Defending Myself

[thepnutgallery]

Friday - Cranky, like I've been, about the usual things. Ken laid down on the couch when he got home, and I tried not to bite his head off. He napped, and I drowsed in and out for a little while. Dallas came over, and we all went to Ralph's for booze and mixers. We all had a drink or two at home, though we still weren't clear on the plan. By "we", of course, I mean "everyone but Ken". Brandon came over, asking me what the plan was, that Ken had mentioned something about Rich's, and I informed him that I had less information than he did, that both Rich's and his attendance were surprises to me. We chatted a bit in the living room, then joined the boys in our room, then went back into the living room. Eventually, we headed out....Jeff had been calling all night long, but I ended up calling him too late for him to join us. I didn't have a spare keychain or id card to share with him anyway, so he wouldn't have gone, but I felt bad all the same.
At the club, we found Jason early on, and Bizzy J was spinning. Ken had mentioned reigning in his spending, and he apparently meant it. He only bought 2 drinks all night long, and both for him. That might also have to do with how very strong the drinks were. Sean (yes, that Sean) was there, as was Shaun. Sean bought us shots, and was generally very nice to me. So was Shaun. Last but not least, ProBeachBum was there, though he didn't really talk to me. I didn't mind the music, and kept dancing on the sidelines, since only Jason actually wanted to get on the floor. The high point of my night was when they played "Small Town Boy", or at least, part of the melody from it. This apparently killed the dancefloor, though. Ken, music snob that he is, didn't dance at all, and we left a little after 1. On the way home, we somehow got onto the topic of him as a boyfriend, and how frustrated he is that he's been so good, and it feels like I don't give him credit. I was very close to sober by that point, but had enough booze in me still to not take anything. I talked about how he's really only been a consistently good bf for the past 6 months (an over-estimation, in retrospect)...he talked about how he disagreed, that he'd made mistakes, but overall, been very good. I pointed out 1) that "mistakes" are things you don't mean to happen, and that while he never maliciously did things to me, they were by no means accidents, and 2) that his repeated attempts to downplay these things, and characterize himself as "good bf" during those times only means that he clearly has no idea of the severity of his crimes. Somehow, we ended in a good spot from all that, though we still didn't have sex.