Negotiations

I tried to set my new phone to restore my text messages last night but it kept popping up with an error. Even more unfortunate, my Mode phone did that thing where it thinks it's 3 hours ahead, so the alarm went off at 3:45 instead of 6:45. More time with Lady Miss Friday, but I was still tempted to buy vodka and call in sick. I beat off after the sun came up but barely felt anything. I hit my face again, so at least I'm back to shooting. I got up at 6:45, took off my ring and care of the morning chores - again, my issues with Julian are not the kid's fault, so I'm not about to let their litter boxes overflow with shit. I don't think I'm going to divorce him over this, but I don't feel comfortable wearing it for now. Now that I've got creamer in the office, there's no real need for me to take coffee with me in the morning, though I did think about a scoop of protein powder. I didn't get around to eating on Monday or Tuesday; I figure my body will tell me when it actually needs food, and this should help me make up for the last handle of vodka I drank. Also slimming, I couldn't find my car. I couldn't remember the last time I drove, but I did recall that I had to walk a bit. I found it all of a block away on Lincoln, but only after I already walked around the blocks in every other direction.

Work was kind of slow. I do all of it the second it comes in, so I guess that makes sense. On the plus side, I factory reset my new phone, re-transferred everything and finally got that last text included. We got an e-letter from the ADI Board president, notifying everyone of Elaine's pending retirement and that Lynelle will be stepping up in the interim. Awkward though it is to celebrate when someone is leaving, I sent an email about silver linings (not the Rilo Kiley track) and the comfort I take at Lynelle taking over. Crickets. I was expecting a whole chorus of congrats to her or similar, but....crickets. Jill eventually co-signed, so at least I wasn't alone in the sentiment. Speaking of silver linings, I also got an email back from Bryan at APRL, and they're willing to accept my help. Specifically, they need help because a puppy mill is stonewalling discovery. RAWR! And Nizar messaged me again with the wonderful news that he can renew his passport! He asked about me, and I'm nothing if not honest. Sometimes too honest. I meant to buy more vodka on the way home but forgot. Probably for the best.

Julian got home a little before 7, fed the kids, and asked to talk again. Lies and lies on top of lies (when I said texted, I meant texted off Grindr), but these felt like whiter-lies and he did apologize. Profusely. I don't know. He noticed my ring was off, we talked about the possibility of divorce, and I ultimately said I needed some time with this. He called his mom, I called Tim... now that it felt more like getting advice than whining. He was walking the pups with Tootie, picked me up and we went to Ichiban for tea after. Met an adorable homeless guy and his pup... might have weirded him out, because he asked who Pupple belongs to, and even the Cliff's Notes version is complicated, and then he said how important pets are, and I spread the good word for Symbism. One of the biggest revelations from the talk with Tim is that Julian and I are still horribly dysfunctional. We're better than before, but that's an upsettingly low bar. I texted Candace to see if she can see us as a couple and we'll see, see. Either way, couple's counseling is in our future.

Talked more with Julian after. He's having trouble at work, as are a few others, and he's got a meeting with his boss tomorrow. Was supposed to be today, but he asked for an extension due to the volcano at home. He said he'd never seen my fangs so savage, I half-joked about this whole thing being ultimately about my ego. He didn't want me. Enough or at all, but he didn't want me. Turns out that's a huge deal for me. Also, all the lies. We almost fucked, but I wasn't quite there yet.