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thepnutgalleryGot a text from Tim in the morning, which was surprising, and he asked to come over. He has a reprieve, of sorts, until Wednesday. He told the phone company he was expecting a payment...he is, but it's not going to them. He also wanted me to buy some boat fixins for him. OK, that I'll do. For some reason, he started talking about my scars, and how he wasn't sure what he would do if I started cutting again. Let's not discuss that. We took my car, since he has no money for fuel, either. I felt very butch, walking into Home Depot....right up until I heard Mariah Carey's "Emotions" blasting over the loudspeakers and started lip synching. Oh, so butch. The boat fixins came out to about $20, and then I stopped at Ross to get some new Big Boy clothes. My ties have grown in length, my belt is broken, and I really have just one good pair of pants. Bought 2 ties, a belt, and a pair of pants for $40.
Back home, he was going to just hop in his car, but I couldn't stop kissing him goodbye. We fucked, and I felt much better. More me, able to move on, though he came and I didn't, so I would have felt bad hooking up after that. I don't really care if he's an addiction - for right now, it's easier to deal with the addiction than the withdrawls.
I went grocery shopping after he left; was just going to get milk, lettuce, maybe bread. But I'd just gotten my fix, so I floated through TJ's and bought mini-ice cream cones, garlic naan, and simmer masala sauce so that he'd have stuff when he came over.
SDYP's game day was at 1, I was kinda tired, and I kinda wanted to be around friends. I texted FHA - he was busy that night, but free now, so I went over there. We had a good discussion about boys and life and such. He was upset about last Sunday, but not terribly surprised. I apparently go in cycles with these things. David is still sending him mixed signals, and in conclusion, boys suck.
I decided to go ahead and stop in at the game day at Terry's place, and was pleasantly surprised to see Jack Degnan there. Everyone else took notice of the chemistry between us. Terry apologized for the holiday party. I hadn't actually noticed that we hadn't seen each other since then, but I was glad that it wasn't me.
I managed to nap briefly when I got home, which was very needed. Anthony Johnson was going to Bear Night at Spin, so I texted around to see who wanted to go. I went from a full car to just me and Richard Britton by the time I left. He got us in free, which was nice, so I went ahead and bought him a drink. $11 for a fucking single. The place was empty when we got there, but a decent amount of people did start showing up. The bears and the Club Kids don't really know what to make of each other. I love seeing the Club Kids - wild costumes, crazy make up, all sorts of drugs. It's funny that I can be around people who are high while I'm sober and be perfectly content, but being around drunk people requires drinking. I was having a fine time, but Richard wasn't feeling it, so we left for Rich's.
It was cold outside, so even though we only walked a block, we certainly didn't want any of the popsicles they were handing out. Big Eric, Leo, and Dax were already there, but Leo was waaasted. Actually, a lot of people were wasted. I saw two people being carried out, and one guy threw up over the rail into the VIP area. Big Eric wanted to have a party at his place, so we went back there. It was just me, him, Dax and Leo, though, so not really a party. His roommate, Anthony, happened to be home and online, and when I poked in to say hello, I saw Tim's name appear on the "who viewed you" tab. I had him say "hello" for me, though Tim declined to join us.
Anthony, Eric, and I stayed up for a few hours more, talking about relationships, attachment styles, and therapy. Anthony has a lot of the same issues I do. Big Eric is starting therapy at the Center, and wants me to as well. I'm open to it, I just don't think it will do any good. It was after 5, and we had Stephen's party the next day, so I called it a night. Didn't want to go home, though, so I slept in a corner of Big Eric's bed, he and Dax on the other side.
Back home, he was going to just hop in his car, but I couldn't stop kissing him goodbye. We fucked, and I felt much better. More me, able to move on, though he came and I didn't, so I would have felt bad hooking up after that. I don't really care if he's an addiction - for right now, it's easier to deal with the addiction than the withdrawls.
I went grocery shopping after he left; was just going to get milk, lettuce, maybe bread. But I'd just gotten my fix, so I floated through TJ's and bought mini-ice cream cones, garlic naan, and simmer masala sauce so that he'd have stuff when he came over.
SDYP's game day was at 1, I was kinda tired, and I kinda wanted to be around friends. I texted FHA - he was busy that night, but free now, so I went over there. We had a good discussion about boys and life and such. He was upset about last Sunday, but not terribly surprised. I apparently go in cycles with these things. David is still sending him mixed signals, and in conclusion, boys suck.
I decided to go ahead and stop in at the game day at Terry's place, and was pleasantly surprised to see Jack Degnan there. Everyone else took notice of the chemistry between us. Terry apologized for the holiday party. I hadn't actually noticed that we hadn't seen each other since then, but I was glad that it wasn't me.
I managed to nap briefly when I got home, which was very needed. Anthony Johnson was going to Bear Night at Spin, so I texted around to see who wanted to go. I went from a full car to just me and Richard Britton by the time I left. He got us in free, which was nice, so I went ahead and bought him a drink. $11 for a fucking single. The place was empty when we got there, but a decent amount of people did start showing up. The bears and the Club Kids don't really know what to make of each other. I love seeing the Club Kids - wild costumes, crazy make up, all sorts of drugs. It's funny that I can be around people who are high while I'm sober and be perfectly content, but being around drunk people requires drinking. I was having a fine time, but Richard wasn't feeling it, so we left for Rich's.
It was cold outside, so even though we only walked a block, we certainly didn't want any of the popsicles they were handing out. Big Eric, Leo, and Dax were already there, but Leo was waaasted. Actually, a lot of people were wasted. I saw two people being carried out, and one guy threw up over the rail into the VIP area. Big Eric wanted to have a party at his place, so we went back there. It was just me, him, Dax and Leo, though, so not really a party. His roommate, Anthony, happened to be home and online, and when I poked in to say hello, I saw Tim's name appear on the "who viewed you" tab. I had him say "hello" for me, though Tim declined to join us.
Anthony, Eric, and I stayed up for a few hours more, talking about relationships, attachment styles, and therapy. Anthony has a lot of the same issues I do. Big Eric is starting therapy at the Center, and wants me to as well. I'm open to it, I just don't think it will do any good. It was after 5, and we had Stephen's party the next day, so I called it a night. Didn't want to go home, though, so I slept in a corner of Big Eric's bed, he and Dax on the other side.
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