Left Hook

[thepnutgallery]

The melatonin might be doing too good of a job of making me sleep. Or I might be short on vitamins again. Dunno, but I've been tired the last couple days. I decided not to take it before bed, and I woke up to the neighbors arguing(?) in the middle of the night, as well as one other time. Not too terribly difficult getting back to sleep, so maybe I should do the every other day pill? LMF was particularly affectionate as I was trying to get up for work.

Julian sent me a long message via FB. It's honestly a lot of what he's said in the past - a lot of things were his fault, but here's all the things that were my fault. I don't communicate, I threw him into the world of parties and booze. He seemed to think I'd blocked him, which doesn't make sense..but then, he was probably drunk when he defriended me. It didn't immediately register as my having read it, so at least I had time to think.

Eliot messaged me just as I was leaving work - he'd been edging for 3 hours, wants one of my fleshlights. I don't use them often enough to have one, much less two, so he's welcome to them. I don't think that's what he wanted to use, though. Hit the gym, stopped at the store. Tim came by with Pupple - his boat has stopped leaking for now. He estimates he's got about 2 months, which is not enough time to get a loan, but is enough time for him to beg for money. Or something. He gave Hover chip fragments, watched me watch him, and held Lady Miss Friday - she's less purry with him now, but still lets him do anything he wants.

My mom called, but I wasn't up to talking. I finally responded to Julian, had two drinks, kicked Tim out and crashed.





"Not sure if you blocked me and will get this message...but being sober for a while (thank you mother and her rules) I would like to say, a lot of what happened between us was my fault. I was untwisted into your scene. Thrown into something I was unaware and prepared. Alcohol and drugs didn't help it and neither did us not taking about that type of life style....plus my over suspicion of my personality didn't help. But what also didn't help our relationship is that you refused to talk about it and set a foundation. I was fine with what you did but the way you portrayed yourself as having no boundaries scared me and you not talking, made it worse. Hence the vicious arguments we had. I'm not one to back down but it's my own undoing but I feel it's my own protection. I really did love you and everything I knew about you, I tired to accept but the problem was that there was no commutation on your side, it was always go go go. I felt like I had no chance. I am very grateful for all that you all done. And I will pay you back. I manage a grocery store here in ARKANSAS. Life is calm and good. I hope the same for you. I heard about mousey and I'm deeply sorry for your lose. You have no need to reply but consider our different interpretations of a relationship was different that lead to such a bad break up. Honesty I have no further need to consider you a friend but I won't forget what you did and what I owe but that's it. You did cause me a lot of pain and heart break. Which I'm sure I did the same in my own way. But I'm the kinda if person that if you piss a German off your gonna get their attitude. You should know that. I'll be sending money orders to you here soon. Just need your address."

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[npgmaverick.livejournal.com]

"So, in closing, sorry about all the things I did which were entirely your fault."