Xmas Day

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Tim wanted to go to Starbucks (there was exactly one open), but needed a hat to wear - couldn't find either my HRC beanie or my panda hat, so I let him borrow my bunny hat. He decided he was the Easter Bunny, and if Santa could horn in on Thanksgiving, Easter could make an early pass at Christmas. As much as I had other things to do, and as much as I don't encourage patronage of stores on holidays, I have to say, this was absolutely the right decision. The line at Starbucks was out the door, and his act brought some much needed levity to both the employees and the customers.

Robert O'Leary, home visiting from...Tucson? Phoenix? Some place that isn't San Diego, was waiting on my doorstep when I got home. We caught up for a bit, with some things I couldn't talk about being that Tim was there. Sam came over, since I was giving him a ride to the SDYP Christmas Lunch. Figuring there would be at least crackers at the lunch, but not wanting a repeat ofthe night before if there was more, I had one and only one sandwich at home. At the lunch, Terry claimed ignorance to my presence, in spite of my being one of the first to RSVP. He'd even put bacon in the vegetables. More irritated at the lack of consideration than the lack of food, I started reading a book by Aiden Shaw. Maybe if I'd gotten more than a couple chapters into it I would have found clarity, but as it was, I found it sorely lacking in context that I'm sure existed in his head, but simply got lost on its way to the paper.

Eventually put the book down in favor of human interaction, only to pick my phone up and cut down on the Grindr messages that had been accumulating since I last logged in. There was a gentleman there, new from SF? Portland? Some place not San Diego, who noted with humor my use of the app during the festivities. This led to a great conversation about the larger online gay community - ridiculous requirements and the like.

We were getting to be late for our second party, so I grabbed some leftovers for Tim, dropped Sam off at his place, and headed over to Justin's. Had a lovely time there. There was a tofurky - Phillip is vegetarian, but they made sure not to use any butter in the side dishes either, and had bought Silk Nog just for me. We left there when some of the boys were getting messy drunk, and the other ones were starting on various letters of the alphabet.

Final party of the night was Vick Soto's, though that turned out to be less party and more a couple friends watching TV. Jeff and Daniel were there, as well as a gent who looked familiar from SDYP events, and Tim Frost later showed up. It was mostly a decent night of music videos and mindless chatter...the boys put on Bruno, which seemed almost Kaufmanesque in its devotion to awkward humor. The only real sour part of the night was towards the very end, when a very drunk Jeff proudly exclaimed how he had taken care of me through my break up with Ken.

In my head, I'm still cleaning the blood off the walls.

Jeff did not see me through my break up with Ken. In fact, Jeff actively ignored all communication with me in favor of fucking Ken during my break up with Ken. There were parties I'd invite him to, and see him later show up with Ken, but most of all, the day I moved out, when I had to jump the fence to get my meds back, Jeff and his bf were naked in his guest room, waiting patiently for The Crazy Ex to exit stage left.
Part of me wonders if he wasn't goading me, with such a patently false statement. Part of me wonders if he's just delusional, and has supplanted real memories with these happier ones. All of me doesn't care, except to wonder if biting my tongue or his head off was the right decision.