The Knot Dot Com
Oct. 12th, 2017 03:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thepnutgalleryJio messaged me in the morning, checking that we were still on for the evening. I thought about it, because I'm not 100% yet, and I'm not sure how contagious I'd be. But I left that up to him. A little cold doesn't scare him at all.
Lady Miss Friday was really affectionate at home, but I showered, cleaned up the place, made my bed. Jio texted that Michael wanted in afterall, and could they push it back to 6:30ish. YAY! My experiences have given me a complex about playing with just one part of a couple.
Unfortunately, showering didn't go well. Water was clear, but my stomach was upset. I just couldn't relax. They arrived via Uber, so I shouldn't have saved my spot for them afterall, we had a couple drinks before we got naked. My dick worked for about 5 seconds. They seemed okay with me being the party bottom, though, and took turns fucking me before DPing me. I stopped to piss at one point and had a hard time letting go for that, too, so I imagine I just had a hard time letting go of something. The boys both came from DPing me, I bid them goodnight.
Gave Hover a chip - he's absolutely ragged at this point - and went to bed early. I should have been fine, particularly as I've been using sex as coping mechanism/stress reliever. Instead I spent the next 3 hours fighting a pulsing knot of rage in my chest. The same knot I fought when Tim cheated on me. Literally, actually internally screaming. Screaming at Warren instead of just telling him to go. Screaming at Brandon instead of saying I wasn't mad. Screaming and vomiting all over myself for not screaming at the time. For not anticipating this and addressing it sooner/better. I don't even know what I should have done, what I should have said. I just should have done something different.
I finally took a sleeping pill a little after midnight or so and that seemed to help.
Lady Miss Friday was really affectionate at home, but I showered, cleaned up the place, made my bed. Jio texted that Michael wanted in afterall, and could they push it back to 6:30ish. YAY! My experiences have given me a complex about playing with just one part of a couple.
Unfortunately, showering didn't go well. Water was clear, but my stomach was upset. I just couldn't relax. They arrived via Uber, so I shouldn't have saved my spot for them afterall, we had a couple drinks before we got naked. My dick worked for about 5 seconds. They seemed okay with me being the party bottom, though, and took turns fucking me before DPing me. I stopped to piss at one point and had a hard time letting go for that, too, so I imagine I just had a hard time letting go of something. The boys both came from DPing me, I bid them goodnight.
Gave Hover a chip - he's absolutely ragged at this point - and went to bed early. I should have been fine, particularly as I've been using sex as coping mechanism/stress reliever. Instead I spent the next 3 hours fighting a pulsing knot of rage in my chest. The same knot I fought when Tim cheated on me. Literally, actually internally screaming. Screaming at Warren instead of just telling him to go. Screaming at Brandon instead of saying I wasn't mad. Screaming and vomiting all over myself for not screaming at the time. For not anticipating this and addressing it sooner/better. I don't even know what I should have done, what I should have said. I just should have done something different.
I finally took a sleeping pill a little after midnight or so and that seemed to help.
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