Head...going...to explode
Oct. 11th, 2005 09:24 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thepnutgalleryClearly I need to vent, so here it is.
I came out to my parents just over a year ago. They were just about to move out of state, and it was a now or never kind of thing. It was very anti-climactic, as it had gotten to the point where it was something we all knew but no one said, and I just finally made it official. The only thing that irritates me is that my mom feels compelled to tell me and everybody else that will listen that they ALWAYS knew, from the time I was 2, and were ALWAYS fine with it, just waiting for me. The always knew thing, I'll grant her, but okay with it? Not by a long shot. Not even now, much less 20 years ago. She told me the other night that she kind of wishes that it was Jared that was gay, so that all the bad stuff would be on him. My dad can't decide wether it was the drugs Colleen was on when she was preg. with me or the drugs he was exposed to overseas that made me gay, and when I was 12 my dad threatened to beat me, throw me out, etc, if I was gay. I got even then that he was just desperate, as opposed to wanting to hurt me. But it was a thing. I adored my parents growing up. In my normal, completely off-balance and obsessive manner, I figured I'd grow up, get married..then just build and addition onto my parent's house. And they both still think I'm going to get AIDS any day now. Let me be clear about this: my parents feelings on the subject are of no concern to me. If my being happy makes them sad, or worry, or anything else, that's their issue to deal with. What I can't stand is how she keeps saying how alright with it they've always been. I can't even exactly pinpoint why this infuriates me. I think perhaps it's because it was a very uncomfortable part of my growing up, due enitrely to my family, and when she lies like that, I feel robbed. Or something. That's all I got.
Squeak
I came out to my parents just over a year ago. They were just about to move out of state, and it was a now or never kind of thing. It was very anti-climactic, as it had gotten to the point where it was something we all knew but no one said, and I just finally made it official. The only thing that irritates me is that my mom feels compelled to tell me and everybody else that will listen that they ALWAYS knew, from the time I was 2, and were ALWAYS fine with it, just waiting for me. The always knew thing, I'll grant her, but okay with it? Not by a long shot. Not even now, much less 20 years ago. She told me the other night that she kind of wishes that it was Jared that was gay, so that all the bad stuff would be on him. My dad can't decide wether it was the drugs Colleen was on when she was preg. with me or the drugs he was exposed to overseas that made me gay, and when I was 12 my dad threatened to beat me, throw me out, etc, if I was gay. I got even then that he was just desperate, as opposed to wanting to hurt me. But it was a thing. I adored my parents growing up. In my normal, completely off-balance and obsessive manner, I figured I'd grow up, get married..then just build and addition onto my parent's house. And they both still think I'm going to get AIDS any day now. Let me be clear about this: my parents feelings on the subject are of no concern to me. If my being happy makes them sad, or worry, or anything else, that's their issue to deal with. What I can't stand is how she keeps saying how alright with it they've always been. I can't even exactly pinpoint why this infuriates me. I think perhaps it's because it was a very uncomfortable part of my growing up, due enitrely to my family, and when she lies like that, I feel robbed. Or something. That's all I got.
Squeak
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no subject
Date: 2005-10-11 10:52 am (UTC)I'm glad you're ok with it either way. I've said it before, it does my heart good to see you so happy.
no subject
Date: 2005-10-11 12:27 pm (UTC)I think with your mom saying they knew all along...I think that's her way of dealing with finding out you are gay. That's just my thoughts on the situation, I guess.
I'm just glad that you make THE BOY so very happy. It makes me smile knowing that he's happy and it's all because of you!
no subject
Date: 2005-10-11 02:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-11 07:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-12 08:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-11 07:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-14 10:29 pm (UTC)