Grah

[thepnutgallery]

Eyes snapped open at 3:30. I did finally manage to get back to sleep around 4:30, though, so not as bad. There were meetings of some sort happening all day long, so there wasn't much work to do. Good thing, really, because things had gotten kind of backed up. Now having the extra time, I decided to try to fill in some blanks in my journal, which involves going through old text messages. Started reading Tim threads, both because I have the most contact with him, and because I'm a wallower. It was good and bad. On the plus side - I don't feel like I'm at all in the wrong for being apparently more invested than him. Either he was and is no longer (happens), or he never was, but acted like it. On the down side, he does or did care for me, we had great witty repartee, and I almost texted him.

There was a gangbang in Mission Valley, starting at 6. Gangbangs aren't usually my thing, but this had 60 people rsvp'd, so I'm imagining that there would be some play among the participants, as well. Started getting ready, but it wasn't happening. 2.5 hours of not happening. Tim logged on around 7:30 via mobile, presumably to check the details. I don't know that I would have been ready to see him anyway, so maybe this is good. Maybe, as knowing he's at a gangbang that I can't attend is only marignally better than being there, too, if at all.

I couldn't even drink away my damn sorrows, as that wasn't agreeing with me, either. Even though I wasn't randy, I finally jacked off and went to bed at 10:30. Laying down, I am grateful I've gone through this before. Continuing to think, it seems to get worse every time, though.