Le Weekend Not-So-Awesome
May. 14th, 2007 02:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thepnutgalleryIt all started quite well, really. Ken took a half-day at work on Friday, and we had lunch at Amarin, then hung out for most of the rest of the day. It would have been better if I hadn't eaten as much as I did, but it was okay. At some point in the afternoon, Ken got a text message from the couple he used to sleep with, that they were back in town..... We made tofu, rice and veggies for dinner, and watched Bjork and Erasure videos until I had to go. Just before I left, I mentioned that I would stop by my place before going back to his, and should he find himself otherwise occupied for the evening, all he needed to do was leave me a message. Watching the Bjork videos was especially fortuitious, as it put a lot of choreography in my head for the evening's Trixie. I almost lost it when we watched the Erasure vids, but Anthony had us listen to Bjork on the way to Rocky, and all was well. My Trixie itself went well, though not as I had planned, and I was worried that it didn't go well at all until I got some postive reviews. The audience was pretty awesome (the folks clapping along for Sha-na-na's was especially super awesome), though not as many stayed for the whole show as I would have liked.
Didn't get out of the show until late, and then had a stomach ache when I got home, so I didn't end up getting over to Ken's until 5am.
Woke up a little before 8, and talked with Ken about our respective evenings. He had gone to Rich's, and seen the couple, but declined to go with them, without telling them why. He had a few more drinks, and ended up going over, where he did two shots of absinthe and another one of alcohol. Here's where things are shaky. Ken says that they were flirting heavily, going so far as to whip out their erections, and he decided to go home. I found this a bit suspect, but whatev. We spent most of Saturday in bed, but finally managed to pull ourselves apart to get ready for an event down at the Museum of Man. The event itself was not so hot, but I loved walking around the museum, holding hands and the like with Ken.
We left the event early, and walked back to his place to get ready for a foam party at Bacchus House. I was fairly drunk, but I was in a happy space. I met Hank and Jonathan, the couple that Ken used to sleep with, and they both seemed nice enough. At one point, I'm dancing with Jonathan, and the topic of Friday night comes up, and he mentions that they did indeed have sex with Ken. Separately, Hank confirms this. If he had punched me in the face, I would have been less stunned.
I stumble back, grab my clothes, and as I'm getting dressed, Ken finds me, and we go for a walk. I am in a rage like I have rarely been in, frustrated because I know that someone is lying, and Ken won't confront the couple about it, because he constantly had to defend himself when he was with his paranoid ex-husband. I have issues with knowing things, and the idea that this is now something that I'll never know drove me INSANE. I've never been the type to take my aggression out physically, but me and couple of metal sign posts got into it. I hit the first one many many many times, but that hurt my hand enough that I only hit the second one a few times. We continue fighting the entire way back to his place, and he finally tells me that he needs me to not sleep there. This translated to me that he needed me to not sleep there ever again. Stunned for the second time that evening, I grab everything and drive back home. Drunk, and still reeling from everything, for the first time in 4 years or so, I make a bloody mess of my arm. It's my body, and I'll do what I want with it.
I turn on the computer, intending to hop onto A4A, but end up visiting my hotmail first, and find a message from Ken, telling me to come back. I call him while cleaning up, and by the time I get back, he's asleep. Back at his place, I did a fairly decent job of bandaging my arm using paper towels and e-tape, and go to sleep. All through the night, I ignore a trickling feeling.
Wake up to find that I should have used more paper towels, as the ones I had used had soaked completely through, and had gotten onto his sheets. Ken is still asleep, so I re-bandage, this time much thicker, and go back to sleep. Ken freaks out when he does wake up, not about the sheet, but about what I did, and insists we go to Rite-Aid to get real bandages. He took 4 Xanex the night before, and is still a little loopy, so I had to drive us. We get back, rebandage, and spend most of the day sleeping and talking between naps. Laying there with him, even upset as we were, we still had the urge to have sex. When I got back from rehearsal, we went over to Justin's, where people were hanging out, and I drank WAAAAY too much. I was trying to get to a place where I'd be alright emotionally for sex later, but I hadn't eaten since the night before, and overshot that point by about 12 million miles. We had a great talk, clarifying the rules for our having sex with other people, which I had forgotten about until he reminded me today. Ken was kind enough to leave the rest of the evening out of his retelling, but I own these things so whatev. At some point in the evening, I had a full bladder, and didn't quite make it to the bathroom. In fact, I only seem to have just made it out of bed, and pissed all over his nightstand, laptop, and spare pillows. Humiliated is not a strong enough word for how I felt when I found that out. I was also snoring obnoxiously loud, so Ken slept on the couch. It's always so nice, so reassuring to wake up in the middle of the night and see hime next to me. I was confused to wake up at 4:30 and not see him there. Stumbling out of his room, still drunk and only wearing boxers, I grab his keys and decide to look for him at Justin's when he wakes up from the couch. I was also confused to wake up this morning and not see him next to me. He had left for work, of course, but usually kisses me on the way out, and didn't today. He'd been chatting with two of his close friends, trying to sort things out in his head; one of them doesn't think we should see each other anymore, and the other is rooting for us. We'll see.
