Music and Weeds
May. 7th, 2020 07:22 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thepnutgalleryLMF woke me up around 3 for a midnight snack and some attention. At least I managed to get more water in me and keep it down. Managed to get back to sleep, but up in time for work. My tummy was grumbly again, but I managed to keep coffee down.
A post yesterday had asked for everyone's *FAVORITE* musical act or artist. Kelly is mine. I feel like I'm vaguely betraying my other musical loves, which pokes around a lot of issues, I think, but it's true. I did make sure to comment on various other folk's posts. One guy's was Fiona Apple, and of course I have A Lot Of Thoughts about her. He'd commented back over night, asking my favorite song by her and Friending me. Ultimately, it's probably "Not About Love" (Demo version), with so much of When the Pawn Hits the Conflicts He Thinks Like a King What He Knows Throws the Blows When He Goes to the Fight and He'll Win the Whole Thing 'fore He Enters the Ring There's No Body to Batter When Your Mind Is Your Might So When You Go Solo, You Hold Your Own Hand and Remember That Depth Is the Greatest of Heights and If You Know Where You Stand, Then You Know Where to Land and If You Fall It Won't Matter, Cuz You'll Know That You're Right so close behind. The conversation *FINALLY* got me to spend time listening to Fetch The Bolt Cutters. I caught several songs I really liked, and then the playlist randomly swung back to Tidal, and it turns out I also dig "Pale September." Then it moved on to yet another album I like by some band called "Skinshape."
Even though I wasn't terribly physically randy, my brain was definitely on naked boys. In particular, I found myself thinking about Julian, and that pic I took of his butt after our 3 way with Peter. I don't even remember the result, but knowing me, I probably fucked him that night. I went digging through my old Google Photos hoping to find it, but it was gone. I found myself looking instead at some old pics Hugo sent me. Then I saw Justin's profile pop online, though I didn't message him. Ultimately, it led me to the same swamp of thoughts in my head, hopelessly confused over boys and what I even want.
I managed to focus on Community for a bit, then got sucked back into music. Also beat off on the couch, but stupidly didn't record it. I heard the Royksopp remix of "In This Shirt," which was stellar. But somehow I trailed off reading old journal entries and wishing suicide was easier to accomplish without fucking up so many other people's lives.
A post yesterday had asked for everyone's *FAVORITE* musical act or artist. Kelly is mine. I feel like I'm vaguely betraying my other musical loves, which pokes around a lot of issues, I think, but it's true. I did make sure to comment on various other folk's posts. One guy's was Fiona Apple, and of course I have A Lot Of Thoughts about her. He'd commented back over night, asking my favorite song by her and Friending me. Ultimately, it's probably "Not About Love" (Demo version), with so much of When the Pawn Hits the Conflicts He Thinks Like a King What He Knows Throws the Blows When He Goes to the Fight and He'll Win the Whole Thing 'fore He Enters the Ring There's No Body to Batter When Your Mind Is Your Might So When You Go Solo, You Hold Your Own Hand and Remember That Depth Is the Greatest of Heights and If You Know Where You Stand, Then You Know Where to Land and If You Fall It Won't Matter, Cuz You'll Know That You're Right so close behind. The conversation *FINALLY* got me to spend time listening to Fetch The Bolt Cutters. I caught several songs I really liked, and then the playlist randomly swung back to Tidal, and it turns out I also dig "Pale September." Then it moved on to yet another album I like by some band called "Skinshape."
Even though I wasn't terribly physically randy, my brain was definitely on naked boys. In particular, I found myself thinking about Julian, and that pic I took of his butt after our 3 way with Peter. I don't even remember the result, but knowing me, I probably fucked him that night. I went digging through my old Google Photos hoping to find it, but it was gone. I found myself looking instead at some old pics Hugo sent me. Then I saw Justin's profile pop online, though I didn't message him. Ultimately, it led me to the same swamp of thoughts in my head, hopelessly confused over boys and what I even want.
I managed to focus on Community for a bit, then got sucked back into music. Also beat off on the couch, but stupidly didn't record it. I heard the Royksopp remix of "In This Shirt," which was stellar. But somehow I trailed off reading old journal entries and wishing suicide was easier to accomplish without fucking up so many other people's lives.
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