Trying Is The First Step to Failing

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Really needed just a little more sleep. Both from a functionality and an emotional standpoint. Didn't have much to do at work, so I thought about the Bar instead. Much like my whorish swingin single lifestyle is something I'm delighted by, and wish I had done sooner, failing the Bar is right up there with getting a DUI for moments in my life that I'd like to take back. Similarly, I imagine that it will be downgraded to a wet & reckless level of disappointment once I finally pass. If, really. I have newfound respect for everyone else who has had to fail, and especially newfound respect for the young lady who took it 17 times. I don’t know that I’ll have it in me to keep taking the thing if I fail again. I think I was pretty good about not being nervous the first time around….except maybe I really was, I was just good at pretending I wasn’t, and now that I have to do it again, all of those residual nerves are crashing down. This is all fine to feel right now; I just need to make sure I’m Zen again by the time the exam itself rolls around.

Took care of some random deadlines when I got home – paid the parking ticket Sean got on my car while I was in Amsterdam, messaged him about going on the cruise. I imagine he’ll be tapping out, but I really don’t feel okay asking someone else until he does. And if he doesn’t, then I’ll just cancel. I’ve enjoyed going on the cruise, but I’m not dealing with the added pressure of trying to find a roomie., and I have other things/places to visit. And the Bar exam itself costs exactly as much as the cruise would this year.

Managed to slip in and out of consciousness for a while. Missed a call from my temp agency, but they didn’t leave a message or send an email, and I have no way of knowing which agent called me. Big Eric called, asking for help setting up his new fish tank. He’s spending over a grand on it, which I support because it makes him happy.

Michael Leeper texted me – he wanted to meet up at Mo’s, but I missed that, so I was only able to join them at #1 on Fifth, when he was already a bit squeaked. Life is finally picking up for him, which in turn brought me up a little. He got more than the raise he asked for, is happy with his bf, his bday is Friday. He wants to have an orgy. Adam Lister was there, as well as an attractive short gent I’ve met before, but can’t remember the name of. They were all going for Mexican food, and then to get stoned. I offered to drive several times, since I was sober and they were varying levels of squeaked, but I’m not going to wrestle anyone’s keys away. Maybe I should have?

Went to the gym instead. Normally just getting there, hearing music, etc. is enough to give me energy, even when I don’t feel like working out initially. Not so much this time. Got through about 1/3 of my workout, chatted with Brandon and Chris, headed home. Thought about hooking up, but just jacked off and went to bed instead.