All Better
Apr. 23rd, 2013 12:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thepnutgalleryGot woken up just before 4:30. Because of the time, I couldn't tell if it was by a drunk girl or someone coming or going to work. I watched some porn, jerked off and came in spite of myself, and laid back down. Not for long, though, as Tim texted me. He basically needed to renew his contract with the port of SD, since he'd pushed it off so many times, and needed the credit card originally used. That meant me. God only knows why, but I got cleaned up, fixed up the apartment a bit, and put on my Big Boy Clothes. Well, the Big Boy Clothes were to look a little more professional when I told the people that the name on the credit card didn't match the account. They were really very nice, and the whole trip only took about an hour.
Tim asked if he could get some ibuprofen & coffee, which really meant "can I come up and chat." Sure. I can't for the life of me remember the exact phrase, but he said something that left something about "cheating" unspoken, and I went ahead and said it. I told him how angry I was that I'm helping someone who cuckolded me instead of destroying them, how to anyone outside looking in, there's really no other way to see it than as a chump. He got defensive. Said it was a long time ago (and?), said he didn't think it was even possible to cheat on me. I just sat seething and staring at him after that. And staring. And seething. He kept talking for a while longer, finally apologizing for cheating and saying that he didn't want to leave my life but he would if he needed to. He even teared up. I still hadn't said anything, and he asked me to speak. I said, quite truthfully, that the two months I spent not talking to him were very difficult, and that I don't know what to do.
We left it at that, and moved to the couch. He talked about his boat, I got lost in my thoughts thinking about Will again, and declined to enlighten him when he asked where I'd gone. He talked more about having put so much into his boat, and sometimes you give and give to something and just have to have faith that it will be worth it in the end. He was speaking generally enough, and his eyes had started watering again, so I knew before he said anything that he was talking about him and his boat. I couldn't take it anymore and we embraced. It felt so so so so good to be near him again. To smell him and hold him. We laid together for a while - we mentioned some non-Will related concerns we had. He doesn't want to occupy a space in my life that could go to someone who will treat me well, and doesn't want to give the impression we're getting back together. I've worried about the former myself, but not the latter. We broke up because I'm always going to be murderous over him cheating on me, and if we stayed together, I'd eventually make good on it. I finally moved us to my bed, and he seemed eager enough. We laid together, and he dozed for a bit, until his phone woke him. He said he needed to get going, but made no move to get up. We fucked, and it was nice. I even came for him, though he's never cared about my cumming, and I really shouldn't have.
He took the naan and ice cream I keep for him with him, since money is tight until his next unemployment check comes. Chip had just sent me a new Whole Foods card. I don't buy much at WF, so I offered to buy him some groceries with it. Chip worried in his last email if Tim's need for help and my need to be helpful was dysfunctional. I don't know. $35 later, Tim has food to last him until his next check.
I had some groceries of my own to get after he left, and then laid down for a nap. Woke up to several texts, including one from Todd, asking if we were still on for dinner. His place, 7:30. I got cleaned up, picked up some wine and dessert, because I didn't know what else to bring. He wasn't quite ready when I got there, and then said we were going to Martini's. Oh...ok. Never mind the bag of stuff I brought....we walked over, him talking about various tricks he'd had. Just as we got to Martini's, he mentioned that a friend of his was having a birthday celebration there later, so he figured we could eat, then he could stay for that. Glad I'm convenient. He mentioned a guy he met last week that he was interested in, and then said guy called and he got up and talked for 10 minutes. Martini's has changed their menu - although it says "vegetarian, vegan, and GF options available upon request," our server had no idea. I ordered the bruschetta without cheese and a vodka & diet, but found myself completely without appetite. I mostly listened to Todd talk, though towards the end he mentioned he wanted me 1) to eat the untouched bruschetta in front of me, and 2) to talk some about me. I briefly mentioned the ordeal with Tim, but not us fucking.
His friend hadn't shown up yet, so he left me at the front door and made a loop to say hello/goodbye to all his friends. We walked back to his place, then I got in my car and went home. In spite of my nap, I was tired. Woody messaged me on Facebook, though, and it's been months since I've seen him. We had a great time. In between fucking, he asked what was wrong, and I told him what I could. He says I'm better off without Tim as a boyfriend, and he's right. I came for him, since he was nice enough to let me rim him. I almost thought about spending the night, but an awkward morning after, and a lack of sleeping pills made me think otherwise.
