Something Has Changed Within Me

[thepnutgallery]

Stayed a little late at work, hit the gym, realized I hadn't actually scheduled the shoot for the next day. I didn't make it out anywhere, but I did message Patrick. Patrick and I chatted a long time ago, when he was still with a partner.We didn't get around to hooking up until after they'd broken up, and then he got weird. I'd text him and he'd be dismissive, but then hit me up for a hookup, but only Right Now. I started dating Julian before things got terrible, and he got another boyfriend for a while, too. Then he messaged me randomly a few weeks ago. I'm happy to fuck him again, I suppose. Once I start fucking again. It's definitely not the Julian-shaped specter in my life that's causing me to avoid sex, though I think that contributes. But thankfully, every time I start looking at old pics from the Red Dress Party, or remembering fucking him, I also remember cleaning my dick off all the damn time, and him screaming at me for no reason, etc. And since it's been so long since I've seen Schmerber, it's also not that lightning scar glowing. I'll get back to it soon enough.

Patrick was watching a movie, but offered no other details. I'd just started watching Tallulah, because I like Ellen Page and Allison Janey, but I ended up fast forwarding through most of it. There were really excellent performances from everyone involved, but it was still melodrama. And it didn't so much end as it sort of stopped.