He’s Just Not That Into You
Dec. 27th, 2012 12:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thepnutgalleryHad a slightly easier time waking up, but was still very glad I didn’t have to cook anything. Work was slow in the morning, but picked up at noon and didn’t stop. I didn’t want to skip the gym, so I asked Erin to get the 4pm mail. I didn’t do any cardio, but I did a lot of ab and arm work. I’m frustrated with my workouts. I don’t seem to be getting anywhere, and I’m not even sure where I want to go. But doing something is better than doing nothing.
Michael Leeper texted me a “hello” around 4:50 – I had hoped this meant he was going to meet me for an early dinner, but he didn’t text back until 5:30, asking if 7 would be ok. I suppose so. I saw a post on FB that a body was found around 8th & Robinson. Texted Tim, just in case. He’s alive, just been working on his boat. OK. I decided to wear my Big Boy Clothes to dinner. Around 6:40, Michael texted that he was going to be about 10 min late, and he got there about 7:15. The place was PACKED. They said it would be about a 10 min wait, and we got sat around 7:40. Tim asked if I had any tamales left, because he was heading in to Hillcrest to check his mail. Yes, but I’m at dinner with Leeper.
Dinner was good. I learned some new things, even if I didn’t get any insight into the things I’m struggling with, or even touch on them, really. But I learned some things about Leeper, and very much enjoyed his company. Towards the end of dinner, Tim texted that he was still in HC. I thought about getting him some Lucky Lemongrass to go, but 1) I didn’t want to wait the extra time, and 2) visions of the boys he fucked over the weekend flitted in and jammed my wallet shut.
I made Tim some tamales, which he enjoyed with green salsa that’s too spicy for me. He still needs extra hands on the boat, and will need to hire people for it. I suggested interns, or teenagers around the marina. Tim was hesitant to lay on my bed, but finally did. My stomach wasn’t cooperating, so I couldn’t “seduce” him again, but maybe that’s for the best. I kept thinking about the line from No Doubt’s “Let’s End It On This” : You see it’s hard to face the addict that’s inside of me. I want to fill my gl(ass) up with you, constantly.”
Tim mentioned he’s ready to be friends with me – good friends, even; he wants what FHA has with me. Yeah, what FHA and I have has been 10 years in the making. He’s considered trying an open relationship, but even if I’m occasionally turned on by him fucking other folks, I’ll end up seeing red about it at some point. He’ll always be the boyfriend who’s out cheating on me. True. For me, though, if he wants to be “good friends,” he can’t really want a relationship of anything other than convenience. He tried to tell me that sex is just sex, but we both know that’s not always the case, and we are a perfect example of chemistry striking when it’s supposed to be just sex. To say nothing of the myriad other stories of established relationships ending from “just sex.”
We talked about Colleen – she sent me a Christmas card, with the usual love stuff. He thinks it would be good for me to see her, but that I need to…how did he phrase it? Be slower with my trigger hand or somesuch before I do. Even I can feel myself bristling when her name comes up.
I’m not sure why Tim is such a thing for me right now. It could be the season, or it could be the nights he spent while his boat was in the yard. He thinks I just like having a bf to show off at parties. That's gross, and I told him he’s got it backwards – when I have a bf, I like showing him off. When I’m single, I like going alone. Anyway, he lingered, made some comments about having a hard time getting to his bed. I offered him mine, he declined. He lingered some more, kissed me good bye. Lingered more, kissed me good bye again. Kept talking even as he walked down the steps.
I’d avoided drinking while he was there – it upsets him, and interferes with my thought process. I didn’t want to drink much, anyway – sleep patterns, calories and all that. But I did want a drink, and I figured the effect would dovetail nicely with my meds. It did, and I went to bed without even checking to see if he was online.
Michael Leeper texted me a “hello” around 4:50 – I had hoped this meant he was going to meet me for an early dinner, but he didn’t text back until 5:30, asking if 7 would be ok. I suppose so. I saw a post on FB that a body was found around 8th & Robinson. Texted Tim, just in case. He’s alive, just been working on his boat. OK. I decided to wear my Big Boy Clothes to dinner. Around 6:40, Michael texted that he was going to be about 10 min late, and he got there about 7:15. The place was PACKED. They said it would be about a 10 min wait, and we got sat around 7:40. Tim asked if I had any tamales left, because he was heading in to Hillcrest to check his mail. Yes, but I’m at dinner with Leeper.
Dinner was good. I learned some new things, even if I didn’t get any insight into the things I’m struggling with, or even touch on them, really. But I learned some things about Leeper, and very much enjoyed his company. Towards the end of dinner, Tim texted that he was still in HC. I thought about getting him some Lucky Lemongrass to go, but 1) I didn’t want to wait the extra time, and 2) visions of the boys he fucked over the weekend flitted in and jammed my wallet shut.
I made Tim some tamales, which he enjoyed with green salsa that’s too spicy for me. He still needs extra hands on the boat, and will need to hire people for it. I suggested interns, or teenagers around the marina. Tim was hesitant to lay on my bed, but finally did. My stomach wasn’t cooperating, so I couldn’t “seduce” him again, but maybe that’s for the best. I kept thinking about the line from No Doubt’s “Let’s End It On This” : You see it’s hard to face the addict that’s inside of me. I want to fill my gl(ass) up with you, constantly.”
Tim mentioned he’s ready to be friends with me – good friends, even; he wants what FHA has with me. Yeah, what FHA and I have has been 10 years in the making. He’s considered trying an open relationship, but even if I’m occasionally turned on by him fucking other folks, I’ll end up seeing red about it at some point. He’ll always be the boyfriend who’s out cheating on me. True. For me, though, if he wants to be “good friends,” he can’t really want a relationship of anything other than convenience. He tried to tell me that sex is just sex, but we both know that’s not always the case, and we are a perfect example of chemistry striking when it’s supposed to be just sex. To say nothing of the myriad other stories of established relationships ending from “just sex.”
We talked about Colleen – she sent me a Christmas card, with the usual love stuff. He thinks it would be good for me to see her, but that I need to…how did he phrase it? Be slower with my trigger hand or somesuch before I do. Even I can feel myself bristling when her name comes up.
I’m not sure why Tim is such a thing for me right now. It could be the season, or it could be the nights he spent while his boat was in the yard. He thinks I just like having a bf to show off at parties. That's gross, and I told him he’s got it backwards – when I have a bf, I like showing him off. When I’m single, I like going alone. Anyway, he lingered, made some comments about having a hard time getting to his bed. I offered him mine, he declined. He lingered some more, kissed me good bye. Lingered more, kissed me good bye again. Kept talking even as he walked down the steps.
I’d avoided drinking while he was there – it upsets him, and interferes with my thought process. I didn’t want to drink much, anyway – sleep patterns, calories and all that. But I did want a drink, and I figured the effect would dovetail nicely with my meds. It did, and I went to bed without even checking to see if he was online.
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