meeting, and it was....good? I guess a side effect of the distancing is both physical and emotional. Like...she asked how I was doing *personally* and I stumbled. Part is that even talking about my life requires either a level of transparency we haven't reached, and part is the actual distance. I managed to talk *around* a lot of things, and when she asked if I still wanted to work on side projects and the like (SOC/SOF, learn to be a real lawyer, etc), I apparently gave her some profoundness in mentioning that falling down as hard as I did rejuvenated my fire to stand on my own.

No updates on my vaporizer, so I reluctantly put in another order with Speedy Weedy. A Plug'n Play cartridge, RSO, and pills. I felt weird placing the order, but if I'm going to use, THC is a lot better than my other options. I tried to subtly mention dabtabs to the driver, hoping they start stocking it, but he was dismissive.

I posted Calvin Harris's "Promises" in the morning. I meant to do it forever ago, and in posting it, I took another step towards complete openness. In the evening, I heard a song by Current Joys called 'A Different Age." I listened over and over, and maybe it was the weed, but it felt...different. Different enough that I jumped out of my own guidelines and actually posted for a second time to the group. At some point, I felt it pulling me towards the edge of the cliff, so I went back to listening to Skinshape's "Take My Time." And I managed to contribute to the Gabe Treatment group, so go me!

I posted about Lady Miss Friday in the evening...1)I take a million pics and don't post them bc they're all the same, 2) people need a break, and 3) as I was updating, it occurred to me that folks have no idea about my current mental status. Honestly just looking at the picture gave me the kind of boost above the waves always does.

I also shared a news story about Bezos being set to become the first trillionaire. Somewhat interesting psychological points...I wonder if there are stages to it, like grief. Credibility, disbelief.....and eventually, callousness. "Okay, fine, Company really is behind this genocide, but I LOVE PRODUCT." On that same thread, Rob Broder commented in agreement (he often does, on such vital issues such as Catwoman, and I should pay more attenton to him). Another Friend started on that "Leave!" track conservatives love. I was stoned and drunk enough that my claws came out, but not so drunk that I used him for a punching bag. Actually, I'm fairly proud of myself for just shutting things down instead of breathing fire.

Most surprising of all, Marty messaged me. I met him at a meth dealers house, the first time I ever took G, even unwittingly. Marty and I used again a couple times, and it was red flag enough that I drank with it trying to "get there" to scare me away. I've always struggled with the line of melodrama vs walls. Am I not mentioning this because it hasn't really come up or because I'm trying to protect myself? Am I now mentioning it because it's the plain truth, or am I saying it to get attention? I gave him an honest answer sans details, just saying the last year had essentially a bunch of time bombs go off.

Comments

[npgmaverick]

Your comment of "Do Not." in response to the "Leave" comment was amazing.