Ugh

[thepnutgallery]

Jumped out of bed, ready to take on the day. Browsed jobs on craiglist and usajobs before planning to go to the gym....and promptly laying down when my brand new Despair Backpack landed on me. I didn't want to eat, or drink, or move, or sleep. Well, maybe sleep, but then what? Oh, and I saw Tim online. Some guys hit me up online, and then on Scruff, refusing to take "I don't feel like hooking up" for an answer. Spent a couple hours snuggled under my angst, then finally dragged myself out to the gym. It was a good workout, and it helped, but I didn't finish. My fingers brushed against the Cyril Hahn remix of "Say My Name" towards the end. I listened to it and left.

Willpower is only a finite resource if you let it be, and I'd been pretty good about not letting it be, but then I wasn't, and I bought everything in Trader Joe's, even the signs. Okay, I bought a thing of "meatballs" and chocolate covered crabfaces bananas, but it felt like diving into a pool of ice cream. I was scheduled to hook up with Jim, from the night before, at 6. Tim texted me at 5:30, with a link to Young Frankenstein saying "Give my creation life!" I rightly assumed this meant his engines were working, but he didn't respond when I asked him if he was going to need a ride to the new marina tonight or tomorrow.

I ended up getting to Jim's place at 6:30, but I'd kept in touch with him prior. He's an attractive man, pours a strong drink, and talks *a lot.* He's also a great lay, and has a good fucking song mix. Even replayed the song I liked when I asked about it. Actually, we went through the playlist several times. It was about 7 when we started fucking, and about 11:30 when we stopped. Maybe there was G in my drink? I didn't taste any. He did keep asking me to cum in him, I kept explaining that it wouldn't be a good idea, and he said he wanted to "see my dark side." No. It's mine. And if I came, I would just grab my stuff and go. I only thought about Tim about half the time I was there. There was still no text from him when I got done, but there was a missed call from Keith Barton, and a text from Big Eric. I texted both back - Big Eric was in bed, Keith called at 12:15 to ask if he could come over. Ok.

He didn't get there until 1:40, which is insane, but since he's probably going to be departing my life soon, I felt like I should wait. Even more than usual, he told me how much he loved me, asked if I really loved him, too. And asked about places I'd move with him to. I think he wanted to spend the night, and it was after 3:30 by the time he left.