Towering Inferno of Help
Apr. 21st, 2013 07:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thepnutgalleryWas much less hungover than I had any right to be for how much I'd had to drink. The email about the shoot said it wasn't porn, but you never know who you're going to meet at Black's, so I got cleaned up anyway. Terrence was one of the other co-models, and the last guy was a tall thin black gent by the name of Thad. We shot on the straight side of the beach, which was weird for me. A lot of the positions we shot in were somewhat physically demanding, the beach was much colder than it should have been for the sun being out, and I got burnt in spite of using sunscreen. Blah blah blah model problems. Towards the end of the shoot, we were doing solos. While Thad was shooting his, Terrence came and made out with me, then wanted me to finger him. He wasn't clean, and wasn't bothered. Ew. The other model, Thad, spoke cryptically and needed a ride home to Santee. We'd shot for about 4.5 hours. I dropped him off, then headed home to eat breakfast before going to pick Tim up from his new marina in Point Loma.
He really wanted me waiting there to see him pull in to the new marina. My recent grumpiness, the long shoot, and little sleep made a storm in my brain, but at least I figured some stuff out. I'm angry - livid with myself that I still feel for and help someone who cheated on me instead of letting his boat rot in the middle of the ocean and mounting his head on a pike in front of my apartment to serve as a warning to anyone who would dare try something like that.
Tootie, Mark, and Lulu were on the boat as well, and I agreed to take them for coffee before dropping them off in Coronado. I agreed because my negative emotions are mine, and therefore should not be anyone else's problem. I can't/won't put on a happy face, but I can behave like a normal human being. I occasionally peeked up from my angry cloud, but spent most of the night submerged in it. "Why Don't You Love Me" came on during the drive back, and Tootie and I sang along. I was apparently a little too into it, and Tim asked me to calm down.
Back at home, I again didn't feel like doing anything. Anything at all. But I ate some pasta and had a couple cocktails before taking a sleeping pill.
He really wanted me waiting there to see him pull in to the new marina. My recent grumpiness, the long shoot, and little sleep made a storm in my brain, but at least I figured some stuff out. I'm angry - livid with myself that I still feel for and help someone who cheated on me instead of letting his boat rot in the middle of the ocean and mounting his head on a pike in front of my apartment to serve as a warning to anyone who would dare try something like that.
Tootie, Mark, and Lulu were on the boat as well, and I agreed to take them for coffee before dropping them off in Coronado. I agreed because my negative emotions are mine, and therefore should not be anyone else's problem. I can't/won't put on a happy face, but I can behave like a normal human being. I occasionally peeked up from my angry cloud, but spent most of the night submerged in it. "Why Don't You Love Me" came on during the drive back, and Tootie and I sang along. I was apparently a little too into it, and Tim asked me to calm down.
Back at home, I again didn't feel like doing anything. Anything at all. But I ate some pasta and had a couple cocktails before taking a sleeping pill.
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}