Other than the time with Todd, which can be explained by his having been through a recent breakup, and needing to be more self-centered, it was the best day I've had in weeks.
Tim asked if he could get some ibuprofen & coffee, which really meant "can I come up and chat." Sure. I can't for the life of me remember the exact phrase, but he said something that left something about "cheating" unspoken, and I went ahead and said it. I told him how angry I was that I'm helping someone who cuckolded me instead of destroying them, how to anyone outside looking in, there's really no other way to see it than as a chump. He got defensive. Said it was a long time ago (and?), said he didn't think it was even possible to cheat on me. I just sat seething and staring at him after that. And staring. And seething. He kept talking for a while longer, finally apologizing for cheating and saying that he didn't want to leave my life but he would if he needed to. He even teared up. I still hadn't said anything, and he asked me to speak. I said, quite truthfully, that the two months I spent not talking to him were very difficult, and that I don't know what to do.
We left it at that, and moved to the couch. He talked about his boat, I got lost in my thoughts thinking about Will again, and declined to enlighten him when he asked where I'd gone. He talked more about having put so much into his boat, and sometimes you give and give to something and just have to have faith that it will be worth it in the end. He was speaking generally enough, and his eyes had started watering again, so I knew before he said anything that he was talking about him and his boat. I couldn't take it anymore and we embraced. It felt so so so so good to be near him again. To smell him and hold him. We laid together for a while - we mentioned some non-Will related concerns we had. He doesn't want to occupy a space in my life that could go to someone who will treat me well, and doesn't want to give the impression we're getting back together. I've worried about the former myself, but not the latter. We broke up because I'm always going to be murderous over him cheating on me, and if we stayed together, I'd eventually make good on it. I finally moved us to my bed, and he seemed eager enough. We laid together, and he dozed for a bit, until his phone woke him. He said he needed to get going, but made no move to get up. We fucked, and it was nice. I even came for him, though he's never cared about my cumming, and I really shouldn't have.
He took the naan and ice cream I keep for him with him, since money is tight until his next unemployment check comes. Chip had just sent me a new Whole Foods card. I don't buy much at WF, so I offered to buy him some groceries with it. Chip worried in his last email if Tim's need for help and my need to be helpful was dysfunctional. I don't know. $35 later, Tim has food to last him until his next check.
I had some groceries of my own to get after he left, and then laid down for a nap. Woke up to several texts, including one from Todd, asking if we were still on for dinner. His place, 7:30. I got cleaned up, picked up some wine and dessert, because I didn't know what else to bring. He wasn't quite ready when I got there, and then said we were going to Martini's. Oh...ok. Never mind the bag of stuff I brought....we walked over, him talking about various tricks he'd had. Just as we got to Martini's, he mentioned that a friend of his was having a birthday celebration there later, so he figured we could eat, then he could stay for that. Glad I'm convenient. He mentioned a guy he met last week that he was interested in, and then said guy called and he got up and talked for 10 minutes. Martini's has changed their menu - although it says "vegetarian, vegan, and GF options available upon request," our server had no idea. I ordered the bruschetta without cheese and a vodka & diet, but found myself completely without appetite. I mostly listened to Todd talk, though towards the end he mentioned he wanted me 1) to eat the untouched bruschetta in front of me, and 2) to talk some about me. I briefly mentioned the ordeal with Tim, but not us fucking.
His friend hadn't shown up yet, so he left me at the front door and made a loop to say hello/goodbye to all his friends. We walked back to his place, then I got in my car and went home. In spite of my nap, I was tired. Woody messaged me on Facebook, though, and it's been months since I've seen him. We had a great time. In between fucking, he asked what was wrong, and I told him what I could. He says I'm better off without Tim as a boyfriend, and he's right. I came for him, since he was nice enough to let me rim him. I almost thought about spending the night, but an awkward morning after, and a lack of sleeping pills made me think otherwise.
Other than the time with Todd, which can be explained by his having been through a recent breakup, and needing to be more self-centered, it was the best day I've had in weeks.
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