Didn't get out of the show until late, and then had a stomach ache when I got home, so I didn't end up getting over to Ken's until 5am.
Woke up a little before 8, and talked with Ken about our respective evenings. He had gone to Rich's, and seen the couple, but declined to go with them, without telling them why. He had a few more drinks, and ended up going over, where he did two shots of absinthe and another one of alcohol. Here's where things are shaky. Ken says that they were flirting heavily, going so far as to whip out their erections, and he decided to go home. I found this a bit suspect, but whatev. We spent most of Saturday in bed, but finally managed to pull ourselves apart to get ready for an event down at the Museum of Man. The event itself was not so hot, but I loved walking around the museum, holding hands and the like with Ken.
We left the event early, and walked back to his place to get ready for a foam party at Bacchus House. I was fairly drunk, but I was in a happy space. I met Hank and Jonathan, the couple that Ken used to sleep with, and they both seemed nice enough. At one point, I'm dancing with Jonathan, and the topic of Friday night comes up, and he mentions that they did indeed have sex with Ken. Separately, Hank confirms this. If he had punched me in the face, I would have been less stunned.
I stumble back, grab my clothes, and as I'm getting dressed, Ken finds me, and we go for a walk. I am in a rage like I have rarely been in, frustrated because I know that someone is lying, and Ken won't confront the couple about it, because he constantly had to defend himself when he was with his paranoid ex-husband. I have issues with knowing things, and the idea that this is now something that I'll never know drove me INSANE. I've never been the type to take my aggression out physically, but me and couple of metal sign posts got into it. I hit the first one many many many times, but that hurt my hand enough that I only hit the second one a few times. We continue fighting the entire way back to his place, and he finally tells me that he needs me to not sleep there. This translated to me that he needed me to not sleep there ever again. Stunned for the second time that evening, I grab everything and drive back home. Drunk, and still reeling from everything, for the first time in 4 years or so, I make a bloody mess of my arm. It's my body, and I'll do what I want with it.
I turn on the computer, intending to hop onto A4A, but end up visiting my hotmail first, and find a message from Ken, telling me to come back. I call him while cleaning up, and by the time I get back, he's asleep. Back at his place, I did a fairly decent job of bandaging my arm using paper towels and e-tape, and go to sleep. All through the night, I ignore a trickling feeling.
Wake up to find that I should have used more paper towels, as the ones I had used had soaked completely through, and had gotten onto his sheets. Ken is still asleep, so I re-bandage, this time much thicker, and go back to sleep. Ken freaks out when he does wake up, not about the sheet, but about what I did, and insists we go to Rite-Aid to get real bandages. He took 4 Xanex the night before, and is still a little loopy, so I had to drive us. We get back, rebandage, and spend most of the day sleeping and talking between naps. Laying there with him, even upset as we were, we still had the urge to have sex. When I got back from rehearsal, we went over to Justin's, where people were hanging out, and I drank WAAAAY too much. I was trying to get to a place where I'd be alright emotionally for sex later, but I hadn't eaten since the night before, and overshot that point by about 12 million miles. We had a great talk, clarifying the rules for our having sex with other people, which I had forgotten about until he reminded me today. Ken was kind enough to leave the rest of the evening out of his retelling, but I own these things so whatev. At some point in the evening, I had a full bladder, and didn't quite make it to the bathroom. In fact, I only seem to have just made it out of bed, and pissed all over his nightstand, laptop, and spare pillows. Humiliated is not a strong enough word for how I felt when I found that out. I was also snoring obnoxiously loud, so Ken slept on the couch. It's always so nice, so reassuring to wake up in the middle of the night and see hime next to me. I was confused to wake up at 4:30 and not see him there. Stumbling out of his room, still drunk and only wearing boxers, I grab his keys and decide to look for him at Justin's when he wakes up from the couch. I was also confused to wake up this morning and not see him next to me. He had left for work, of course, but usually kisses me on the way out, and didn't today. He'd been chatting with two of his close friends, trying to sort things out in his head; one of them doesn't think we should see each other anymore, and the other is rooting for us. We'll see.
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Date: 2007-05-14 11:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-15 07:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-14 11:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-15 07:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-15 03:49 am (UTC)Your life is sooo interesting!
I especially like graphic details I normally have to steal from book chains for.
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Date: 2007-05-15 07:56 pm (UTC)I try not to censor things. This journal is really about me remembering my life, and details are important.
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Date: 2007-05-15 11:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-15 11:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-15 07:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-28 06:01 am (UTC)