Not As Big As I Thought
Jul. 12th, 2007 07:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thepnutgalleryThis post is a bit anti-climactic. I had my last desk shift at APA on Monday, which went smoothly, and Ana even agreed to close for me so I could leave early. Monday felt very much like something to get out of the way, and so did the bulk of Tuesday, come to think of it, but all of that is just because of the anticipation surrounding Tuesday night. I had talked to Ken about it, and he was kind enough to print up Fragilay signs on pink paper and wear one with me to the premier of Jammin on the 1 on WSOPC. Everyone had a good laugh over it, which had kind of worried me...my sense of humor is not always on the same page as other peoples. I'd had a drink with dinner, and had another drink or two during the show, kicking back, having a good time....I had a much stronger drink after the show, as the floor kind of dropped out beneath me with the results...I even hugged Aimee, much to our mutual surprise. There are large chunks of the evening I don't remember upon arriving back at Ken's, but one of the last things I do remember is telling him I still wanted to move in this summer, even though I didn't have to now.....scaryscary, but right at this exact moment, it feels right.
Yesterday I had lunch with Anthony: caught up on his trip, and talked about a couple other things, some old, some new. It was a pretty private conversation, but the end result is that I won't be moving in with Ken just yet. I was a little bummed about this when I first made the decision to hold, but now it's fine - just a while longer in this weird in-between place. To be completely rational, our relationship is still very new, and has been, until recently, somewhat volatile, so putting off such a huge step for a little while isn't necessarily a bad thing.
One other thing about our conversation was that I needed to remind him AGAIN of the difference between a committed relationship and a monogamous one....if anyone else happened to need that reminder, it's there for them, too.
The other thing I had been going to do yesterday was hook up outside the relationship, just to get it out of the way (on my end), but I wasn't really thrilled about any of the prospects that hit me up, and by the time someone did, it was too late in the day. I'm not bummed about this at all, as I don't really want to force it...I know it'll happen, I just don't know when. At the same time, of course, I don't want to wait so long that it becomes some kind of flood-gate....Ken and I talked about frequency yesterday, and didn't really come up with anything, even a guideline, for how often is too often. I was a little bothered, because he also mentioned 3-ways, and the frequency thereof, and I was unaware that there even might be a problem with those.....Actually, one of the prospects from yesterday might well be a third for me and Ken sometime soon, which I think would be just lovely. That would be the first group situation where I brought in the third.....
Just to end on a completely positive note: people have been telling me lately that I look like I've lost some weight, so I finally weighed myself on Tuesday.....139......13fucking9!!!! I was ecstatic...I never thought that I would ever weigh that little in my adult life, ever, and I'm not even trying! Weirdly enough, yesterday and today I've felt very fat, and I keep telling myself that people who weigh 139 are not allowed to feel fat, but there it is, nonetheless. Whatev.
Yesterday I had lunch with Anthony: caught up on his trip, and talked about a couple other things, some old, some new. It was a pretty private conversation, but the end result is that I won't be moving in with Ken just yet. I was a little bummed about this when I first made the decision to hold, but now it's fine - just a while longer in this weird in-between place. To be completely rational, our relationship is still very new, and has been, until recently, somewhat volatile, so putting off such a huge step for a little while isn't necessarily a bad thing.
One other thing about our conversation was that I needed to remind him AGAIN of the difference between a committed relationship and a monogamous one....if anyone else happened to need that reminder, it's there for them, too.
The other thing I had been going to do yesterday was hook up outside the relationship, just to get it out of the way (on my end), but I wasn't really thrilled about any of the prospects that hit me up, and by the time someone did, it was too late in the day. I'm not bummed about this at all, as I don't really want to force it...I know it'll happen, I just don't know when. At the same time, of course, I don't want to wait so long that it becomes some kind of flood-gate....Ken and I talked about frequency yesterday, and didn't really come up with anything, even a guideline, for how often is too often. I was a little bothered, because he also mentioned 3-ways, and the frequency thereof, and I was unaware that there even might be a problem with those.....Actually, one of the prospects from yesterday might well be a third for me and Ken sometime soon, which I think would be just lovely. That would be the first group situation where I brought in the third.....
Just to end on a completely positive note: people have been telling me lately that I look like I've lost some weight, so I finally weighed myself on Tuesday.....139......13fucking9!!!! I was ecstatic...I never thought that I would ever weigh that little in my adult life, ever, and I'm not even trying! Weirdly enough, yesterday and today I've felt very fat, and I keep telling myself that people who weigh 139 are not allowed to feel fat, but there it is, nonetheless. Whatev.
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