Hey, Jealousy

[thepnutgallery]

Had a whole host of things I meant to do - filing taxes, sending resumes, hitting gyms. Watched porn and had a boy over instead. "Boy" is a loose term, since this guy could easily pass for Santa Claus. We hooked up once before, when Nick was still living here, and it was okay then. It was much better this time. He probed around to see if my boundaries were actually boundaries, but never went completely across them. Only downside was that he stayed overly long. We're going to get together again, but with ropes and chains and the like.

I was supposed to meet Daniel and Jeff around 6, but it was only 5, so I met another boy before I left. He was nice, if tipsy, and I look forward to getting naked with him someday.

Over at Jeff and Daniel's, I chatted briefly with them and their roommate Keith. Keith is primarily a bottom, and into scat and some other really gross things, but he's always been showered and topped when we hooked up, so I like him. At the same time, he's a bit heavy on the drama. I don't think he was ever successful at hooking up with Ken, but once he found out I had an ex who hated me, he sure did try. Chatting with him, Tim's name came up, and he crowed that Tim was the first guy who came over on Saturday. I am well aware that Tim is not celibate, and while it might not be nice to hear about, it's neither shocking nor distressing. Certainly, if it was, I wouldn't show it to someone looking for it.

Jeff, Daniel, and I went to Mo's for Drag Race, which is out of the ordinary for me. It was an okay time, but the best part was randomly seeing Marcus Berry in the crowd. Last I'd heard, he was living in Long Beach. We exchanged numbers, and are going to catch up on Sunday.

I saw Tim online when I got home and he said hi, which is very unusual. He then mentioned that Keith told him about meeting/telling me, which is really no shocker. On the plus side, it lead to a great conversation about where we are. I'll always love him, of course, and I want him to be happy. Part of being happy is having sex. He agreed, saying that he wanted me to "take as many loads as I wanted." .....I'm not quite there. Part of my brain is still possessive of him, or as I put it - I've been swimming in jealousy for a long time, and I'm hoisting myself out of the water, but I'm still soaking wet. To my shock, he said he was in the same place.