Your Move

Not a great morning for it, but I woke up crazy early again. I think I probably need to try to limit my Seroquel again. Or just follow up about getting that replacement he was supposed to prescribe. There was some abrasion on the door frame, some unusually placed items around the apartment, and a shard or two of glass in the kitchen. I opted against coffee, hoping I could sleep a little longer tonight without it. Julian's work had offered to let him take today off as well, but he wanted the hours and to be professional for his evaluation so he declined. He was just going to drop me off at the dentist on his way to work and I'd Lyft home, but he was crashed on the couch. Adorably, with his arm around Juno, but still. I dunno. I thought about waking him or putting a blanket on or whatever but I had no idea what the right thing to do here would be. I didn't really feel like any option would be right. Especially not the former since I wasn't ready to talk to him. I left him. I imagined he'd have an alarm and he's perfectly capable of calling Lyft. At the dentist, my crowns turned into one crown and a root canal. I guess I didn't need yet another crown in the collection, and this was technically an upgrade. Just not the good kind. I was impatient and grumpy for most of it, but it only took about an hour or so. I'll be back in a couple weeks.

Terry checked on me after I got home. Julian was out calling his mom or smoking or something. Apparently they could hear him from their place last night. He was concerned Julian would get violent and recommended The Center or similar Domestic Violence program. But Terry's always been a bit dramatic, and we've already done physical violence. Pallette-swapped monsters are gauche when they're not nostalgic.

Our weekly meeting was just about us trying to come up with goals. How soon after receiving an NOA does it get worked up, sent out, appointed, etc. We had them before, but I guess now that we're all doing so much better, we wanted higher goals? I have no idea, because those "goals" are also the expected baseline. I imagine all of this has something to do with trying to convince Elaine to continue letting us work remotely. I thought about looking for another remote nonprofit job but decided to wait and see what happens first. I've got plenty on my plate, no sense adding prep for things that might not happen. Julian wanted to talk at one point, but I wasn't about to drop a work meeting for an uncomfortable meeting. And then he was sleeping again when I got out. Suits me fine. Kris let us know yesterday morning she'd be out, so I took care of her mail as well as mine during the day, but then Kathy let us know she'd also be out, just at the end of the day. The dentist appointment set me back, plus...y'know, things, but when I remembered I was in by 9 so I could work until 5:30, I got motivated. A glimmer of hope is a helluva drug. Since I did most of my & Kris's mail yesterday, I was able to get all of my and Kathy's mail done for today and my and JJD's mail and claims for next week so far. I'm honestly delighted about this because I remember previous times in my life when performing poorly coincided with awkward times and trying to blame both my poor performance on the awkward times and myself for allowing the awkward times to "make" my performance poor. I have no idea how my work metrics performed during my addiction, but I know they're awesome right now and I'm objectively aware last night was probably A Thing.

Tim called again and we mostly talked about Benny. Mostly venting again, but I did mention that some of Benny's language probably offended Facebook's Community Guidelines. I think that gave him what he needed for the moment. He asked about Julian, and I'd already given the gist of yesterday, but needed some time to think before I talked about it. I think. That was one thing I'd wrestled with - even the idea of telling Tim, despite or possibly because of the need for his recent assistance. Because Lorde knows anytime I confess to having issues, I'm legally required to be undertaking or at least have identified the solution. I went out to talk to Julian. He was watching The Colony again and I had no idea what or how to say anything. I can't imagine he did either. I just sort of awkwardly sat there updating via my phone for a while before going back in to Lady Miss Friday. I dunno. Maybe just occupying the same space without attacks was the right move?