When Ken's Away....and Fights Over Cutlery

[thepnutgallery]

The good news is that Ken and I are fine. Once we got over the events of the weekend it was business as usual; we ate dinner at home on Tuesday, and are back to a rigorous "workout" schedule. This is good, as it keeps my mind (mostly) off the fact I haven't slept with anyone else for two months. Mostly, but not entirely. Really, I'm not completely certain that I would be scratching the walls as bad as I am if everyone around me weren't looking at me with some weird mix of betrayal and expectation. By everyone, of course, I mean Anthony, but I can hear whispers from other people. Ken is out of town today, and I've got a couple of guys who want me to "hang out" with them...I'm not sure....I'm not sure I feel comfortable doing this, but I know that if I get alone with someone, stuff's going to happen. It's not that I can't hold out until tomorrow, I just feel weird having sex with someone else before Ken does (and tells me about it.....). It still feels so soon. On the other hand, maybe once I get it out of the way, Ken will see how casually I look at these things, and be alright with it.

The real drama this week was at home, and more with Aimee than with Anthony (when is it ever not?). The issue is not that I cut myself, but that I used their knife to do it. They both seem to keep wanting to impress upon me that I should never ever use their cutlery for such a thing again, except that before Aimee even heard about it, much less started blithering, I had agreed to that, so I'm not sure what point it is they're making. I think the larger issue is my lack of remorse for having done it at all, but at this point, I could also care less about that. I had no idea they would have a problem with my using their knife, otherwise I wouldn't have used it, but I washed it, so where does that leave us now?

On that topic, while I make no guarantees, it was the only time in the past 4 years that I've done it, and I don't intend to do it again. If it happens, it happens, and that's that.

Comments

[nightskygod.livejournal.com]

Relapse is part of recovery. Fuck them and their knife.

<3

[thepnutgallery]

Thanks! Really, I don't even look at it as recovery, since I don't think there's anything wrong with my doing it. It was something I used to do, and now it's something I don't. It just is.

[nightskygod.livejournal.com]

Actually, I get what you mean. I don't feel like I was ever crazy or even really sick, it was just something I used to do and no longer feel like doing.