Maybe Not So Better
Apr. 24th, 2013 08:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thepnutgalleryHad a *great* workout at the gym - tons of crunches, bicep curls, chest work, and a brief stint on the elliptical on high resistance, since their leg machine was broken.
Tom wanted to meet me for drinks, to say "thank you" for all the support I'd given him. I picked him up at his friend's place, and we went to PECS. I want to drink less, because that's about all I can think of to help me get into porn star shape. The talk with Tom was typical Tom talk, if much more lucid than usual. About in the middle of our discussion, Jonathan the costume designer from one of my recent shoots came up to me and showed me instagram pics of me that had been posted. I'm upset that I've not heard anything from the photographer, but he's posting stuff. Tom was upset that Jonathan didn't immediately acknowledge him. He doesn't like fat people (or as he calls them, The Round). Throughout our conversation, I got the distinct impression he wanted to fuck me. Him talking about his raging libido, crisscrossing our legs together, and recalling fondly the time we did fuck. I didn't really want to fuck him, but I'm glad I had the time to think about it. Mmmmmikey wandered in just as we were getting ready to leave. I actually want to fuck Mikey, again, so I got Tom home as fast as possible. He asked me in, showed me various paintings and things, nuzzled me, whipped his dick out, then said he didn't want to fuck, because friendship. These are, of course, not at all mutually exclusive things, but since I wasn't wild about fucking him in the first place, I left. I texted Mikey, saying it was a great surprise to see him. He said "you too!" and I let it drop.
I sort of wanted to go out, but was weirdly tired and not at the same time. Stevin started chatting me up on FB, and eventually made a comment about being on A4A. I hopped on, though he wasn't on yet. I got hit up by a couple, and by a guy from Grindr. The Grindr guy made his play first, and said he would be here in 12 min. RUSHED to get cleaned up, didn't have time to clean my room. He seemed a little offput, but didn't bolt. He never kissed me. He jacked me off while I was riding him, and I came. At least I shot his face. He came not long after. We chatted briefly before he left.
I hoped, having just cum, that I would be able to go to sleep easier. Instead, the same festering pit of shame and rage that I'd been dealing with lately started pulsing. I imagined screaming arguments with Tim, I imagined beating the living fuck out of Will, because it wouldn't do to kill him - that would let him off too easy. I recognized, in the back of my head, that I was shifting anger from me and Tim to Will, but rationalized it that he was supposed to be my friend. That really, Tim had lots of ulterior motives for cheating, but Will knew we were monogamous, and just didn't care. See, I'm even a lawyer in the throes of passion. I really don't even know how long I tossed and turned, but I checked my phone at 4.
Tom wanted to meet me for drinks, to say "thank you" for all the support I'd given him. I picked him up at his friend's place, and we went to PECS. I want to drink less, because that's about all I can think of to help me get into porn star shape. The talk with Tom was typical Tom talk, if much more lucid than usual. About in the middle of our discussion, Jonathan the costume designer from one of my recent shoots came up to me and showed me instagram pics of me that had been posted. I'm upset that I've not heard anything from the photographer, but he's posting stuff. Tom was upset that Jonathan didn't immediately acknowledge him. He doesn't like fat people (or as he calls them, The Round). Throughout our conversation, I got the distinct impression he wanted to fuck me. Him talking about his raging libido, crisscrossing our legs together, and recalling fondly the time we did fuck. I didn't really want to fuck him, but I'm glad I had the time to think about it. Mmmmmikey wandered in just as we were getting ready to leave. I actually want to fuck Mikey, again, so I got Tom home as fast as possible. He asked me in, showed me various paintings and things, nuzzled me, whipped his dick out, then said he didn't want to fuck, because friendship. These are, of course, not at all mutually exclusive things, but since I wasn't wild about fucking him in the first place, I left. I texted Mikey, saying it was a great surprise to see him. He said "you too!" and I let it drop.
I sort of wanted to go out, but was weirdly tired and not at the same time. Stevin started chatting me up on FB, and eventually made a comment about being on A4A. I hopped on, though he wasn't on yet. I got hit up by a couple, and by a guy from Grindr. The Grindr guy made his play first, and said he would be here in 12 min. RUSHED to get cleaned up, didn't have time to clean my room. He seemed a little offput, but didn't bolt. He never kissed me. He jacked me off while I was riding him, and I came. At least I shot his face. He came not long after. We chatted briefly before he left.
I hoped, having just cum, that I would be able to go to sleep easier. Instead, the same festering pit of shame and rage that I'd been dealing with lately started pulsing. I imagined screaming arguments with Tim, I imagined beating the living fuck out of Will, because it wouldn't do to kill him - that would let him off too easy. I recognized, in the back of my head, that I was shifting anger from me and Tim to Will, but rationalized it that he was supposed to be my friend. That really, Tim had lots of ulterior motives for cheating, but Will knew we were monogamous, and just didn't care. See, I'm even a lawyer in the throes of passion. I really don't even know how long I tossed and turned, but I checked my phone at 4.
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